A strange offer - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Maddogling14 · 6th Sep 2011, 01:55 PM

This is just something that happened recently. I've been chatting with a girl from a dating site for lesbians and bisexual women. The conversations were going very well and we almost settled a date until she revealed that she has a boyfriend and she wanted me to be her girlfriend while at the same time she continues to be with her boyfriend.

I know it's one of the bad reps that bisexuals have been getting, having a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. I've never given it a serious thought until now. Personally I was quite disgusted by the offer, I'd never share a partner with someone else, and sharing a girlfriend with another guy kind of makes it worse.

What are you guys thoughts on this kind of relationship or have you been in a similar situation?

maverick · 6th Sep 2011, 01:57 PM

I refuse to share.

It's one of my few rules, but I know my own nature, and I am a jealous bastard when it comes to stuff like this. Flirt with whoever you want, dance with whoever you want, but the bed you better go home to is mine.

I would never date someone who was dating someone else simultaneously, unless it was an ongoing menage a trois in which all three participants were emotionally involved together on a very deep level.

Daisy1 · 6th Sep 2011, 02:02 PM

I agree with Maverick. Plus, joining late, you're sort of the third wheel. Maybe she just wants to live out a little lesbian fantasy and then go back to her bf.

Maddogling14 · 6th Sep 2011, 02:06 PM

I kind of agree on the menage a trois, but I don't know, I think with three people together there's always gonna be a third wheel.

I'm just gonna stick with monogamy.

@Daisy: True, since she told me that's she's never been with a woman before, so I figure I was just gonna be her plaything. And her boyfriend is totallyyy fine with this and excited to see his girlfriend get down on another woman, ugh!

Shmoe · 6th Sep 2011, 04:09 PM

Polygamy is only good if all agree. Would you be secret lady friend of the night? Then fuck it. If the boy friend knows, Give it a little more thought.

**Lexington** · 6th Sep 2011, 04:19 PM

I wouldn't have any issue befriending or going to bed once (maybe twice?) with somebody in a relationship, so long as their partner was aware and cool with it all. But an actual "relationship"? No.

Lex

thecat06 · 6th Sep 2011, 05:44 PM

I would not want to be in a relationship like that. It would just bother me that the other person did not know.

Leif · 6th Sep 2011, 06:48 PM

I very much agree what is said above. Never get into a relationship if it sounds shady or you're uncomfortable with it. Saying that, I myself am most definitely on the polyamorous side. I am currently in a relationship with two people and love them both incredibly. It's not for everyone though, that's for sure. So just do what makes you happy an feels right.

6th Sep 2011, 01:55 PM	#1
Maddogling14 Newbie Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Some people Posts: 5 Join Date: Aug 2011	A strange offer This is just something that happened recently. I've been chatting with a girl from a dating site for lesbians and bisexual women. The conversations were going very well and we almost settled a date until she revealed that she has a boyfriend and she wanted me to be her girlfriend while at the same time she continues to be with her boyfriend. I know it's one of the bad reps that bisexuals have been getting, having a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. I've never given it a serious thought until now. Personally I was quite disgusted by the offer, I'd never share a partner with someone else, and sharing a girlfriend with another guy kind of makes it worse. What are you guys thoughts on this kind of relationship or have you been in a similar situation?

6th Sep 2011, 01:57 PM	#2
maverick let watchers become warriors Full Member Gender: You tell me. Orientation: Hey good lookin'. wink Out Status: It's pretty obvious. Location: Alabama cue banjos Age: 26 Posts: 2,118 Join Date: Nov 2010	Re: A strange offer I refuse to share. It's one of my few rules, but I know my own nature, and I am a jealous bastard when it comes to stuff like this. Flirt with whoever you want, dance with whoever you want, but the bed you better go home to is mine. I would never date someone who was dating someone else simultaneously, unless it was an ongoing menage a trois in which all three participants were emotionally involved together on a very deep level. __________________ Shelter me oh genius words, just give me strength / to pen these things, and give me peace to well her wings / and oh, oh carry on, all you minstrels of the world, we will catch our lady's ear, we will win for us the girl.

6th Sep 2011, 02:02 PM	#3
Daisy1 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girls Out Status: Pretty much out! Location: East Coast Age: 26 Posts: 307 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: A strange offer I agree with Maverick. Plus, joining late, you're sort of the third wheel. Maybe she just wants to live out a little lesbian fantasy and then go back to her bf.

6th Sep 2011, 02:06 PM	#4
Maddogling14 Newbie Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Some people Posts: 5 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: A strange offer I kind of agree on the menage a trois, but I don't know, I think with three people together there's always gonna be a third wheel. I'm just gonna stick with monogamy. @Daisy: True, since she told me that's she's never been with a woman before, so I figure I was just gonna be her plaything. And her boyfriend is totallyyy fine with this and excited to see his girlfriend get down on another woman, ugh! Last edited by Maddogling14; 6th Sep 2011 at 02:08 PM..

6th Sep 2011, 04:09 PM	#5
Shmoe Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Asexual, Romantic Out Status: Some people Age: 17 Posts: 229 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: A strange offer Polygamy is only good if all agree. Would you be secret lady friend of the night? Then fuck it. If the boy friend knows, Give it a little more thought. __________________ "This is not how it should be Man ought to be free That man should be me" - Ted Bundy

6th Sep 2011, 04:19 PM	#6
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: A strange offer I wouldn't have any issue befriending or going to bed once (maybe twice?) with somebody in a relationship, so long as their partner was aware and cool with it all. But an actual "relationship"? No. Lex

6th Sep 2011, 05:44 PM	#7
thecat06 EC's Biggest LNJF and SNL fan!! Full Member Gender: Let's say Pangender! Orientation: Let's say gay!! Out Status: Out to parents, campus, and 75 friends on facebook Location: Central and Northern Ohio Age: 19 Posts: 2,504 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: A strange offer I would not want to be in a relationship like that. It would just bother me that the other person did not know. __________________ So many years have passed, since I proclaimed my independence, my mission, my aim, and my vision, so secure, content to live each day like it's my last, it's wonderful to know, that I could be, something more than what I dreamed, far beyond what I could see -Dream Theater

6th Sep 2011, 06:48 PM	#8
Leif i carry your heart Full Member Gender: trans/FtM/genderqueer Orientation: pansexual Out Status: A few people Location: Middle of nowhere Australia Age: 22 Posts: 242 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: A strange offer I very much agree what is said above. Never get into a relationship if it sounds shady or you're uncomfortable with it. Saying that, I myself am most definitely on the polyamorous side. I am currently in a relationship with two people and love them both incredibly. It's not for everyone though, that's for sure. So just do what makes you happy an feels right. __________________ "We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams," -Ode, Aurthur O'Shaughnessy

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