Not Just Genitalia - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

angel424 · 24th Jun 2011, 08:39 PM

Hi all, I'm new to this site but have always been curious about the idea of attraction and why we are attracted to people. I am a psych major and we learn that people are attracted to vitality, resources, and attractiveness. Also that you like those similar to you, what have you. And also - and this really pisses me off - that guys are more attracted to beauty and youth whereas women are more attracted to money and power. Despite the research supporting this, I feel like it's all bogus. So I was wondering what attracts you to people? I am bisexual - or almost in a way pansexual (as in I'm open to dating anyone of any sort of gender) - and have never found a person's sex or gender to be a problem. I always felt that it was the person themselves, not their genitalia, that I was attracted to. But the physical differences between men and women must play SOME part otherwise we wouldn't have fully gay or fully straight people, right? So I've always been confused by this and was wondering if anyone could shed any light... ?

**Owen** · 24th Jun 2011, 09:09 PM

The way I see it is that there are many kinds of attraction we can feel toward a person: romantic attraction (I love him.), aesthetic attraction (he's cute/handsome!), physical attraction (he's hot!), etc, and confusion can result when we use the word "attraction" as a blanket term for all of them and think it can cover them all as one uniform concept, which it really can't adequately do.

Regarding physical attraction, which is what is really the basis for our sexuality, what attracts me, personally, to men are their physiques. I'm attracted to plus-size guys exclusively, and seeing a guy's abdomen or, to a lesser extent, a bulge in his pants, is what really gets me going. Some people really are turned on by the explicit sight of another person's genitalia, but for me, what gets me aroused and erect is seeing a guy's belly and bulge. Since that's a part of his body, I think that falls under the realm of physical attraction. There's a different kind of attraction I feel when I fall for a guy, and while that attraction is certainly based on personality and connection, it's separate from my physical attraction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by angel424

I always felt that it was the person themselves, not their genitalia, that I was attracted to. But the physical differences between men and women must play SOME part otherwise we wouldn't have fully gay or fully straight people, right?

What I would ask you is, is it a person's personality (I assume that's what you mean when you say "the person themselves") that turns you on? Is it a person's personality that gets you horny? Is it a person's personality that you think about while masturbating? If not, then we're talking about two different kinds of attraction, which might explain your confusion.

acd92 · 24th Jun 2011, 09:24 PM

Most completely, I am first attracted to someone's personality. The guy I recently had a fling with had an absolutely gorgeous spirit, and he just drew me in. I was secondly attracted to him physically, finding him aesthetically attractive. I think attraction to me is not bound by gender so much as someone's personality and spirit. I am so much more intrigued by the spiritual rather than the physical. However, of course, I am attracted by a cute guy...such as Chris Colfer

or a beautiful girl, such as Lea Michele. My mind is really open when it comes to this stuff. Hope this helps!

Danny19 · 24th Jun 2011, 10:36 PM

I think that when we look for someone we always look at the physical attraction. When we see someone and think that they are cute/hot, we then want to talk to them or something. As much as it sucks, many people seek looks first. When we got the looks down we go to personality. If we like their personality then its a go. however, if their personality is not as attractive as their looks then all of a sudden they become ugly (in my opinion).

angel424 · 25th Jun 2011, 01:22 AM

I think it's really interesting how the people that responded all have conflicting ideas, which I guess really shows how attraction is different for each person. I agree with Danny19 in the sense that you can see an attractive person but then realize that their personality doesn't match up so they become in a sense ugly. I've always felt that way. I wouldn't say that looks or personality come first, but more so they interact. I've always been kind of weird in the sense that I don't really find someone attractive unless I find their personality as attractive as well. Like I know some guys may disagree, but I can't just bang a girl - or guy - whose hot but a total bitch. But that's probs just me. I find acd92's idea of a "gorgeous spirit" interesting. Sometimes I feel like attraction isn't even something that can be analyzed but is an unexplainable pull between two people, drawing them together, and yes some of that can be lust for their body but there are more factors as well.

ICTOAUN · 25th Jun 2011, 02:09 AM

i agree with danny19 too.
my friend asked me why i liked girls the other day. i told her "because they are soft". i know that sounds stupid, but 'soft' is still the only word that comes to mind when i think of girls. they have this.. soft beauty about them. guys look so hard and rigid. not into that

dl72 · 25th Jun 2011, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danny19

I think that when we look for someone we always look at the physical attraction. When we see someone and think that they are cute/hot, we then want to talk to them or something. As much as it sucks, many people seek looks first. When we got the looks down we go to personality. If we like their personality then its a go. however, if their personality is not as attractive as their looks then all of a sudden they become ugly (in my opinion).

I agree. If you can't talk to the person, than it won't last.

Danny19 · 25th Jun 2011, 02:53 PM

I like you guys agree with me!

yey me!

steel03 · 25th Jun 2011, 02:55 PM

Specifically? Some adjectives: rumpled, scruffy, tousled, playful, strong; basically if it can describe a puppy or a dog, I'm into it. XD But I agree with what's been said. I definitely see lots of people and think they are cute, but I don't really develop a crush until I know their personality.

mnguy · 26th Jun 2011, 08:51 AM

I'm attracted to and turned on by guys. What do I like about them? The first thing that gets my attention is usually his hair, wavy, full, typically shorter cut. Then on down to his eyebrows/eyes/lashes, love longer lashes. Then the rest of his face with good features and in proportion. A toned chest/arms/abs/butt and nice penis are all turn ons as well, but if I don't have the initial attraction, I wouldn't think about what's under his clothes. I think a lot of the guys that catch my attention are fairly average looking, they just have a good combination of the distinctly male features that I'm attracted to. I'm turned on by the thought of getting close to them, face to face, touching, etc. So the physical apects of guys is what attracts me and what I would fantasize about.

