When did you realize you were a lesbian? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Daisy1 · 11th Sep 2011, 09:05 AM

There are a lot of threads asking when people figured out they were gay, so I thought I'd gather some numbers on the subject. For the sake of simplicity, this poll is meant to be for lesbians (otherwise there would be 15 categories).

Daisy1 · 11th Sep 2011, 09:48 AM

Also, how did you know?

For me, it's been more a piling up of little things.

Shevanel · 11th Sep 2011, 10:22 AM

I always knew I liked the ladies. I thought it was completely normal.

daedalus · 11th Sep 2011, 10:56 AM

At the risk of offending someone, I don't honestly believe someone could know they're gay before puberty. Looking back at certain things that may have indicated so as a younger child, yes. But saying "I knew I was gay when I was 5", I don't think so.

FloatingPiano · 11th Sep 2011, 11:36 AM

I knew when I was around the age of 13 or 14. I think there had been signs before that, but I really didn't acknowledge them at the time. I started questioning my sexuality because I started crushing on some of my friends (girls), and the fact that I wasn't getting any satisfaction from dating guys. I also was just in general more attracted to girls.

silverhalo · 11th Sep 2011, 11:48 AM

I first knew when I was about 26, when watching a programme on TV that had a lesbian couple in it, still took me a while to work it all out though.

DefineNormal · 11th Sep 2011, 11:54 AM

Ehm, well I started questioning when I was twelve, but only now I'm actually thinking about it seriously. And I doubt I'll actually accept it for a few years, but I think I know deep down that I wont end up with a guy :/

kiersten · 11th Sep 2011, 01:00 PM

For me, being transgendered, I've felt female pretty much my whole life, definitely knowing by the age of 10. I just assumed that since I was a girl, that I'd like boys when I was older & that everyone would thing I was a gay guy. Then puberty hit ( about a couple years later) & I was attracted to only girls, which just confused me even more since I thought that I was a gay guy who was a girl on the inside. It wasn't until high school that I started maybe thinking I was a lesbian, since it was just before high school that I had finally first heard the word lesbian & knew what it meant. But being me, it just freaked me out & drove me deeper into the closet & really deeply into denial. When I came out, I had already been sort of thinking of myself as being a lesbian, but it wasn't until I joined EC & talked with a couple of people before I officially recognized & identified myself as being one. To be honest, I still have a hard time saying I'm a lesbian, since how could I be with a male body? It's still confusing, frustrating and hard for me

, but at the same time, identifying as being a lesbian just feels 'right' to me. Sorry if this offends anyone, but honestly, I really do feel like one...

maverick · 11th Sep 2011, 02:01 PM

I realized I was transgendered when I was very young (five or so is around the first age I can recall having introspective thoughts related to gender dysphoria).

I didn't realize I was attracted to women until puberty. Probably around my first year of middle school I guess, about the time I learned that gays are a societal scapegoat.

placebo · 11th Sep 2011, 02:14 PM

I was around 24, I think, when I finally realized that I was a lesbian, although there were definitely signs before then. I used to think that I was "frigid" because I was never attracted to my boyfriends. Then I realized that wasn't the explanation. And then I looked back at my life and was like, "OHHHHHHH, that explains EVERYTHING!"

Daisy1 · 11th Sep 2011, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by placebo

I was around 24, I think, when I finally realized that I was a lesbian, although there were definitely signs before then. I used to think that I was "frigid" because I was never attracted to my boyfriends. Then I realized that wasn't the explanation. And then I looked back at my life and was like, "OHHHHHHH, that explains EVERYTHING!"

Hahaha. Also, welcome to EC!

midwestgirl89 · 11th Sep 2011, 09:40 PM

First of all, Daisy1 I love your picture. Santana is amazing. I love when she says "Only straight I am is straight up bitch." I am of Lebanese descent as well.

I realized when I was 17 because I fell in love with my best friend and I had never liked guys to the point of wanting to be with them.

HalfInsane · 11th Sep 2011, 10:59 PM

In grade 7 I always got really distracted by the one girl who was had an abnormally large chest for a 13 year old. I convinced myself it was because I was jealous haha.

Our grade 7 teacher actually had us write letters to ourselves that she mailed out once we'd graduated high school. I wrote in mine, and I quote, "I hope there will be more good looking guys in high school or something. Maybe I'm just weird or something but I don't like any of the guys but everyone else is all 'oohhhh boys.'" It was definitely a bizarre feeling reading that over after five years and seeing how obvious it was I was a lesbian back then even before I know it. I also learned from the remainder of the letter that if I were to ever meet my thirteen year old self, I'd find her extremely annoying.

**Maddy** · 12th Sep 2011, 12:06 AM

I knew when I was five that I wanted to marry a girl when I grew up. I figured out that "lesbian" was the best label for me when I was about 16.

RaeofLite · 12th Sep 2011, 12:11 AM

Well I never thought of marrying a guy when I was growing up. My mom asked me what my wedding dress would look like and what sort of boy I would be attracted to and I'd be like, "What? I have no clue!" I didn't want to tell her that I never would think I would be getting married. I also had close friendships with other females in elementary school and cried my eyes out when they moved away and such.

