This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

TwistyRainbow · 19th Aug 2011, 01:52 PM

I joined EC after I came out, but this question's been lingering in my mind: when you are closeted, and don't want anyone who actually knows you to find out, are sites like EC actually more beneficial than going to, say, a GSA? Just because nobody here knows you and will be able to associate your real name with "LGBT."

Edit: I'm not saying you shouldn't go to a GSA if you're in the closet, but I know when I was, I didn't want friends or friends of friends knowing I was gay until I told them or hinted at it.

maverick · 19th Aug 2011, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TwistyRainbow

I joined EC after I came out, but this question's been lingering in my mind: when you are closeted, and don't want anyone who actually knows you to find out, are sites like EC actually more beneficial than going to, say, a GSA? Just because nobody here knows you and will be able to associate your real name with "LGBT."

It has been for me. EC has been my only sort of LGBT support group, mostly because I'm out of college and they're really not that common in my area unless you're in high school or college.

Foxywolf · 19th Aug 2011, 02:02 PM

I do both, I joined my high schools GSA, and I go on this site. I personally think both are beneficial in different ways. Here you can ask questions that you may feel awkward asking anyone in real life. And in a GSA you get to see REAL LIFE gay people haha.

thedreamwatch · 19th Aug 2011, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Foxywolf

I do both, I joined my high schools GSA, and I go on this site. I personally think both are beneficial in different ways. Here you can ask questions that you may feel awkward asking anyone in real life. And in a GSA you get to see REAL LIFE gay people haha.

This.

There's something to be said for the anonymity of the internet. You can share a lot with a large community of people you might never have talked to otherwise. And that is cool.

But there's something to be said about physically being with people at like a GSA/LGBT allance etc. kind of club.

**Owen** · 19th Aug 2011, 03:57 PM

Many of our members, I'm sure, have joined for that exact reason. That's the benefit of us being an internet-based support group: anonymity.

**TheEdend** · 19th Aug 2011, 03:59 PM

I agree with everyone above. Sites like EC and other LGBT groups each serve a different purpose, but they also complements each other very well if you ask me.

Some people use EC as a stepping stone to have enough courage to join an LGBT group, some people use it to ask questions they don't feel talking about in person and some people haven't even heard of a GSA until they join a website.

Also, the one amazing thing about the internet is the amount of people that you are able to reach. A LGBT group can only reach the people around it, but site like EC can reach anyone who has access to the internet, which can be a life saver for many people in very rural areas or in countries were is very looked down upon. This is also the reason why the gay community has done such great progress in what seems like a burst out of nowhere. Now we have places where we can go without having to actually go anywhere or being noticed.

Enaithor · 19th Aug 2011, 04:02 PM

EC is extremely useful for people in the UK. We don't really have GSAs anywhere.
And if we did, very few straight people would go, and most people who went would be assumed to be LGBT. So you would pretty much be outing yourself by attending.

Mad Man L · 19th Aug 2011, 04:10 PM

We don't have GSAs or any form of LGBT support network anywhere.

I mainly joined EC because IRL, the only gay guys I know are socially inept, think I'm stupid, or insane. So its a good place for LGBT discussion in general as well as that regarding coming out, at least in my opinion.

**Eric** · 19th Aug 2011, 04:13 PM

Part of the reason I joined was because there was no actual live, in-person support group locally for teens. Although, I'd bet that I would have been too intimidated and afraid of being outed to actually join one if it were an option. I think sites like EC can be extremely beneficial, particularly to more introverted people.

Samadhi · 19th Aug 2011, 04:28 PM

I found this site enormously helpful, and grounding, while questioning. I still do!

The anonymity of internet based groups really does help one ask questions or whatnot that one wouldn't in normal situations. Though I have a friend or two whom might lurk, or may have joined, so that makes things a little more risky

I do miss the feeling of talking to real people, as it were, rather than an intermediate forum, but I also haven't found any groups to sneak into yet :P

starfish · 19th Aug 2011, 06:19 PM

This site was a tremendous help while I was coming out.

I have since built up a good sized network of gay friends. I still visit this site as the atmosphere is very different. There is a great bunch of people here that really care about each other. While I have not met any of y'all in real real life I still consider everyone here a friend.

paper person · 19th Aug 2011, 08:36 PM

I have GSA in my highschool but the only problem is i feel like goong is pretty much outing yourself. especialy if your an introverted senior who has shown no previous intest.

That said EC has been my best recourse.

