Open Relationships

[I us I]

What are your opinions?

I am married to a beautiful bi-sexual lady, yet I am Straight. We have reached a point in our world where we are discussing the possibility of making our relationship an open one.
Finding places to talk about this is hard. I have so many questions and opinions. Help me out with some feedback:
1. My first concern is; Am I a hypocrite? I am only willing to entertain this idea if it is just women that we are seeking. I am not looking for a swinger / or swapping party. My lady has expressed that she has all the man she needs and that she is only looking for women. But, she is Bi so if we are to be honest with ourselves I have to entertain the thought that she could end up in a threesome that involves a man [after all it is one of the possibilities we want to seek out for us]. The point is at this moment I don’t think I can handle the male involvement. Will I learn to?
2. My next concern; Does this woman exist? My lady desires to find out how she would feel I were with another woman, while she waited in the other room. She believes that she would be turned on. I have heard and discussed this scene in many ways with many different examples of its layout. She has made room for all types. The woman could be straight; if she were Bi an invite to join could be called out. It goes on, with many options of details etc. Lets get to the point, I would like to know how or why the other woman would be interested in being involved with one or both members of a primary couple. Does this woman exist? What are her likes and or dislikes?

[Mogget]

A woman interested in a threesome with you is her own unique person with her own unique reasons for wanting to climb in bed with you and her wife. She's not some generic entity, and looking for a woman as a generic entity will not be successful.

[Kidd]

Originally Posted by I us I

What are your opinions?
1. My first concern is; Am I a hypocrite? I am only willing to entertain this idea if it is just women that we are seeking. I am not looking for a swinger / or swapping party. My lady has expressed that she has all the man she needs and that she is only looking for women. But, she is Bi so if we are to be honest with ourselves I have to entertain the thought that she could end up in a threesome that involves a man [after all it is one of the possibilities we want to seek out for us]. The point is at this moment I don’t think I can handle the male involvement. Will I learn to?

No, you aren't a hypocrite, and I think you should only do what you're comfortable with. You have to put your feelings totally out there completely, so everyone knows where the line is. Since you're straight, I really don't think you're ever going to be alright with another guy there, but sometimes people find out it really isn't as big of a deal as they thought. If it's going to be a MMF threesome, then again, just let them both know what you're alright with. There could be two men there, who don't sexually stimulate each other and just focus on the woman completely, if you know what I mean.

Originally Posted by I us I

2. My next concern; Does this woman exist? My lady desires to find out how she would feel I were with another woman, while she waited in the other room. She believes that she would be turned on. I have heard and discussed this scene in many ways with many different examples of its layout. She has made room for all types. The woman could be straight; if she were Bi an invite to join could be called out. It goes on, with many options of details etc. Lets get to the point, I would like to know how or why the other woman would be interested in being involved with one or both members of a primary couple. Does this woman exist? What are her likes and or dislikes?

Like Liam said, everyone is going to have their own motivations and reasons, and it has to be taken on an individual basis. Some people might just want sex, or a good time, or maybe someone could do it to get back at an ex-boyfriend or something really crazy like that. It depends. There are people out there that would go for it though, they absolutely do exist.

[ezkill]

As a gay person, I dislike the idea of an open relationship. I am certaim the dynamic is different for straight couples. Most people arent emotionally mature enough to handle love triangles or open relationships. Good luck and tread lightly!

[Zontar]

If you're gonna have an open relationship, you're gonna have to use condoms from this point out. Disease is rampant in non-monogamous relationships.

I've considered myself whether or not I would be personally amenable to an open relationship, however, I think the disease risk alone would shut me out.

[thylvin]

Like me and hubby, we are devoted to one another and would never cheat. That said, it isn't a bad thing to have like a 3 some once in a while, but we discuss it before hand and set rules by which we have to abide before even considering it. I think it keeps our sex life healthy and that helps us not wanting to sleep with everyone. I dislike relationships that last few months and then cheating starts. again this is entirely dependent on both parties of the relationship.

[Mad Man L]

Originally Posted by I us I

What are your opinions?

I am married to a beautiful bi-sexual lady, yet I am Straight. We have reached a point in our world where we are discussing the possibility of making our relationship an open one.
Finding places to talk about this is hard. I have so many questions and opinions. Help me out with some feedback:
1. My first concern is; Am I a hypocrite? I am only willing to entertain this idea if it is just women that we are seeking. I am not looking for a swinger / or swapping party. My lady has expressed that she has all the man she needs and that she is only looking for women. But, she is Bi so if we are to be honest with ourselves I have to entertain the thought that she could end up in a threesome that involves a man [after all it is one of the possibilities we want to seek out for us]. The point is at this moment I don’t think I can handle the male involvement. Will I learn to?
2. My next concern; Does this woman exist? My lady desires to find out how she would feel I were with another woman, while she waited in the other room. She believes that she would be turned on. I have heard and discussed this scene in many ways with many different examples of its layout. She has made room for all types. The woman could be straight; if she were Bi an invite to join could be called out. It goes on, with many options of details etc. Lets get to the point, I would like to know how or why the other woman would be interested in being involved with one or both members of a primary couple. Does this woman exist? What are her likes and or dislikes?