In high school, I hung out with a lot of guys. I felt comfortable with them but not around many other women. I always looked at the girls. At the time I thought it was because I wanted to be with them, but as time wore on I realized I wanted to be in the guy's position in movies and real life, kissing the girl. I had a horrible "reputation" for "leading guys on" and "teasing them" as some people my age said because I never did anything with them that the other girls did. I saw my first woman and woman kiss at a beach and something changed that day. I thought I was bisexual and struggled with that idea for awhile. Then the first time I was with a woman I knew I wasn't bisexual.

roboticemu · 14th Sep 2011, 11:12 PM

Looked at girls from the age of 11. Realized that I want relationships with girls and not guys during my junior yr. of highschool after attempting to date a guy.

Daisy1 · 15th Sep 2011, 04:52 AM

Well, I was feeling like it was quite late for me to be figuring all of this out, so I'm reassured by all the 20+ responses. It's also interesting what triggered people to realize.

MsShelf · 17th Sep 2011, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by placebo

I used to think that I was "frigid" because I was never attracted to my boyfriends. Then I realized that wasn't the explanation. And then I looked back at my life and was like, "OHHHHHHH, that explains EVERYTHING!"

Me too! When I was younger, I always thought it was weird how all the other girls my age were fawning over boys...I actually thought they were making it up or at least exaggerating because that's how girls on TV acted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HalfInsane

In grade 7 I always got really distracted by the one girl who was had an abnormally large chest for a 13 year old. I convinced myself it was because I was jealous haha.

I did this in 6th grade gym class...I didn't really convince myself I was jealous, though...I figured it was normal to be intrigued because I'd never seen anything like it. I only recently remembered it, and I was like, "Oh. Well, that makes more sense now."

Hazel · 17th Sep 2011, 03:54 PM

It took me half a dozen failed relationships with men - in and out of the bedroom - to stop calling myself bisexual. So, when I was 22. :P

View Poll Results: When did you realize you were a lesbian?
Always knew/early childhood	1	3.85%
Puberty	8	30.77%
Late teens	5	19.23%
Twenties or later	9	34.62%
Still not sure	3	11.54%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

11th Sep 2011, 09:05 AM	#1
Daisy1 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girls Out Status: Pretty much out! Location: East Coast Age: 26 Posts: 307 Join Date: Aug 2011	When did you realize you were a lesbian? There are a lot of threads asking when people figured out they were gay, so I thought I'd gather some numbers on the subject. For the sake of simplicity, this poll is meant to be for lesbians (otherwise there would be 15 categories).

11th Sep 2011, 09:48 AM	#2
Daisy1 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girls Out Status: Pretty much out! Location: East Coast Age: 26 Posts: 307 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? Also, how did you know? For me, it's been more a piling up of little things.

11th Sep 2011, 10:22 AM	#3
Shevanel One Is Light. One Is Dark. Full Member Gender: The Dude Orientation: Bi-Winning Out Status: Everybody and Your Mom. Location: Bolivar, Ohio (From NY though) Age: 21 Posts: 7,672 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? I always knew I liked the ladies. I thought it was completely normal. __________________ If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out... Be patient.

11th Sep 2011, 10:56 AM	#4
daedalus Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: out to anyone that cares to ask Location: New Chocolate Peppermint City Posts: 40 Join Date: May 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? At the risk of offending someone, I don't honestly believe someone could know they're gay before puberty. Looking back at certain things that may have indicated so as a younger child, yes. But saying "I knew I was gay when I was 5", I don't think so.

11th Sep 2011, 11:36 AM	#5
FloatingPiano Little Monster Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: I like girls. :) Out Status: Some people Location: Maryland Age: 17 Posts: 337 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? I knew when I was around the age of 13 or 14. I think there had been signs before that, but I really didn't acknowledge them at the time. I started questioning my sexuality because I started crushing on some of my friends (girls), and the fact that I wasn't getting any satisfaction from dating guys. I also was just in general more attracted to girls. __________________ "If you don't have any shadows, you're not standing in the light." ~Lady Gaga

11th Sep 2011, 11:48 AM	#6
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,161 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? I first knew when I was about 26, when watching a programme on TV that had a lesbian couple in it, still took me a while to work it all out though.

11th Sep 2011, 11:54 AM	#7
DefineNormal Average psychopath turned dinosaur Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: GAY! Out Status: PARENTS! Close friends Location: London Age: 15 Posts: 150 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? Ehm, well I started questioning when I was twelve, but only now I'm actually thinking about it seriously. And I doubt I'll actually accept it for a few years, but I think I know deep down that I wont end up with a guy :/ __________________ If Time and Space are Curved Where Do All the Straight People Come From? ...and the lesbians