SlickyPants · 19th Aug 2011, 11:04 PM

When I was in high school there was no GSA at my school or maybe there was and I was just too deep in the closet to notice one. If there was one I probably wouldn't have gone because, due to paranoia, I would have deemed it to risky and not worth the possibility of getting caught attending. For me EC and the Internet in general were the answer. I could be myself and yet remain anonymous. I think the best resource I found here were reading other people's coming out stories and realizing that most of the time it turned out alright which was a huge boost in my confidence. For the first time in my life it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe that coming out wouldn't be the worst experience of my life.

Unfortunately I joined Empty Closets long after I dropped out of high school so I was never really comfortable with the notion of being 'out' during my high school years. Had I been born a few years later or if I discovered a resource like EC earlier I may very well have had the courage to join a GSA (assuming one existed). I eventually went back to an adult-ed school to get my diploma and I had just come out for the first time to a close friend. Later that spring I had the courage to wear a rainbow pride bracelet to school. My class consisted of a bunch of adults but it was still a huge step for me.

University/College is on the horizon for me (trying to save money) and I think if/when that happens I will join an LGBT group there as I am completely comfortable with it now. Back in high school, not a chance but now that I'm out and proud I would do it in a heartbeat if only to bolster the confidence of someone else who might be struggling.

SaphireMoon · 20th Aug 2011, 09:56 PM

I joined EC because I am currently in the middle of nowhere lol, but i do plan on checking out SAGA(what my school calls GSA) and the community based LGBT center to see how those go but i love EC a very friendly and supportive place

Flyers2011 · 21st Aug 2011, 06:13 PM

I joined this site because my high school has no (and probably will never have a) GSA. They're rather, small and conservative. I didn't know any gay people and I was sort of lost when I found this.

However, in college I plan to join the LGBT club, because I'm out to anyone and everyone. I want to meet more LGBT my age.

Wylde · 22nd Aug 2011, 12:00 AM

The city I live in doesn't have any youth LGBT groups, in or out of schools, that run all year. We have one during the summer. I'm also so closeted that there would be no way I could get to one without being outed one way or the other, it really doesn't help when EVERYONE knows your parents. So EC is a great place for me right now, as I can get support, chat with people and not have to worry about being pulled from my comfortable closet before I'm ready.

Uniboth · 22nd Aug 2011, 12:29 AM

I'm known in my town and a lot of people have questioned my sexuality...mostly due to how I seem to have so many values. Me showing up at a LGBT related place would be social suicide for my entire family...and probably a few strokes here and there. So that's out of the question. EC is the only place I have for support as I learn to accept things beyond my control. Hoping to become a full member soon...I wanna know what it feels like to have a one on one conversation with someone without having to hide anything - tried that with I a shrink...didn't work. Face to face conversations make me insecure.

Bowie · 23rd Aug 2011, 06:42 PM

As many people already said, not everyone has access to offline LGBT support groups. I've recently done some research and found that there are almost no such groups in Brazil, which is rather disappointing (either that or they are hiding really well from Google). EC, on the other hand, is a fantastically helpful tool and absolutely accessible for anyone with internet.

Rinto · 24th Aug 2011, 03:16 AM

This site has been most certainly helpful with my case and I'm very happy to say that I've seen this place.^^ I'm just so thankful I got to see this place in those times of my deeply down days.

But then again, I think nothing beats the feeling of reality, where you tell people and you're out to them in the real world and not in the net communities. I guess this could be some way to come to that point someday.

Mark182 · 24th Aug 2011, 08:42 AM

Like lots of other people said there isn't really any LGBT support groups where I live, at least not any that are much good!

19th Aug 2011, 01:52 PM	#1
TwistyRainbow Co-Captain - Rainbow Nerd Brigade Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Homosexual, homoromantic Out Status: The closet's in ashes Location: From St. Louis, MO; go to school in Nashville, TN Age: 20 Posts: 204 Join Date: May 2011	This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I joined EC after I came out, but this question's been lingering in my mind: when you are closeted, and don't want anyone who actually knows you to find out, are sites like EC actually more beneficial than going to, say, a GSA? Just because nobody here knows you and will be able to associate your real name with "LGBT." Edit: I'm not saying you shouldn't go to a GSA if you're in the closet, but I know when I was, I didn't want friends or friends of friends knowing I was gay until I told them or hinted at it. __________________ ♪You taste just like glitter mixed with rock and roll. I like you a lot, lot, think you're really hot, hot♪ ♪Together we'll find a way to make pure love work in a dirty way♪

