Porn

[angel424]

I was wondering what your guys' view on porn was - good, bad, depends? Do you think that it can hurt a relationship, or if you do it you should be open to your partner about it? Or do you think it's only bad depending on what kind it is or if you are doing it to replace sex. Have you ever had break ups because of it? One of my closest friends who is a straight girl just discovered her bf's HUGE porn collection after he told her he didnt watch any and she's been freaking out and asking for advice. I don't really know what to think... sure I've watched it, which I told my present gf, and I've watched both gay and straight porn, mostly when I was in high school. But since I've dated her I've mostly stayed away from it since I don't really need it and don't really feel comfortable with the whole thing in the first place. Any thoughts?

[Emberstone]

what is truly bad about porn is how unrealistic it is. it sets a standard that is stupid, expecially when people watch it and think that is what sex is.

It is more about acting out noise than anything remotely romantic.

[angel424]

Dude, agreed! Also there was a psych study that showed that men who viewed porn were more likely to degrade women and view them as sex objects, but who knows how much that relates to real life (or if I'm remembering the study correctly ><). It is (obviously) degrading and portray both genders in a bad and unrealistic way. My friend also is feeling horrible about herself, and her self esteem has plummeted =(( I don't think it's like inherently evil or anything, but it can def hurt relationships and affects people's perceptions toward sex and intimacy.

[TheEdend]

I have never truly understood the taboo that people have towards porn. My uncle "taught" my cousins and I from the beginning the bad and good things about porn, but he never told us it was evil or anything, just that it had to be handled correctly just like any other thing in life.

I think it depends on the person who watches it and how they view it. If you know porn isn't real and that having sex is different from making love then there is no big deal. Also, if a relationship can be in trouble because of porn then it was never a healthy relationship to begging with. At least in my opinion.

When I date a guy we even sometimes share porn sites or videos we like. Its just fun and I think you can learn a lot about what your bf likes by knowing what porn he likes.

[Rikudo]

It's a fantasy nothing more than that although sometimes people get the wrong idea about it and think it's reality.

[angel424]

Hmm I also just wondered something, if it depends on if it's a same gender or other gender relationship. Like a gay guy can understand why their bf finds something hot, but a girl doesn't seem to understand what her bf finds so great about it, and girls especially seem to get hurt by it. Maybe? Just a theory haha I've only heard a couple people's opinions on the matter so I don't really know what the general feeling towards it is. My friend that's a girl and my gf both hate it but I haven't talked to many guys about it... obviously since it's kinda a weird thing to bring up =P

[Zontar]

I like amateur porn. Healthy mix of fantasy with reality. You also know that, since no money was involved, shit's real and spectacular. God bless the information age.

[TheEdend]

Originally Posted by angel424

Hmm I also just wondered something, if it depends on if it's a same gender or other gender relationship. Like a gay guy can understand why their bf finds something hot, but a girl doesn't seem to understand what her bf finds so great about it, and girls especially seem to get hurt by it. Maybe? Just a theory haha I've only heard a couple people's opinions on the matter so I don't really know what the general feeling towards it is. My friend that's a girl and my gf both hate it but I haven't talked to many guys about it... obviously since it's kinda a weird thing to bring up =P

You might have a point, but I also know that a lot of straight couples watch porn together and things like that so its not exactly the rule that straight couples can't handle porn in the relationship.

I think it really depends on the person. Specially if someone isn't secure about the relationship then porn can really bring those problems out.

[alexi12]

It helped me figure out that I'm gay, but that's all I've ever used it for. I don't like it very much. I think it is good for the confused people out there.

[steel03]

I'd rather look at pictures or watch videos of real people I think are attractive. I guess the sex itself just isn't as much of a turn-on for me. I don't have much of a problem with porn, though, unless it becomes an addiction or leads to objectification. That's not so great.

[ArcaneVerse]

Nothing wrong with porn when its used in moderation. Can it hurt a relationship? of course people have broken up over way more trivial things, should it be a reason for trouble in a relationship is a more important question and the answer, IMO at least, is no it shouldn't but you should always be upfront and honest with your partner.

Most, usually straight, girls tend to have many misconceptions about porn. They are raised to believe its degrading to women and is dirty etc. so when they find out there partner is looking at porn they don't know how to handle it.

