How do you know where to set your standards?

[JimmyJam]

You find someone who has a good personality and is attractive - but they also use drugs, or they are a total slut who has given everyone a bj, or they have an anger management problem, or they have a lot of tattoos and piercings, or they are from a different social class and that gets in the way, or they are homophobic and lash out at you.

When love is so scarce in the world, how do you know where to draw the line between someone you would date and someone you would reject? What are your standards? Do you reject at the first sign or do you wait awhile?

[Kidd]

I think that this is a very good question. I can't remember where I read it but in a book once I read that we accept the love that we think we deserve and I agree with that statement completely. I don't know what else to say about it.

[thedreamwatch]

First, I don't believe in sluts. I don't care who anyone has slept with, how many times, how often, etc, as long as it was safe.

Second, the shit that gets in the way of having a healthy relationship is where I draw the line. If the mental, emotional and/or physical health of me or her is in irreparable danger from our relationship, that's it, game over. That's kind of vague, I know, but it's really a situation by situation thing.

[Just Passing]

For me, I would date someone I truly loved and who had a great personality that equaled my own in other ways. Being attractive would be an added bonus. That being said, looking at the potential downsides, the only things I would potentially have a problem with are:

Drugs or smoking - A real turn off, although controlled drinking is acceptable even though I have no interest in the stuff.

Tattoos and piercings - I'm not a tattoo guy, but it's possible that I can tolerate it, the same goes for piercings. Too much of it is way too much.

[Bibliophile]

This is an interesting topic as I think that people not keep to a standard could be the cause of many relationship issues. I myself will not date anyone with a drug habit or any severe addiction. I also cannot deal with anyone that is not of a similar level of intelligence to me. That may sound mean but if I have a 30 minute conversation and then have to go back and explain half of it things are going to start to annoy me. Someone that has extreme emotional issues is also not someone I could be with. If they cannot love themselves and care for themselves they cannot have a healthy relationship. Other then that I do have traits that I look for but they are not mandatory as I have dated people I never would have picked from a list of what I generally look for in a significant other.

[Danny19]

Originally Posted by Kidd

I think that this is a very good question. I can't remember where I read it but in a book once I read that we accept the love that we think we deserve and I agree with that statement completely. I don't know what else to say about it.

i agree with this statement.. some may try to deny it but sometimes it can be done unconsciously

[ArcaneVerse]

Sometimes love is about imperfections and carrying someone through tough times. Lending them the strength that they don't have but desperately need.

Sigh, I don't have any standards except that they love me for who I am, glorious flaws and all (& I have many). I mean I have preferences but that isn't always what's real or important.