19th Aug 2011, 02:02 PM	#3
Foxywolf EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: 95% Lesbian Out Status: One foot out of the closet (Out to 10 people) Location: New York State, near Rochester Age: 19 Posts: 322 Join Date: Jan 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I do both, I joined my high schools GSA, and I go on this site. I personally think both are beneficial in different ways. Here you can ask questions that you may feel awkward asking anyone in real life. And in a GSA you get to see REAL LIFE gay people haha. __________________ "Say what you mean and mean what you say because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

19th Aug 2011, 03:57 PM	#5
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,872 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted Many of our members, I'm sure, have joined for that exact reason. That's the benefit of us being an internet-based support group: anonymity. __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer

19th Aug 2011, 03:59 PM	#6
TheEdend Hope will never be silent EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Extended family still doesn't know Location: Orlando, Florida Age: 21 Posts: 2,831 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I agree with everyone above. Sites like EC and other LGBT groups each serve a different purpose, but they also complements each other very well if you ask me. Some people use EC as a stepping stone to have enough courage to join an LGBT group, some people use it to ask questions they don't feel talking about in person and some people haven't even heard of a GSA until they join a website. Also, the one amazing thing about the internet is the amount of people that you are able to reach. A LGBT group can only reach the people around it, but site like EC can reach anyone who has access to the internet, which can be a life saver for many people in very rural areas or in countries were is very looked down upon. This is also the reason why the gay community has done such great progress in what seems like a burst out of nowhere. Now we have places where we can go without having to actually go anywhere or being noticed. __________________ “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” -Gandhi

19th Aug 2011, 04:02 PM	#7
Enaithor TheDude Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Bedfordshire, England Age: 18 Posts: 545 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted EC is extremely useful for people in the UK. We don't really have GSAs anywhere. And if we did, very few straight people would go, and most people who went would be assumed to be LGBT. So you would pretty much be outing yourself by attending. __________________ "I'm the bloody queen mate. Basically, I rule." - Liz X (...and the lesbians) "Biting's excellent: it's like kissing, only there's a winner!" - the TARDIS (...and more lesbians!) Demons run but count the cost, the battle's won but the child is lost...

19th Aug 2011, 04:10 PM	#8
Mad Man L EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Brisbane, Australia Age: 16 Posts: 1,244 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted We don't have GSAs or any form of LGBT support network anywhere. I mainly joined EC because IRL, the only gay guys I know are socially inept, think I'm stupid, or insane. So its a good place for LGBT discussion in general as well as that regarding coming out, at least in my opinion. __________________ I really should get a proper signature...

19th Aug 2011, 04:13 PM	#9
Eric EC Chat Room Mod EC Chat Mod Gender: Male Orientation: Gayyy Out Status: Open about it. Location: Ontario Age: 18 Posts: 1,374 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted Part of the reason I joined was because there was no actual live, in-person support group locally for teens. Although, I'd bet that I would have been too intimidated and afraid of being outed to actually join one if it were an option. I think sites like EC can be extremely beneficial, particularly to more introverted people.

19th Aug 2011, 04:28 PM	#10
Samadhi Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I take it gay bi gay. Out Status: Friends, sister. Location: Where the drop bears hunt Posts: 126 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I found this site enormously helpful, and grounding, while questioning. I still do! The anonymity of internet based groups really does help one ask questions or whatnot that one wouldn't in normal situations. Though I have a friend or two whom might lurk, or may have joined, so that makes things a little more risky I do miss the feeling of talking to real people, as it were, rather than an intermediate forum, but I also haven't found any groups to sneak into yet :P

19th Aug 2011, 06:19 PM	#11
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 31 Posts: 2,109 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted This site was a tremendous help while I was coming out. I have since built up a good sized network of gay friends. I still visit this site as the atmosphere is very different. There is a great bunch of people here that really care about each other. While I have not met any of y'all in real real life I still consider everyone here a friend. __________________ All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work. --Thomas J. Watson

19th Aug 2011, 08:36 PM	#12
paper person Picking up the pieces Regular Member Gender: guy Orientation: unfortunate Out Status: Never in a million years Posts: 406 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I have GSA in my highschool but the only problem is i feel like goong is pretty much outing yourself. especialy if your an introverted senior who has shown no previous intest. That said EC has been my best recourse.

