Does anyone else hate it when straight people (especially girls) talk about their "gay friend" or their "gay pet" or just their "gay" as though they own them? My best friend's roommate last year could never stop talking about her "gay" or her "pet gay" from high school and how much she loved him, and both of us couldn't stand that. I'm not anybody's pet. Nobody owns me. I don't want to be "the token gay." We aren't gay for other people's pleasure; this is our whole life. We're just as gay when we're throwing up in the bathroom at 4:00 am during flu season as we are when we're helping you choose a dress (or whatever it is "pet gays" do). These people don't get how hard it is, how much we have to go through to get to the point where we can be comfortable being out. It trivializes it, it boils my entire personality down to one trait, and it demoralizes me. Isn't that exactly what hate speech does...? So I was just wondering if anyone else has noticed this or has any opinions on it.
There was a time when one of my guy friends (who is actually bisexual), introduced me to new people as, "This is Lisa my lesbian friend." No joke. After a couple times, I pulled him aside and told him that that's not how you introduce people and I would respect it if he simply introduced me as "Lisa". Not everyone needs to know my full story. And if I feel like sharing it or if they have some gaydar, then I will reveal it.
um well my friends never introduce me as their gay friend. and they dont say im their gay pet or watever. however if they ever dared to call em they will hear it good from me. i dont take that kind of stuff. they respect me how i respect me. if they wanna be rude then i can play that game too. lets see who wins..lol
I have a friend who is obsessed with finding 'a gay best friend.' She wants someone to go shopping with and to check out guys with. I don't know if she honestly just wants a friend to do this with or if she wants him to like a pet. My friends don't introduce me as 'the gay one'. They know I'd be pissed. Or I'd say, this is my friend [name] the [something about them that's personal] one. Taste of their own medicine I say.
^HAH I like that idea. "This is Karen, she struggles with anorexia." "This is Grace, she's actually not blonde, but crippling insecurity has forced her to put on this front." "This is Aaron, he collects Polly Pockets." XD
It's a dumbass world out there frankly. Do I go introducing my straight friends to my gay ones by being all "this is so and so, he/she's straight!" >_>
To the 3 above people, exactly. I find it quite funny (not in a funny, ha-ha way, but in an annoyingly aggravating way) that people insist on throwing your secret out there. Like how I told a small group of friends once that I was gay, and the next thing I know people I didn't know were like, "Oh you're the gay girl that hangs out with so-and-so, right?"
I can understand if it's a secret, but otherwise I think some people are just way too sensitive to this sort of thing. Chill out.
This isn't just a case of people getting offended; there's more to it than just the person reducing your entire personality down to your sexual orientation (though that part of it should not be dismissed). It's a fact of human psychology that people will always compare every experience they have with a person, place, activity, or anything else with their first impression; the first impression sets the bar by which we judge everything else. That's why stores sometimes claim that expensive items are "on sale" and are marked down from an even higher price. Chances are, that item was never that expensive; they were just manipulating your first impression so they could make you can think a high price is reasonable. Similarly, if you are introduced to someone and your introducer introduces you as their "gay friend", that person will forever think about everything you do through the lens of your homosexuality. As they learn more about, they'll think things to themselves like, "Oh, he likes musicals; that makes sense because he's gay," or "Oh, he likes sports; that's amusing to me because he's gay, and that doesn't fit the stereotype." Now personally, I don't want my homosexuality to be the defining characteristic of people's image of me. If they learn other things about me first, they'll know me as "that thoughtful, witty math major who happens to like guys", rather than, "that gay guy who is thoughtful, witty, and is majoring in math". And I'd rather be thought of as the former than the latter. If you think that that's me being too sensitive about this kind of thing, then at least we have found where we differ. *As an example of what I mean: say a pair of shoes costs $300. A salesperson will tell a customer, "These are usually $700 dollars, but they're on sale for $300," and though a potential customer might not have bought the shoes before because that's a ridiculous price to pay for shoes, a customer's knowledge that those shoes cost $700 before makes them more likely to consider $300 a reasonable price.
Am I the only one that thought of like a gay Chihuahua when they read the title? Sorry I know its way off topic but that really was my first thought at spotting this thread.
Actually, you're not the only one. I totally walked in here thinking it'd be about tiny dogs or some shit xD
It's not about it being a secret for me - I'm fine with people knowing I'm gay. It's about the implications of ownership this attitude has, as well as the stereotypes it plays into and the trivializing of homosexuality as something fun and amusing for other people to enjoy.
I've never had someone refer to me as her "gay" anything. I have on occasion called one of my lesbian friends my "lesbian girlfriend," however. But not to someone else, just to her. She thought it was sweet.
I don't think it would bother me too much, but then again it's never happened to me. If it happened regularly, I'd probably get annoyed, but otherwise I'd take it like a joke. I was thinking the same thing. Like a dog somehow got their sexuality from their master or something.
