It suck to fall when you shouldn't...doesn't it?!

I fell for, and still kinda am, a guy who is taken. I've had eyes for him for a loooooong time. He's been with his BF and has been with him for years. whats worse is he has joked that he'd be into me if he wasn't taken. He likes all the same nerd stuff I do and is super cute and nice as can be.
Just typing this kinda makes my heart flutter a bit, but it just wan't meant to be.

 

-sigh- It's just too hard to fall to someone you simply just can't, because he's straight... I'm lying between gay and bisexual because of this one guy that I've been highly obsessed with. I wish he was gay, I said, but it turned out he had a girlfriend. I was basically hopeless but strangely, I feel not that much depressed because I often say I still have chances, if ever I could tell him I like him and that time flies. Someday, they might break up and it might be my chance. I also had crushes to other boys but only him was the person I really loved the most, in secrecy...

Up to now, I'm still waiting for a chance to do so...

 

the first person i fell for was my best friend, i didn't know this and i was at his place everyday... i sort of practically forced my friendship on him in the begining and later on were were just natural friend. He is straight, have a gf and even a baby boy. But a few years later he and his gf have split up for a amost a year and we both were sitting in his room... we were on drugs... he doesn't have a problem with me being naked (i sleep in the nude most of the time) so when i got horney i started to play with my self and you know what so did he... i figured it was the right time to come out to him, but still fear o confessing my love for him.

That night was quite enjoyable but i still never told him how i felt for him... and he is still straight... and maybe due to my influence might be a little on the bi side LOL

 

I've been there and got the t-shirt, at least three times. You are not alone. I'm sure many of us have been there too.

All you can do is try to get the person out of your mind and out of your life, then the feelings will gradually fade. If you see him regularly then it is so much more difficult. All of mine ended when circumstances meant I didn't see them any more.

I still think of the last one sometimes. I try not to but can't totally block him from my mind even though he treated me like shit.

 

i can't even fully express how badly i agree with you.

so i'm a lesbian, but like most people of any gender orientation, i'm not attracted to every girl i see. but for me especially, the personality factor has a lot to do with the attraction i feel for a girl. but before i knew that guys just don't do it for me (that's a combo if ignorance and denial, but that's another story), i had this guy friend who i'd known since we weren't fully potty trained. he was skinny, had sparkly eyes, fluffy curly hair (he was, frankly, kind of girly looking) and made me laugh. i was sure he liked me back for a while, but nothing ever came of it. the physical attraction just wasn't there. i had to get my distance from him for a long time to fully get over him- now we're like strangers. it's kind of sad, but these things just happen, i guess.

hang in there. try to get your distance from him if you can- feelings fade after a while if you go without seeing him long enough. and try to meet someone else- you know that old saying that you don't truly get over someone until you meet someone else? there's some truth in that, you know. I wish you luck!!

 

yeahh, I fell for my best friend once. Not fun. Don't feel like going into the details. But time heals all (or at least most) wounds, so I'm fine now, and you will be too Don't worry

 

i fell for a lesbian............that sucked.

 

I fell for my ex best friend. That was a fun two years. At first I thought I just really liked her as a friend, and then she told me she had a crush on me, and I looked at our relationship again and realized "Hey maybe I do like her as more than a friend.." And then when I finally told her, she told me she had been kidding with me. But it didn't stop there.

For the next year and a half she used me as her crutch whenever whoever she was dating at the time dumped her. She also took advantage of my feelings for her on multiple occasions. My 'favorite' time was when she told me she wanted to go on a date. Of course I said yes, and I took her to the movies. But afterwards when I asked her how she felt our date went she told me, very bluntly, that she just said it was a date so I'd pay for the movie. *facepalm*

 

This guy, ok call him M, we sleep over at one another's places constantly, either we were playing games, smoked weed, or just chatting so late in the night that either me nor him felt like going home. When he slept at my place, he usualy sleeps on the couch and me in bed and his place it was me on the couch and he in the bed.

We had been friends for a long time when it happened, we were so close friends that he would tel me or sometimes show me things that he thinks is wrong with his bidy and the smae with me. Not that we were sending signals to one another, but rather we were so close we shared almost everything. That night when it happened he introduced me to ecstacy. He knows that with some weed we smoke i get horney often and sometimes he get's horney.