19th Aug 2011, 11:04 PM	#13
SlickyPants EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Winnipeg, MB, Canada Age: 26 Posts: 542 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted When I was in high school there was no GSA at my school or maybe there was and I was just too deep in the closet to notice one. If there was one I probably wouldn't have gone because, due to paranoia, I would have deemed it to risky and not worth the possibility of getting caught attending. For me EC and the Internet in general were the answer. I could be myself and yet remain anonymous. I think the best resource I found here were reading other people's coming out stories and realizing that most of the time it turned out alright which was a huge boost in my confidence. For the first time in my life it dawned on me that maybe, just maybe that coming out wouldn't be the worst experience of my life. Unfortunately I joined Empty Closets long after I dropped out of high school so I was never really comfortable with the notion of being 'out' during my high school years. Had I been born a few years later or if I discovered a resource like EC earlier I may very well have had the courage to join a GSA (assuming one existed). I eventually went back to an adult-ed school to get my diploma and I had just come out for the first time to a close friend. Later that spring I had the courage to wear a rainbow pride bracelet to school. My class consisted of a bunch of adults but it was still a huge step for me. University/College is on the horizon for me (trying to save money) and I think if/when that happens I will join an LGBT group there as I am completely comfortable with it now. Back in high school, not a chance but now that I'm out and proud I would do it in a heartbeat if only to bolster the confidence of someone else who might be struggling.

20th Aug 2011, 09:56 PM	#14
SaphireMoon Gamer Queen Full Member Gender: Female (MtF) Orientation: questioning but strong towards women Out Status: pretty much everyone except for family (bro knows) Location: about 2-3 hours north of the twin cities in MN Age: 23 Posts: 502 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I joined EC because I am currently in the middle of nowhere lol, but i do plan on checking out SAGA(what my school calls GSA) and the community based LGBT center to see how those go but i love EC a very friendly and supportive place __________________ Light believes that it is the fastest thing in the universe, but no matter how fast it goes darkness is always there waiting for it. If some one has a problem with you, remember it's THEIR problem.

21st Aug 2011, 06:13 PM	#15
Flyers2011 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everyone. And I mean EVERYONE. Location: O-H-I-O! Posts: 886 Join Date: Sep 2010	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I joined this site because my high school has no (and probably will never have a) GSA. They're rather, small and conservative. I didn't know any gay people and I was sort of lost when I found this. However, in college I plan to join the LGBT club, because I'm out to anyone and everyone. I want to meet more LGBT my age. __________________ "We are born with a scream; we come into life with a scream, and maybe love is a mosquito net between the fear of living and the fear of death."- Francis Bacon

22nd Aug 2011, 12:00 AM	#16
Wylde Member Regular Member Gender: FtM Orientation: Gay Out Status: If you ask, I'll tell. Location: Sask. Age: 17 Posts: 35 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted The city I live in doesn't have any youth LGBT groups, in or out of schools, that run all year. We have one during the summer. I'm also so closeted that there would be no way I could get to one without being outed one way or the other, it really doesn't help when EVERYONE knows your parents. So EC is a great place for me right now, as I can get support, chat with people and not have to worry about being pulled from my comfortable closet before I'm ready.

22nd Aug 2011, 12:29 AM	#17
Uniboth Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Posts: 138 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted I'm known in my town and a lot of people have questioned my sexuality...mostly due to how I seem to have so many values. Me showing up at a LGBT related place would be social suicide for my entire family...and probably a few strokes here and there. So that's out of the question. EC is the only place I have for support as I learn to accept things beyond my control. Hoping to become a full member soon...I wanna know what it feels like to have a one on one conversation with someone without having to hide anything - tried that with I a shrink...didn't work. Face to face conversations make me insecure.

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23rd Aug 2011, 06:42 PM	#18
Bowie Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Brazil Age: 19 Posts: 191 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted As many people already said, not everyone has access to offline LGBT support groups. I've recently done some research and found that there are almost no such groups in Brazil, which is rather disappointing (either that or they are hiding really well from Google). EC, on the other hand, is a fantastically helpful tool and absolutely accessible for anyone with internet.

24th Aug 2011, 03:16 AM	#19
Rinto Balance Freak-ish Full Member Gender: Monsieur Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: My chosen people Location: Philippines Age: 16 Posts: 480 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted This site has been most certainly helpful with my case and I'm very happy to say that I've seen this place.^^ I'm just so thankful I got to see this place in those times of my deeply down days. But then again, I think nothing beats the feeling of reality, where you tell people and you're out to them in the real world and not in the net communities. I guess this could be some way to come to that point someday. __________________ Be happy with who you are. When all else abandon you, at least, it's the being who'll love you the most more than yourself. So, never lose your smile.

24th Aug 2011, 08:42 AM	#20
Mark182 Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 5 Friends, Brother,2 Cousins,Parents Age: 16 Posts: 76 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: This site vs. 'real people' when you're closeted Like lots of other people said there isn't really any LGBT support groups where I live, at least not any that are much good!