All that being said, he would have to be kind, respectful, considerate, etc in order for me to want to date or be friends with him.

24th Jun 2011, 08:39 PM	#1
angel424 Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: A few people Location: New York Posts: 12 Join Date: Jun 2011	Not Just Genitalia Hi all, I'm new to this site but have always been curious about the idea of attraction and why we are attracted to people. I am a psych major and we learn that people are attracted to vitality, resources, and attractiveness. Also that you like those similar to you, what have you. And also - and this really pisses me off - that guys are more attracted to beauty and youth whereas women are more attracted to money and power. Despite the research supporting this, I feel like it's all bogus. So I was wondering what attracts you to people? I am bisexual - or almost in a way pansexual (as in I'm open to dating anyone of any sort of gender) - and have never found a person's sex or gender to be a problem. I always felt that it was the person themselves, not their genitalia, that I was attracted to. But the physical differences between men and women must play SOME part otherwise we wouldn't have fully gay or fully straight people, right? So I've always been confused by this and was wondering if anyone could shed any light... ?

24th Jun 2011, 09:24 PM	#3
acd92 Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to anyone...as long as they ask! Location: Maryland Age: 20 Posts: 96 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Not Just Genitalia Most completely, I am first attracted to someone's personality. The guy I recently had a fling with had an absolutely gorgeous spirit, and he just drew me in. I was secondly attracted to him physically, finding him aesthetically attractive. I think attraction to me is not bound by gender so much as someone's personality and spirit. I am so much more intrigued by the spiritual rather than the physical. However, of course, I am attracted by a cute guy...such as Chris Colfer or a beautiful girl, such as Lea Michele. My mind is really open when it comes to this stuff. Hope this helps! __________________ "All great novels, all true novels, are bisexual."

24th Jun 2011, 10:36 PM	#4
Danny19 Lets see what happens Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: i love boys!!! Out Status: Some people Location: Los Angeles Age: 19 Posts: 722 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: Not Just Genitalia I think that when we look for someone we always look at the physical attraction. When we see someone and think that they are cute/hot, we then want to talk to them or something. As much as it sucks, many people seek looks first. When we got the looks down we go to personality. If we like their personality then its a go. however, if their personality is not as attractive as their looks then all of a sudden they become ugly (in my opinion). __________________ “Whats meant to be, will always find its way"

25th Jun 2011, 01:22 AM	#5
angel424 Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: A few people Location: New York Posts: 12 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Not Just Genitalia I think it's really interesting how the people that responded all have conflicting ideas, which I guess really shows how attraction is different for each person. I agree with Danny19 in the sense that you can see an attractive person but then realize that their personality doesn't match up so they become in a sense ugly. I've always felt that way. I wouldn't say that looks or personality come first, but more so they interact. I've always been kind of weird in the sense that I don't really find someone attractive unless I find their personality as attractive as well. Like I know some guys may disagree, but I can't just bang a girl - or guy - whose hot but a total bitch. But that's probs just me. I find acd92's idea of a "gorgeous spirit" interesting. Sometimes I feel like attraction isn't even something that can be analyzed but is an unexplainable pull between two people, drawing them together, and yes some of that can be lust for their body but there are more factors as well.

25th Jun 2011, 02:09 AM	#6
ICTOAUN Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: 8 friends Age: 18 Posts: 233 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Not Just Genitalia i agree with danny19 too. my friend asked me why i liked girls the other day. i told her "because they are soft". i know that sounds stupid, but 'soft' is still the only word that comes to mind when i think of girls. they have this.. soft beauty about them. guys look so hard and rigid. not into that

25th Jun 2011, 02:53 PM	#8
Danny19 Lets see what happens Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: i love boys!!! Out Status: Some people Location: Los Angeles Age: 19 Posts: 722 Join Date: Jul 2010	Re: Not Just Genitalia I like you guys agree with me! yey me! __________________ “Whats meant to be, will always find its way"

25th Jun 2011, 02:55 PM	#9
steel03 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: mission accomplished Location: Iowa Age: 20 Posts: 480 Join Date: Jan 2011	Re: Not Just Genitalia Specifically? Some adjectives: rumpled, scruffy, tousled, playful, strong; basically if it can describe a puppy or a dog, I'm into it. XD But I agree with what's been said. I definitely see lots of people and think they are cute, but I don't really develop a crush until I know their personality. __________________ And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.

26th Jun 2011, 08:51 AM	#10
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 895 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Not Just Genitalia I'm attracted to and turned on by guys. What do I like about them? The first thing that gets my attention is usually his hair, wavy, full, typically shorter cut. Then on down to his eyebrows/eyes/lashes, love longer lashes. Then the rest of his face with good features and in proportion. A toned chest/arms/abs/butt and nice penis are all turn ons as well, but if I don't have the initial attraction, I wouldn't think about what's under his clothes. I think a lot of the guys that catch my attention are fairly average looking, they just have a good combination of the distinctly male features that I'm attracted to. I'm turned on by the thought of getting close to them, face to face, touching, etc. So the physical apects of guys is what attracts me and what I would fantasize about. All that being said, he would have to be kind, respectful, considerate, etc in order for me to want to date or be friends with him.