The following post was originally posted in my blog, but soon afterward I realized that very few people would end up reading it, and I really want to know what others think about this. Also, I feel now that posting something of this nature in my blog is pretty cowardly, heh. Also, I had absolutely no idea where to post something like this, so I just chose chit chat...if there's a more appropriate spot for it, please feel free to move it, mods/admin!
Today's rant is a sex-related topic, where I discuss some of my personal sexual preferences, so feel free to pretend you didn't come here and press the back button on your browser if you'd rather not know. So, I have 5 hours to complete my work for the day and counting, and I can't quite concentrate on it, because a single thought keeps clouding my mind. I wanted to wait to find a way to post this more anonymously on the forum, but decided today that if I can't be honest with myself on EC, then what the hell is the point of even coming here? Anyway, so as long as I can remember, I've been into bondage. Yes, that bondage. S&M, BDSM, "kinky" sex, whatever you feel like calling it. No, I don't practice it, since it's either extremely difficult or potentially lethal to practice by yourself. No, I live out this preference through my fantasies...or someone else's. But what's bothered me for all these years is that society has a HUGE problem with bondage. It seems a little light bondage is okay, and can even "add fire" to a relationship, but there seems to be a blury line where "kinky" turns into "disturbing" in the eyes of society. Telling someone that you're into bondage is exactly like coming out to someone. I swear to you, it's exactly the same. Perhaps more difficult, as I've only managed to "come out" as a bondage enthusiast to one of my friends, whereas most of them know I'm bisexual. What's so wrong with it? Why does everyone seem to have such a big problem with this? Does it create the image that I'm some sort of rapist or slave driver, or that deep down I want to be? I can't see why else people would be so disturbed by my preference for bondage. It's just another way of conveying physical love. Why do we have to hide it? So why am I into bondage? Well, I could go into details, but in the interest of keeping this rant PG-rated, I'll keep them to a minimum. Essentially, it's the loss of control that I find appealing. I tend to be big on being in control of a situation in life. That, combined with me being a natural bottom in relation to (hypothetical) sexual activity (because I'm a virgin), makes the extreme loss of control associated with being a bottom in a bondage environment very appealing to me. I have a sadistic nature too, which most people who know me are unaware of. This allows me to better appreciate the actions of the "top" or dominant party in a bondage scenario, and would even allow for a reversal of roles, should I find a partner who, if they're also into bondage, doesn't want to be the dom all the time. And before I try to get back to work, the last thing that bothers me about society's views on bondage is, what if the partner I eventually do find isn't into bondage, or finds it offensive or disturbing? Just don't practice it with them? Yeah, that's what I'd have to do, but you must understand that most of my fantasies revolve around bondage. Not being able to express that while expressing physical love to a partner...that just seems more entrapping than being a bound bottom could ever be...and not in an appealing way, either! Ugh...that's the price I pay for being so counter-culture, I suppose.
Wow this is amazing to hear. I'm glad that you decided to post this here I think it really has a good message. It is hard to be a minority in a minority. I've actually been 'finding' myself recently in my sexual preferences and have looked into lots of different things in an attempt to see if it interest me. Some have surprisingly not been as horrible as I would have written them off as. I just see this as a step in the right direction, you really have to be proud and own all of your nuances however odd or quirky they might seem to others. If you have the idea that what you like is wrong, then others will pick that up, hopefully you can gain confidence in what you enjoy. But sadly, yes it is probably harder, statistically to find someone who will want to participate in ways that you both enjoy. Then again, I've always rather liked Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, 10 And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. 15 I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference
Don’t feel bad. There is quite a large BDSM group within the gay community. I’ll include myself, and fortunately, my boyfriend. We’ve talked about it in a vague way but have not experimented yet. The reason bondage is considered kinky is because it’s been kept in the closet by most people, as many fetishes are. There is also not a whole lot of research on the subject of dominance and submission but there are plenty of groups and web sites on BDSM. It’s also hard for some people to understand the difference between consensual BDSM that is fun for both partners and real kidnapping or abuse. By the number of fur-covered handcuffs I see in sex shops, it looks like they are a popular item in the straight community. We are not alone. Hope you find a partner with similar interests. :icon_bigg
i don't have a problem with bondage. i think everybody has "dark" desires or attractions towards "control" issues etc. some people choose to explore these issues, some prefer not to. i think the important thing would be to make sure both partners are sure they want it, have thought about whether it will really be healthy for them, and understand that it's an (albeit somewhat paradoxical) expression of love and healing and sharing, in the end. i have sometimes had BDSM-style desires, and i think most people do, if they're honest with themselves. i definately think it can be a good thing for people who want to do it. however, there is a lot of silence about it, because people are worried about crossing the line into abuse. meh. anyway, i hope you will one day find someone who understands you and wants to share this with you
i think the most confusng thing to me with my sexuality is when i have fantisies most of the time i'm a guy. but sometimes its not. but its always straight. (well i'm not a guy so its weird) so like i don't know what to think. I mean whatever can be fantisied i don't like guys! not just that i'd afraid and don't trust them (i don't count gay guys for sum reason) but i think they're bodies are disgusting. so why do i feel this way? no idea. i think it must just be that i don't know what i am thinking. i mean i'm always a guy in them. though i do think that s&m stuff looks hot in pics (i like goth girls what can i say?) but i still am at the stage where i think as well as sex looking hot i'm way too awkward and underconfidant to do anything. i heard this once "to have sex and not feel awkward the whole time you need to be happy and confident with your body." but anyway everyone has likes and dislikes. not everyone talked about it. most people don't go up to you and ask about your sex life. i don't think you should worry. its really not as big a deal as your making it sound. hmm... most of my fantisies are brutially murdering people at my school that i really hate. and also anyone who makes me mad. (but i doubt i'd ever act on them! too risky with the coppers!)
I believe that you will find a partner with shared interests.It took a lot of courage to post your fantasies.Very brave. Slightly off issue but similar is that CSI Las Vegas has a great story about a beautiful dominatrice who explains the ins and outs of bondage to Gill.
Sweet, someone else who's into bondage! Don't sweat it. I'm into a bunch of fetishes, bondage only being one of them.
Cool, someone with similar issues to me. I'm currently leading 3 lives, and they're bound to collide sooner or later. Life 1. The life of a young twenty something who does all the things a straight guy does. Life 2. The life of a young twenty something bisexual man (this only became knowledge to another person a few weeks ago) and all associated things. Life 3. The life of a young twenty something bondage/latex fetishist. Of which, only 2 people know I indulge. I think your right in that it's more socially acceptable to be gay/straight/bi than a fetishist. but isn't everyone to some degree, even if it's just a nurses/fireman's outfit??
Wow, thanks for your thoughts, guys! It's great to know that I'm not alone ^^ it is just so frustrating not being able to even talk about this, you know? I mean yeah, it's sex-talk, so it's not exactly something you would bring up at the dinner table, with somebody at a buss stop, etc. Still, being both bisexual (possibly gay) and into bondage just makes me feel...I dunno, like I should feel ashamed of myself or something. I actually read a how-to guide of how to introduce your partner to bondage, to see if they like it too, so finding someone who's also into it isn't really that big of a concern for me (though it would be frustrating if they just couldn't get into it). I just can't stand getting looks from people in adult entertainment stores when they see what I'm looking at!