I once told he if he gets horney and he wish to pluck the old chicken that he shouldn't be shy about it and he told me the same thing. We knew by then one another's insecurities, we have deep conversatons, the way friends are supposed to have. What happened that night i still think it was natural step for a deeper friendship, but i don't know. about a year or so later i moved out of the city so we kinda broke contact with one another. I still miss him, not as a love, but as the friends we were and the things we shared.

 

My best friend who I met in grade 3. He is the only person I have really fallen for. We were best friends from the moment we met, we went to his house or mine every single day and we spent every single possible moment together. We did and to this day consider each other brothers. But since I know he is straight I always put his romantic needs before mine. I helped him patch things up with his girlfriend and would always give him advice when needed. I always have and always will love him it won't stop me from finding someone else but he is an important person to me nonetheless. I told his mom I was gay before I told my own and he knew before my mom and even though he had moved like 7 hours away he wanted to drive down for when I told my mom for moral support and to congradulate me.

 

I already know that this is going to be long. Forgive me; I'm not given to brevity when writing about things that matter to me.

Let me tell you about J (name left out out of some sense of it being the right thing to do). J lived in the same dorm on the same floor as me my first year of college, and he was the first guy I ever asked out; if you're interested in the nitty-gritty details, you can read about them in this blog post. I thought he was cute, and I wanted to ask him out, but I was wracked trying to work up the courage to do so, largely because, while I suspected that he liked guys, but I didn't know for sure, and that was the first thing I had to ask him. One night, having interacted with him very little (our previous interactions were pretty much limited to a conversation the night of a fire drill on our floor), I managed to work up the courage to ask him if he liked guys. It's still something I look back on and say, "If I could work up the courage to do that, I can do this." ("This" being whatever I am psyching myself up for)

Well, it turned out that he did like guys (his exact answer was, "I don't care either way."). We played Super Smash Bros Brawl that night, and we had a few more play sessions that semester that were indeed fun, but due to my complete inexperience with these matters (my only relationship before then had begun with the other guy asking me out), I made some minor blunders in the budding stages of the friendship that, due to my over-analyzing everything, led me to think that I had completely bollocksed up any chance of our friendship remaining, and being that we had a month of school left after I had asked him if we could get to know each other, I went into summer vacation sure in the knowledge that he would want nothing to do with me when we returned. You can read about my thoughts going into that vacation here.

The next semester came, and after I saw J while moving in, he said, "Hi," and I got butterflies in my stomach and realized I wasn't over him, I spend the next few days chastising myself for losing control of my feelings when there was no sign they would be reciprocated. In other words, I was still operating under the assumption that he didn't want to be friends with me. A few days into that semester, I was sitting with some of my friends at dinner, and who should walk into the dinning hall looking for someone he knows but Mr. J. I saw him and immediately turned my head, sure he wouldn't want to be reminded of my blunders and embarrassment last semester.

But something unexpected happened: he walked over to where I was sitting and sat with us. The rest of my friends were almost done with their dinners when he sat down, so they left not long after he sat down. I can't blame them, because when I discovered that he actually desired my company, overcome with emotions that I can't put words to now, I ignored them and talked only with him. It's worth noting that J and I eventually developed the kind of friendship where most of our conversation was full of nerdy stuff that only we were interested in, so I'm not surprised that those guys didn't stay to participate in the conversation (I think it was about WoW).

Chance encounters in the cafeteria (some less chance than others) allowed our friendship to develop more. I say "some less chance than others" because I sometimes tried to be there the same time he would be so we could have more "chance encounters". You see, until very recently, I was very much a passivist as regards changes in my life. I was much more comfortable letting chance dictate what would happen to me and not trying to make good things happen in my life. I also had this idea in my head that a relationship should develop "naturally" without the two people trying to make it happen. As such, rather than just say to him one day, "We should exchange numbers so we can meet like this more often," I would try to observe when he would come to dinner and try to be there the same time as him, so I could either go sit with him or he would come sit with me. A bit creepy, I'm sure, but it almost always worked when we did happen to be there at the same time. Those chance encounters and a few more Brawl sessions strengthened our friendship more, and at that point, I was just happy that he considered me a friend after what I thought was a disastrous attempt to get a relationship off the ground. That's how that semester went.