First thing they need to know is just because their partner is watching porn and masturbating, it doesn't mean that they aren't good enough for them. Second thing is most guys know that porn stars aren't realistic and most guys don't actually want to date someone like those in porn, its just a fantasy and like most fantasies they usually aren't as good in real life.

And about how porn objectifies women (I say women because that's all that anyone seems to care about when it comes to porn which is way sexist.), well of course it does in a sense. Porn is an aid to jerking off, therefore the subjects in the film are objectified but that's what its made for and usually doesn't extend beyond the porn. But its no different then all the people walking down the streets checking people out or people fantasizing about celebrity's or characters in a book. Its only a problem when you cant interact with people in a healthy manner.

Anyways that's just my views.

[Owen]

Originally Posted by Zontar

I like amateur porn. Healthy mix of fantasy with reality. You also know that, since no money was involved, shit's real and spectacular. God bless the information age.

Excellent point. This is the same reason I prefer amateur stuff, myself, even though I've never thought of it that way.

[haelmarie]

I think the reason a lot of women don't like porn is because a lot of it is not just objectifying but also violent. Also the porn industry itself is involved in economic exploitation of women.

Some links I found after a quick Google search:
Think It's Not a Problem?
Responses to Frequently Asked Questions and Pro-Pornography Arguments
Feminist views on pornography - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Pseudojim]

i prefer amateur porn. I like watching real people actually giving each other (or themself) pleasure.

[ArcaneVerse]

Originally Posted by haelmarie

I think the reason a lot of women don't like porn is because a lot of it is not just objectifying but also violent. Also the porn industry itself is involved in economic exploitation of women.

Some links I found after a quick Google search:
Think It's Not a Problem?
Responses to Frequently Asked Questions and Pro-Pornography Arguments
Feminist views on pornography - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Firstly most mainstream porn doesn't involve violent scenes at all, secondly the ones that do are mostly staged. Economic exploitation of women, really? I guess so.

Also I hate it when all anyone focuses on is women, what about the Economic exploitation and objectifying of men? seriously. Sexist BS. Not that I believe there is anything wrong with the so called "exploitation & objectifing" supposedly going on but if people are going to rant about it they should at least be fair about it.

The whole word runs on exploitation, we all are used and we all use others in one way or another. Its not just a female porn industry thing.

Those links aren't very reliable btw. I mean sure the porn industry can be a seedy place but mostly its all voluntary.

[Zontar]

I can't help but notice the only "feminists" who are against pornography are religious-oriented or radical. Just throwing that one out there. Note my use of quotation marks.

[ArcaneVerse]

Originally Posted by Zontar

I can't help but notice the only "feminists" who are against pornography are religious-oriented or radical. Just throwing that one out there. Note my use of quotation marks.

& or hate men. a lot of them are very sexist towards men.

I believe there are many normal Feminists out there but they are overshadowed by the nutters. I highly dislike most Feminists and its not because they want women's rights.

I prefer people who say they want Equal rights anyways.

[Zontar]

Originally Posted by ArcaneVerse

& or hate men. a lot of them are very sexist towards men.

I believe there are many normal Feminists out there but they are overshadowed by the nutters. I highly dislike most Feminists and its not because they want women's rights.

I prefer people who say they want Equal rights anyways.

Are they really feminists though? Or are they just nutty radicals? Personally, I have no objection to equal rights for women.

[ArcaneVerse]

Originally Posted by Zontar

Are they really feminists though? Or are they just nutty radicals? Personally, I have no objection to equal rights for women.

They are feminists if they say they are feminists I guess. It does tend to be the ones who label themselves Feminists that are slightly cracked.

[Helen]

While this is a very interesting discussion, I must remind all of you not to post any links to websites containing pornography (even ones that advertise themselves as being female-friendly, which yours truly often visits! ), or go into too much detail about what you like and don't like in porn.

Also, Zontar, I would definitely call myself a feminist, and I am against most mainstream porn (as I've said, there are companies seeking to dispel the problem of women being objectified by using women as their target market, which I whole-heartedly endorse ).

I'm not religious, I'm not radical, and I love men. You may have generalised a leetle too much there