1. There are non-man/man contact threesomes available, although you will want to take an open attitude into the thing. Very few people are 100% straight, so you'll have to "develop" a "heteroflexible" attitude at the minimum.

2. She may never find this women, but you'll need to be open and honest about the whole thing. Everyone has different things which push 'their buttons'. But communication is key in the relationship. If you're not going to be comfortable with a guy in the relationship, you may want to let her know.

Just my 2 cents, may be completely wrong :P Although the comments about STDs are something to take a note of.

[thylvin]

There are many woman who is bisexual and will entertain both of your fantasies. But as the others have said and what I previously said. Discuss what you want out of this experience like (excuse me if this gets a little graphical) are you allowed to penetrate the potential woman? are you allowed to kiss her, are you allowed to touch her breast? are you allowed to "muff" her? and the same goes for your wife.

The key to have a successful 3some once in a while without jeopardising your marriage is communications and rules that has to be in place before the actual encounter. Another point you have to take into consideration: When the potential woman does come along, also tell her about the rules and what she is allowed to do or not to do so that she will not unintentionality break any of your rules.

As to what she should look like is entirely dependant on both of you.

To find a potential like is is like recruiting people to work for you. Find out from friends you know, or look through the classifieds... you both have to meet her at the same time in a public place for a cup of coffee or something. Talk to her and find out about her. then when you and your wife is alone, you can discuss it and take it from there. Just a caution make it clear to her that this might be the only time, or that it will be like a once in a while thing. Just so that she also knows where she stands with you two and whether or not she will agree to your rules.

[Miss T]

I may be wrong on this, apologies if so, but my understanding is that your wife is seeking women only? So I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of her being in a situation that warrants a 3sum w/ a guy who isn't yourself. To me she's seeking some girly fun, because like you quoted her, you're all the man she needs. If anything you'll really just have to trust her judgment that if she is faced w/ such a decision she'll respect your feelings and do the right thing. As previously stated by others, be open and honest when you share your concerns/opinions w/ her.

[Blakqsh33p]

Hello. My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship. We are in a very secure relationship and have confidence and trust in each other while participating in sexual relations with others. I am bi and he is straight so we are pretty much in the same boat as you and your wife.

If she seeks only girls that is okay and you are not being a hypocrite by wanting to have sex with other women as well. When we started this open relationship my boyfriend didn't like the thought of me with other guys, he still doesn't really like it but has been warming up to it a little bit over the years.

If you don't feel comfortable with her doing something and vice versa, make some rules and talk about them, every relationship has boundaries. Make sure your rules aren't too harsh and leave room for compromise. For example: My boyfriend isn't allowed to participate in intercourse and make out with a girl at the same time, he can do one or the other, to me, it's too passionate to do them together so he is only allowed to do that with me. Also he has a rule for me where I can't have sex with an other guy unless my boyfriend is completely comfortable with him and we need to discuss it beforehand.

If you feel that you or your wife are getting too comfortable with the lifestyle and feel you may be addicted slow things down. Remember, you two are a couple, partners, you need to keep each other satisfied and don't make each other feel abandoned and that they aren't your first priority, that is very important.

I hope this helped. If you have any questions I didn't answer I would love to answer them personally if you ask.

[musicalfingers]

Me and my Girlfriend are in an open relationship too and have been for ages, we've been a casual item since we were 16 and the dynamics of our relationship change constantly. I mean, I only 'officially' came out as having stron bisexual feelings a couple of days ago.... but she always knew :-/

At first it was just cheeky threesomes and her doing shows with her friends for me, then it evolved into group sex and the like, although I always pretended I didn't like the guys (so many missed opportunities!). I've found from experience that over thinking it and setting out scenarios etched in stone just led to strange feeling, scripted sex and nobody really got to express thier feelings (which is kinda the whole point isn't it?). In our case she would tell me "I don't really like the guys doing it" out of fear I'd be off with a guy rather than playing with her, which led to mass confusion and in turn years of me not being able to tell her I wanted a piece of that too. Personally I have no problems with her being with other guys and never did (secretly i was checking them out too, jealous) but you always have to respect the boundaries.

Sometimes those boundaries change in the heat of the moment. You may have thought, or she may have thought that you guys would really enjoy something and it turned out that it wasn't what you expected once you got into it. You always need an exit strategy and the confidence that your PARTNER is the most important person there and if one feels uncomfortable then both of you do.

But most of all it can be the most rewarding thing you do in some ways. I sleep with other women quite alot but nobody knows me like my GF does and she sleeps with women and men often too but she always knows that I love her more than anyone else ever can. That's the point.... sex can be just sex, but making love is for someone special.

And remember. If the relationship is on the rocks at home then no amount of open relationships, swingers parties, threesomes and free sex can fix it..... you need to be happy in the home BEFORE attempting anything like that.

well that's my view anyways, they all have thier own set of complex dynamics that must be constantly navigated.

Good Luck and rock on.... threesomes are sweet