Parental Relationships

I was reading an article on LGBTQ nation (am I allowed to say that? Its not a social networking site..) about a guy who "Came Out of the Homosexual Lifestyle" Within the article it had mentioned that he had a poor relationship with his father and that is one of the reasons he was homosexual.

This had led me to question the theory. My question for you is: Do or did you have a poor relationship with the parent who is the same gender that you are attracted to?

[FJ Cruiser]

I was just thinking about starting this thread. I wouldn't exactly say I've had a poor relationship with my dad. In fact, he's always supported me, but he's always been a little more distant than what I would've liked.

I'm increasingly clashing with him, but that's just because I'm old enough where I don't always agree with him on everything. It also doesn't help that I've been more than ready to move out, yet I'm home more because of the summer break.

I'm not really comfortable with my orientation enough to have any set opinions on it yet, but I've been thinking that because our orientation is so stigmatized in society, we look deeper into our environment. Our parents didn't screw us up emotionally any more than straight people's. No son has a perfect relationship with their dad. No daughter has a perfect relationship with their mom. We've just analyzed those relationships more in a subconscious effort to convince ourselves it was nurture that made us this way, and maybe we can "nurture ourselves straight" if we identify the causes. We talk about these problems from our past more than others, so our problems are more public than straights'. A stereotype is born. Again, just a developing theory of mine.

[Random Dent]

I have had a poor relationship with my father since I was 12. He was not very nice to me while I was growing up (still can be very mean when he wants to be). I'm not 100% sure if it has anything to do with me being a lesbian...

[Owen]

I've always had a good relationship with my dad.

[Chip]

This is one of those lovely pieces of flawed science where the researcher confuses correlation and causation.

The best example of this is looking at hospitals. More people die in hospitals than in any other place. That's a correlation. To say that hospitals are dangerous because so many people who go there die would be to infer a causation that doesn't exist. And that's exactly what happens with these sorts of statements.

Think about it for a second: If it were really true that a poor or nonexistent relationship with one's father were a causative factor in being homosexual, then there would be a phenomenally high number of gay boys in low-income areas, because there are an overwhelming number of single women raising children in those places. And there isn't. (As far as I know, no one has ever attempted to draw a similar correlation between lesbian daughters and fathers, but I haven't looked into that specifically.)

Now, it does appear to be true that a lot of male gay kids have difficulty with their fathers, but an alternative explanation, one that to me makes more sense given the above, is that it is the fact that the male child is gay that is causing the strained relationship, not the strained relationship causing the gayness. The idea being that unconsciously, the father knows or suspects that the child may be gay, and is uncomfortable with that idea because somehow it's a threat to the father's own masculinity.

Finally, there are also an awful lot of gay males who have outstanding relationships with their fathers, further skewering that spurious correlation.

[Robert]

Originally Posted by lulu165

Do or did you have a poor relationship with the parent who is the same gender that you are attracted to?

Yes.

[Mark182]

I had a pretty good relationship with my dad until I was about 13.
Now we don't talk very much but I still seem to have a better relationship with him than a lot of my male friends have with their fathers.

[Owen]

Originally Posted by Chip

(As far as I know, no one has ever attempted to draw a similar correlation between lesbian daughters and fathers, but I haven't looked into that specifically.)

As far as I know (and I only know this from the "gay education" animation so often posted on this forum), the idea that a boy's relationship with his father can affect his sexuality is Freud's idea, and his idea about lesbians was that they suffer from penis envy and wish to "avenge their perceived castration" by taking a woman for themselves. In other words, since he was the originator of the theory about gay men and he never theorized that lesbians' relationships with their parents affect their sexuality, a lesbian version of the theory doesn't exist at large.

[TheEdend]

Originally Posted by Chip

Now, it does appear to be true that a lot of male gay kids have difficulty with their fathers, but an alternative explanation, one that to me makes more sense given the above, is that it is the fact that the male child is gay that is causing the strained relationship, not the strained relationship causing the gayness. The idea being that unconsciously, the father knows or suspects that the child may be gay, and is uncomfortable with that idea because somehow it's a threat to the father's own masculinity.

This.

I used to have a pretty mah relationship with my dad, but ever since I came out we actually became pretty close and now we have a pretty awesome relationship.

Also, even though we had a mah relationship, my dad is a pretty awesome dad compared to many parents of straight guys out there by far.

[AtmaWeapon]

I got along quite well with my mother and still do. The difficult relationship was with my father. We've always been at each others throats. This is partially because we both have a strong willed, hot-heated, rash, and sometimes ferocious temperament.

[Austin]

Nope I get along well with my father. Didn't so much before though. But we go to the gym everyday and stuff together now.

[Black Cat]

My dad and I are not close. I haven't seen him in 8 years, and haven't spent any time with him in 12. Last I heard he had remarried a woman he met online. I know he moved to North Carolina too. My step-dad and I are on even worse terms: all we do is fight.

I used to completely disprove the idea of how my lackluster relationship with a positive male influence causes my gayness - and I still don't believe it honestly - but at least know I can understand where the idea comes from. However, I have learned through EC that there are enough gay men out there with positive father-son relationships to disprove the theory.

Relationship has always been great with both of my parents and I can't ever imagine myself having a bad relationship with either of them.

[starfish]

Originally Posted by Chip

This is one of those lovely pieces of flawed science where the researcher confuses correlation and causation.

Just another datapoint, I have a fairly good relationship with my father. Sure there were rough times, but we're both older and wiser now.

I've always had an awful relationship with my dad, all we do is fight but I have a great relationship with my step dad who's been around since I was about 3 if that counts for anything.

[Bowie]

I have a mostly good relationship with my father. I have had a couple of bad fights with him, however.

[Markio]

I don't think my relationship with my dad was much different than his relationship with my (straight) siblings. My parents both yelled too much for me to want to hang out with either of them anyway.

[bornbackwards]

I've always had a good relationship with my father, but we've actually gotten closer since I came out. Our relationship now is pretty awesome.

[Allegro molto]

My relationship with my father is non-existent, and I want it to stay that way. He's hurt too many people.

[Mogget]

My dad and I are close, but neither of us is a talker by nature, so we don't say a lot to each other. But I know he'll back me up the hilt if I need him to.