At the beginning of the next semester, a couple of different circumstances allowed me to move into a different room from the one I was in the semester before (one that was farther away from J's room than my previous one). This new room had a lot of things going for it that made me excited to move into it, but it was only when I actually made the switch that I realized that it had a benefit I hadn't even considered when moving: it was much closer to J's room. We saw a lot more of each other that semester; I had to walk by his room to get to mine, allowing me to look in as I did (our dorms have an "open door" policy), and often times he would have something on his computer that I could excusably comment on, which would start a conversation and an impromptu hang-out session. A few other times, I would just go by when I had nothing else to do and say, "What's up?" So for several reasons, we hung out a lot more.

The first sign I saw of any interest on his part was the fact that he always seemed to enjoy my company, very rarely sent me away when I knocked on his door (and when he did, it was always because he was really busy), and he was rarely the person to end a conversation between us. However, all of the other signs pointed to him not wanting a relationship with me. When I brought up sex one day (made sense in context), he casually said, "Why would I want that?" sarcastically, in a way that made it seem like the reasons why he wouldn't want it were self-evident and obvious (he later revealed that he was worried about emotional baggage). He had the exact same responses to the idea of relationships, in terms of not wanting one, thinking it was obvious why he didn't want one, and being afraid of emotional baggage. I remember he once made his disinterest in sex even more obvious in a conversation between a friend of mine, him, and I, and the way he said it made me so flabbergasted that I couldn't help but ask, "Are you asexual?" and without batting a lash, he said, "I've often suspected as much," as if me asking him that and him answering that weren't at all out of the ordinary. Aside from his complete disinterest in anything relationship or sex related, he also never initiated anything in our friendship. I was always the one asking if he wanted to play Brawl, if he wanted to hang out, if he wanted to go to the dinning hall, and though he always enjoyed himself when we did that, he never reciprocated interest and asked me anything similar. And to top it all off, he didn't like hugs. That wouldn't work, because I love hugs, as well as their next logical evolution: cuddling.

In spite of all those signs that the interest was not mutual, I resolved to ask him out. I'm not ashamed to admit I was in love with the guy. I could feel it when ever I hung out with him: any time circumstance put us within each other's comfort zone, I could feel how much I enjoyed it. Any time his showed his little quirks, the quirks within which you find a person's personality, it made me giddy. I knew I would regret not asking him out more than asking him out and being rejected, especially when I became sure in the fact that the absolute worst that could reasonably happen was that he would say no and we would continue being good friends. I remember going home for spring break and recounting all of this to my best friend who ended up being the one who helped me find the guts to ask him out. She did this by telling me that she would give me a week after I had returned to ask J out, and if I hadn't, she would call me and ask me whether I had asked him out, and I would feel very silly for not having done so. Coming from her, this was motivation enough.

I ended up doing it the day after I returned; I can't remember whether I saw him the day I returned and just couldn't work up the nerve to do it, or I just didn't see him. Anyways, the next day, I went to his room and decided, "This is it, it's do or die time. If you could work up the courage to ask him if he likes guys, you can do this." I think the last time I was that nervous was when I had asked him if he liked guys. Of course, as I went to his room, I walked past it an went to the bathroom, still afraid to ask. It was while I was in one of the stalls, not needing to pee at all and standing there as if I had to, that I said, "This is silly; go and meet your destiny." So I went to his room, asked him how he was doing, and after having some conversation as a formality, I finally said it. I had spent quite a bit of time working on the wording, and it went something along the lines of, "I know this is something you might be hesitant about, but I think I'll regret anything that can result from asking more than not asking at all. I really enjoy your company, and I feel like conversation flows really easily between us, so I want to ask: do you think we could be more than friends?" As someone else here once said, I felt like I had jumped out of a plane without a parachute, and now it was up to him to catch me.

He thought about it for quite some time. The fact that he was giving it serious thought helped the seconds not seem like hours, because that told me he was actually considering it and wasn't put off by my asking. And yet, it wasn't meant to be. I still remember how he responded: "I'm going to say no. [long pause] Because, I'm not attracted to you romantically. I really do like you a lot... [short pause] just not romantically." I nodded, and we moved on to another topic of conversation, so that I could show him I hadn't tried to be friends with him just because I wanted to date him. That conversation lasted about as long as our conversations usually did, before I went back to bed. And when I did, I felt like absolute shit.

