for those not out, ever get uncomfortable when people talk about homosexuality

[needshelp]

back when i was in college, whenever there was a discussion involving homosexuality, i used to get freaked out. would get nervous like crazy. i would get really hot, sweaty, heart would race. i was trying to keep as calm as possible but i felt like my card was going to get pulled or my secret was going to be exposed. kind of like the scene in philadelphia where tom hanks characters was in the locker room with all those guys when they were making fun of gay people and he got scared.

[Allegro molto]

I'm not out yet, and I get extremely nervous when people around me are talking about it, especially my family members who are strongly opposed. I'm kinda scared that if I take a stand that I'll get outed and be hounded by my family constantly.

[needshelp]

Originally Posted by Allegro molto

I'm not out yet, and I get extremely nervous when people around me are talking about it, especially my family members who are strongly opposed. I'm kinda scared that if I take a stand that I'll get outed and be hounded by my family constantly.

yeah, exactly. it's like that feeling of guilt. things would be so much easier if this would wasn't so anti-gay.

[Raeil]

(Excuse my language for the first sentence, but I've never heard my head scream at me quite this loudly before)

Holy shit, yes! Before I came out, watching Glee with my uber-accepting friends was a challenge (ESPECIALLY DURING THE KLAINE KISS), not to mention when there was a homosexuality focused episode of Everybody Loves Raymond I was watching with my dad before I came out. There was constant nervousness that I'd cheer just a bit too loud, laugh just a bit too hard, say something with just a bit too much of an LGBT-supportive attitude, be upset just a bit too much at something which disparaged the LGBT community, etc. etc. etc.

There's two awesome pieces of good news though:
1) Once you're out, there's no longer that fear or nervousness. All the possibilities of people finding out and having bad/good reactions has gone, and you're left with the truth of whatever happened when you came out. It's extremely liberating!
2) The world is getting better about this. The reason it's easy to notice this uneasiness when others are talking about LGBT stuff is that there's more LGBT stuff going on, and the world in general is becoming more accepting of the community. We're just in the awkward transition phase where a significant amount of people still have problems with people being non-traditional sexual/gender identified, but when the issues of non-traditional sexual/gender identified individuals are constantly present. Eventually, this won't be nearly as big of a problem, thankfully!

[alex2020]

Originally Posted by Raeil

There was constant nervousness that I'd cheer just a bit too loud, laugh just a bit too hard, say something with just a bit too much of an LGBT-supportive attitude, be upset just a bit too much at something which disparaged the LGBT community, etc. etc. etc.

I couldn't agree more. I used to feel that way every time I would watch anything that had to do with LGBT stuff.

Like Raeil, good news is that when LGBT stuff comes on and I'm around the people I've come out to, I don't get nervous, anxious, or paranoid at all.

[PerfectInsanity]

I totally remember being afraid of being found out during conversations friends had about homosexuality, especially in junior high and high school. I usually just echoed whatever comments they made just so I'd fly under the radar and not raise any eyebrows. But then later in my undergrad when I was comfortable with my sexuality I felt compelled to speak my mind supporting gay rights and argued with my conservative friends about it. Also when I'd visit at home watching True Blood with my parents in recent years (before coming out) I made it a point of not showing any discomfort at the sex/making out scenes between LaFayette and Jesus while my mom sometimes looked away. I guess in my mind that was the precursor to my coming out, getting them used to the fact that I supported gay culture. It was definitely a lengthy process between my internalized homophobia and being accepting enough of myself that I started protesting comments of peers that denigrated who I knew myself to be. Hang in there!

[needshelp]

Originally Posted by Raeil

(Excuse my language for the first sentence, but I've never heard my head scream at me quite this loudly before)

Holy shit, yes! Before I came out, watching Glee with my uber-accepting friends was a challenge (ESPECIALLY DURING THE KLAINE KISS), not to mention when there was a homosexuality focused episode of Everybody Loves Raymond I was watching with my dad before I came out. There was constant nervousness that I'd cheer just a bit too loud, laugh just a bit too hard, say something with just a bit too much of an LGBT-supportive attitude, be upset just a bit too much at something which disparaged the LGBT community, etc. etc. etc.

There's two awesome pieces of good news though:
1) Once you're out, there's no longer that fear or nervousness. All the possibilities of people finding out and having bad/good reactions has gone, and you're left with the truth of whatever happened when you came out. It's extremely liberating!
2) The world is getting better about this. The reason it's easy to notice this uneasiness when others are talking about LGBT stuff is that there's more LGBT stuff going on, and the world in general is becoming more accepting of the community. We're just in the awkward transition phase where a significant amount of people still have problems with people being non-traditional sexual/gender identified, but when the issues of non-traditional sexual/gender identified individuals are constantly present. Eventually, this won't be nearly as big of a problem, thankfully!

the liberation. oh my god.