11th Sep 2011, 01:00 PM	#8
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? For me, being transgendered, I've felt female pretty much my whole life, definitely knowing by the age of 10. I just assumed that since I was a girl, that I'd like boys when I was older & that everyone would thing I was a gay guy. Then puberty hit ( about a couple years later) & I was attracted to only girls, which just confused me even more since I thought that I was a gay guy who was a girl on the inside. It wasn't until high school that I started maybe thinking I was a lesbian, since it was just before high school that I had finally first heard the word lesbian & knew what it meant. But being me, it just freaked me out & drove me deeper into the closet & really deeply into denial. When I came out, I had already been sort of thinking of myself as being a lesbian, but it wasn't until I joined EC & talked with a couple of people before I officially recognized & identified myself as being one. To be honest, I still have a hard time saying I'm a lesbian, since how could I be with a male body? It's still confusing, frustrating and hard for me , but at the same time, identifying as being a lesbian just feels 'right' to me. Sorry if this offends anyone, but honestly, I really do feel like one... __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

11th Sep 2011, 02:01 PM	#9
maverick let watchers become warriors Full Member Gender: You tell me. Orientation: Hey good lookin'. wink Out Status: It's pretty obvious. Location: Alabama cue banjos Age: 26 Posts: 2,118 Join Date: Nov 2010	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? I realized I was transgendered when I was very young (five or so is around the first age I can recall having introspective thoughts related to gender dysphoria). I didn't realize I was attracted to women until puberty. Probably around my first year of middle school I guess, about the time I learned that gays are a societal scapegoat. __________________ Shelter me oh genius words, just give me strength / to pen these things, and give me peace to well her wings / and oh, oh carry on, all you minstrels of the world, we will catch our lady's ear, we will win for us the girl.

11th Sep 2011, 02:14 PM	#10
placebo Newbie Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Posts: 1 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? I was around 24, I think, when I finally realized that I was a lesbian, although there were definitely signs before then. I used to think that I was "frigid" because I was never attracted to my boyfriends. Then I realized that wasn't the explanation. And then I looked back at my life and was like, "OHHHHHHH, that explains EVERYTHING!"

11th Sep 2011, 09:40 PM	#12
midwestgirl89 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Interested in Women Out Status: Some people Age: 23 Posts: 559 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? First of all, Daisy1 I love your picture. Santana is amazing. I love when she says "Only straight I am is straight up bitch." I am of Lebanese descent as well. I realized when I was 17 because I fell in love with my best friend and I had never liked guys to the point of wanting to be with them.

11th Sep 2011, 10:59 PM	#13
HalfInsane EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Everyone Location: BC, Canada Age: 20 Posts: 400 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? In grade 7 I always got really distracted by the one girl who was had an abnormally large chest for a 13 year old. I convinced myself it was because I was jealous haha. Our grade 7 teacher actually had us write letters to ourselves that she mailed out once we'd graduated high school. I wrote in mine, and I quote, "I hope there will be more good looking guys in high school or something. Maybe I'm just weird or something but I don't like any of the guys but everyone else is all 'oohhhh boys.'" It was definitely a bizarre feeling reading that over after five years and seeing how obvious it was I was a lesbian back then even before I know it. I also learned from the remainder of the letter that if I were to ever meet my thirteen year old self, I'd find her extremely annoying.

12th Sep 2011, 12:06 AM	#14
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,704 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? I knew when I was five that I wanted to marry a girl when I grew up. I figured out that "lesbian" was the best label for me when I was about 16. __________________ how strange it is to be anything at all [Victor] 2:09 pm: and then halloween happened and I was outside in a skirt.

12th Sep 2011, 12:11 AM	#15
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,111 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? Well I never thought of marrying a guy when I was growing up. My mom asked me what my wedding dress would look like and what sort of boy I would be attracted to and I'd be like, "What? I have no clue!" I didn't want to tell her that I never would think I would be getting married. I also had close friendships with other females in elementary school and cried my eyes out when they moved away and such. In high school, I hung out with a lot of guys. I felt comfortable with them but not around many other women. I always looked at the girls. At the time I thought it was because I wanted to be with them, but as time wore on I realized I wanted to be in the guy's position in movies and real life, kissing the girl. I had a horrible "reputation" for "leading guys on" and "teasing them" as some people my age said because I never did anything with them that the other girls did. I saw my first woman and woman kiss at a beach and something changed that day. I thought I was bisexual and struggled with that idea for awhile. Then the first time I was with a woman I knew I wasn't bisexual. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

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14th Sep 2011, 11:12 PM	#16
roboticemu Member Regular Member Gender: More or Less Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Brother, Parents, Facebook Unnoticed, Most Friends Location: Seattle area Posts: 17 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? Looked at girls from the age of 11. Realized that I want relationships with girls and not guys during my junior yr. of highschool after attempting to date a guy.

15th Sep 2011, 04:52 AM	#17
Daisy1 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Girls Out Status: Pretty much out! Location: East Coast Age: 26 Posts: 307 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? Well, I was feeling like it was quite late for me to be figuring all of this out, so I'm reassured by all the 20+ responses. It's also interesting what triggered people to realize.

17th Sep 2011, 03:54 PM	#19
Hazel Switch to decaf? Never! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Kinsey 5 Out Status: A few people Location: Minnesota Age: 23 Posts: 129 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: When did you realize you were a lesbian? It took me half a dozen failed relationships with men - in and out of the bedroom - to stop calling myself bisexual. So, when I was 22. :P