One of the things I had always heard about crushes was that you'll always regret never asking them out more than asking them out and getting rejected. In that moment, I didn't believe a word of it. As I walked back to my thankfully empty room (the roommate likes to comeback late, and I don't mind, because it never wakes me up if I'm already asleep), the weight of all of that hope I had held for a relationship between us, all of those fantasies about the romantic things we would have done, and all of those thoughts about how, because of our personalities, we would have made an awesome couple, hit me at once. My friend who had goaded me into it consoled me via text message after I told her about it (I remember, at one point, she said, "I think you should buy yourself a big bag of your favorite candy tomorrow; you deserve it."), and thanks to her, I managed to go to bed a little bit less sad than I was before. But regardless of that, that was a really rough week for me. Really rough.

But things got better, and our friendship carried on, regardless of my failed attempt to move it to the next level. I can't say things got much easier very quickly. Though I tried to convince myself that it was over and I had no reason to expect him to change his mind, I would still be piqued any time he did some little thing, like one time when I was leaning on his doorway while also leaning forward, and he took the exact same position on the other side, making his face very close to mine while smiling. Or the time we were talking and--for dramatic effect, I guess--he moved in very close to me so he was once again very close to my face while smiling. But was really piqued me and made it very hard for me to remain detached from the idea of our friendship becoming something more was that he started seeking out my company, asking me if I wanted to go to dinner, and playing my game (Rock Band) in my room. In other words, one of the signs that he wasn't interested (the fact that he never reciprocated interest in the friendship unless I did first) had now been eliminated. It took everything in me to not embarrass myself by not asking him out again... though upon reflection, maybe I should have. One of the things I regret most about the night I asked him out was that I was too defeatist to flat out say, "You know, romantic attraction can develop if you date someone. I wasn't romantically attracted to the second guy I dated until we started dating." (though that wasn't all that true).

I still remember the night when I realized that I was really a wreck because of him. We were playing Rock Band; I was on guitar, and he was singing. It began when he chose Jonathan Coulton's "Code Monkey", a song about unrequited love, dealing with stupid people, and lack of existential fulfillment; in other words, it speaks to me on many levels. One of my little romantic fantasies has always been for a computer nerd to serenade me with that song, if only because the chorus contains the line "Code monkey like you" (the song is written entirely in Hulk-speak, so it translates to, "I, Code Monkey, like you."). At that moment, J, a computer science major and very much a nerd, was singing it in front of me. That, while causing me a bit of emotional turmoil, was more something that I just noticed the irony in than anything else. But then he picked No Doubt's "Don't Speak" (at my suggestion, no less, because he isn't very familiar with Western music and was having trouble finding songs he knew). I love that song, and sang along with him for most of it, but it was difficult because that was one of the songs I used to console myself during that summer of angst when I thought we could never have a relationship. But I hit rock bottom emotionally when we got to the part where he had to sing "Hush, hush, darling," repeatedly. Hearing him, the man I once loved, even if it wasn't reciprocated, say the word "darling" was almost too much to bear. I had to stop singing along so I could focus entirely on keeping my composure (being as good at the game as I am, the guitar-work didn't require much focus).

But it wasn't all bad news. We did have a lot of fun playing, and it was pretty fulfilling when, after a particularly awesome song or play-session, we would fist-pound, which I'm pretty sure is the most affection he has ever shown for anyone outside of his family (and possibly inside too; when I helped him move his stuff out for spring break, he used the term "father" when addressing his dad, like, "I'll be right back with the rest of my stuff, father.")

