Identity Crisis

[Dreamer5009]

Hey, It's dreamer, and I just wanted to expound upon my thoughts on how I identify myself. When I was with my ex-boyfriend Erik, I loved him, but I didnt think I was ready for how far we went. When I think about male homosexual couples and female homosexual couples, I find the sensuality and romance aspect is greater in the female homosexuals. That's just how I view it.
However, when I was going through my depressive/emo phase, I went to a lot of emo websites and I've always found that emo boys kissing each other is one of the cutest things I've ever seen. It seriously makes me blush and wish that for myself. It makes me wonder what exactly I am, how I should identify myself in order to make myself the happiest I can be. After all, that's what it's about. I used to think of myself as homo-romantic and heterosexual. I have no clue what I am anymore.
If anybody could help me out and/or offer their personal view on the matter's I've expressed in this thread, then it will be greatly appreciated.

[bookworm43]

it's ok that you don't know what you are exactly yet, and don't feel pressured to put a label on it. i suggest that you just date, male or female, and find someone you want to be with. to get that blush-y, sweet relationship, you have to find the right person. it takes time, but there's someone out there for everyone.

i hope this has helped!

[Dreamer5009]

Thank you for your response. I guess that is the best course of action, its just, like the impatient person I am, I want to know now. lol Also, some things I forgot to mention were that I love dressing up in colorful outfits, expressing myself as a happy and colorful person, but the societal norms are such that men who do that are considered homosexuals on sight. Does it also mean that if I like to keep my legs, chest and arms shaved? So what? I just dont like how it looks. I want to be able to express myself without people thinking less of me. I care too much about what other people think of me.

[bookworm43]

Well, think about it this way: would you rather be stuck in a "heterosexual" look, and feel unhappy and uncomfortable? Or would you rather be your happy, colorful self? It's much more satisfying to be yourself than to conform to what other people want you to be. Try not to care too much about what people think (and I know, like, what a hypocrite, coming from a 14 year old girl we're so looks obsessed lol). if you care too much, than you feel all wound up, stressed, and uncomfortable- at least, that's how i feel, when i worry too much about what others think. and remember, people worth knowing wont care about what you look like, and will care about your personality more. that's who people want to know- the happy you.

[Dreamer5009]

Wow, thanks. lol I'm sure I've been told this before, but I guess you just helped me realize the truth of it now. Thanks a lot! Whatever I turn out to be, I'll make sure that I'm happy with it. If I'm not, then thats not who i am. lol

[bookworm43]

ur welcome! if u ever need to talk or vent, i am a friendly listening ear.

[Dreamer5009]

Thanks! I'll keep that in mind! I generally dont like to vent to people because I dont want to suck them into my problems, though.

[kiersten]

Dreamer5009, it has taken me since the age of 10 to FINALLY figure out who I am. It's been a really long 25 years, but once I figured it out I felt so much more better about admitting it to myself that I am a girl. While I'm still not out to anyone but here on EC, my advice is just go slow & when you finally do figure it out, you'll be so much more happier & comfortable with yourself! And don't be afraid to ask anyone here, they've all been incredibly helpful for me & I know they will be there for you too!

[Dreamer5009]

Thank you Kiersten! I'll definitely ask around for advice. lol Lord knows I need it.

[kiersten]

Big hugs to you, and definitely don't be afraid to ask anyone here! I'm so glad I did!