The best story, though, happened on the second-to-last night that we would see each other (he lives too far away for us to visit over the summer, and he doesn't have a Facebook account, which is how I keep in touch with most of my friends), when our friendship came to its logical climax. A bit of background: one year before then, I was out on a walk with my old roommate, and we found these sticks that brought me back to my childhood, when I would collect sticks that reminded me of guns or swords and use them for solo roleplay. They were perfect sticks for the former reason, and I brought them back to my room. I had kept them in my dorm room since that day. That fateful night, I told J about those sticks, and he asked rather casually if I wanted to fight with them some time. I enthusiastically said yes and got up to go get them. He admitted he didn’t think I would want to do it right then, but he was up for it. So I grabbed them from my room, and he and I sword-fought with sticks in the front yard of my dorm. Of course, we broke the sticks, but I could think of no better farewell for them than to be broken in such a way. Not only was it the perfect climax to our friendship, but I had now also engaged in what used to be solely a solo activity with someone else. Thus my childhood had come full circle and was now complete, all thanks to his help.

The last day we spent together was about as good as he could have made it. As I spend the day packing, he came in the room and spent pretty much the whole day talking to me. When my mother came to pick me up, he helped me take stuff to her car, as I had done for him before. She hugged him (she hugs everyone), and I remember the world of awkward I could see in his face when she did it; I guess he really wasn't kidding when he said he didn't like hugs. After we were finished moving all my stuff, I had to go to the staff office in the basement to check out. That's where we parted ways. As I went to go down the stairs, assuming he would follow me so we could keep spending time together, he went up the stairs to his room, and we almost parted ways without any fanfare. I remember I had told a close friend of mine, one who I told just about all of this (this referring to everything in this post) to as it happened, that I had once hoped to date J, and now I would have been more than satisfied if I could get a goodbye hug out of him. Well, as I stood on the stairway going down and he stood on the stairway going up, I didn't get that hug. Instead, I wished him good luck, happiness, and success in all he does, and we made the fist-pound motion; our fists didn't touch, and seeing the mild disappointment with this fact in his eyes, I said my final words to him: "air fist-bump!"

And so went the saga of J, a story someone I fell in love with whom I shouldn't have. Looking back at it, I think he might have been asexual and aromantic, if not by nature, at least in practice. But the biggest reason why I shouldn't have fallen in love with him was because it just set the stage for me to fall even harder when he said no. The experience had a big effect on me, and I learned my lesson to always temper my feelings for a guy until I can be sure those feelings will be reciprocated. What makes it all worse is that, because my first relationship was with a guy who described himself as "not touchy-feely", my friendship with J was just as intimate as my first relationship; the only real difference was that we didn't call it a relationship.

Looking back at it all, I still feel a sense of what the Germans might call sehnsucht and the Portuguese might call saudade. I guess J was right to be afraid of emotional baggage.

 

Having a crush on a straight guy is one thing. I can deal with that and (most times) almost immediately shut off my infatuation with a straight guy. However, falling in love with one is different, especially when it is inadvertent.

I fell for one of my good friends, and I just recently got over him. I can't even describe the pain I felt, knowing that we would never ever be together, or that he would never return those feelings.

 

Homophobic as it may be, the saying "tiers are for queers" has a lot of truth to it.

No, but you aren't the first person to tell me I'm good at it. I used to be a blogger, so that gave me a lot of practice writing. I think that's why I'm so good. I'm actually a math major, but life will probably put me in a job involving writing at some point.

Aw, thanks! It wasn't easy, but with that experience under my belt, there are a lot more things I can face now.

Oh goodness, I did! I do mention him by name in the blog posts I linked to, so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal.

Glad to hear it!

 

I've been there with a girl and a guy. The girl kept me chasing at arm's length forever, completely in the dark, then made out with a then-friend at a party. Didn't even apologise. Everyone else there was like "how can you do that to [me]? you know he likes you."

Second time was with an absolute young god, he was taller, broad-shouldered, beautiful, funny, amicable....but with one of those playful personalities that I'm sure has ensnared many a confused person. He sat next to me in a lesson that i had every single day, so i would look forward to the class but also dread it because i'd be going into battle against my emotions and intuition. I just wanted everyone else to vanish so i could ask him what the hell was he. Hugs, arm-touching/brushing, knee-brushing, stroking...he even actually kissed me three times on the cheek then on the side of the head. What the hell do you do in response to that, when you're sitting at the front of the classroom and anything you do wil be seen by other people?

The sheer stress from both situation damaged my health. I'm resentful of overly happy/playful people because of this.


People like us don't damn deserve such torture!!!