[Danny19]

yes i doo. i dont get like super nasty nervous. but i get really uncomfortable and i feel like whatever i do ima seem gay which is bad. lol

[Gay Boi]

I am not out but I don't feel uncomfortable when homosexuality comes up. I have accepted myself as homosexual in my early teens. I am not out for several reasons. I tend not to comment when homosexuality is the topic. It just makes me angry when people especially family makes prejudiced comments about homosexuality. I guess my change in mood "outs" me.

[kiersten]

For me, it depends on the tone of the conversation. If it's a lot of homophobic stuff people are spouting then yep, I get pretty nervous & I keep my mouth shut & either try & make it thru things or find an excuse to leave the group or individuals who are being ignorant. If the conversation is a bit more pleasant, informational or understanding, then I won't be nervous, and I'll even try to add to the conversation. There have been a fw recent incidences where I've even brought up the subject with a few people just to find out what kind of people I'm dealing & associating myself with, since I just started college a couple of weeks ago & I've been meeting new people a lot lately. So far I haven't encountered anyone homophobic, but sometimes you never know too. It's also kind of been helpful in trying to get a read on who might be able to handle things & who won't when I really start to come out more...

[Dominoflare]

Well i'm only out to a few people, but not any of my good friends (even though they're totally against homophobia and are really cool with lgbt)
anyways when they talk about anything relating to gay, bi etc i don't really get nervous, just kinda uncomfortable and silent.

[Just Passing]

I'm sort of out and not out at the same time, but I feel odd when the subject is brought up. I don't get nervous or stay silent, but I listen to what other people have to say about it and take it all in.

[PaintingSkies]

Not exactly, but I kind of want to just blurt it out. For example:
My dad is really against homosexuality. He calls them queers, laughs at them, etc. Whenever he does that I just want to say "Yeah? Well your daughter's bisexual. How does that feel?"

But of course, I don't.

[Mad Man L]

When I'm around my conservative grandmother (note that I've closeted myself to my entire family, and it'll stay that way for a while), she sometimes goes on about how she was proud of one of our Senators standing up against gay marriage and how gay people are so bad. I don't feel the urge to blurt it out or anything.

I don't find it awkward, I just put up with it. You see, I've lived a lie of innocence to my family for a while, so it's actually not that hard for me.

When I wasn't out, I didn't really find the topic being raised. But when I first came out, at first I was still quite insecure about gay sex. As in, I was yet to fully break down the heteronormative 'ewwwwww gay guys!!111!!! *puke*' barrier, so yeah, a few awkward moments when people asked me awkward sexual questions. I'd say its partly because I rushed a bit in coming out.

But generally, when topics on LGBT stuff come up, I generally don't find it awkward.

[DarkClarity]

Yes I do get uncomfortable. I'm not out at all and I fear if I say anything of show the slightest interest then people will work out that I'm in the closet. When the people involved in the coversation are saying hurtful things, it kills me on the inside but I try my best to either ignore them or find someway to remove myself from the situation. When it's just a general discussion about the LGBT I'm still uncomfortable but sometimes I'll join in. It depends on the people and the tone of the conversation. Most people I know see being LGBT as digusting or a bad thing.

I remember a few years ago in GCSE history we were having a class discussion about the Nazis and the teacher said that the Nazis killed gay people and one of the girls in my class said "Well, that's a good reason to die". The worst thing is I could tell that a few people in the class agreed with her even though they didn't say anything. This is one of the many reasons why I'm not out. I couldn't handle that level of irrational hate.

[emusan]

Originally Posted by DarkClarity

Yes I do get uncomfortable. I'm not out at all and I fear if I say anything of show the slightest interest then people will work out that I'm in the closet. When the people involved in the coversation are saying hurtful things, it kills me on the inside but I try my best to either ignore them or find someway to remove myself from the situation. When it's just a general discussion about the LGBT I'm still uncomfortable but sometimes I'll join in. It depends on the people and the tone of the conversation. Most people I know see being LGBT as digusting or a bad thing.

This is just like me, I have a few friends that are okay with LGBT and I have discussions with them about it, but none of them know that I'm actually bi and I'm always really careful to not say much of anything. When stuff that is anti-LGBT comes up I usually just find some really bad excuse to leave...

[RedState]

I must admit I do at times. I catch myself trying to gently change the subject when it comes up.

[mnguy]

If I hear negative stuff I try to push back on them with facts, but the problem is I hate confrontation and I get nervous by that and don't articulate my position well. Later I think oh I should have said this and that. If it's positive convo I can add to the convo and be pretty comfortable. I used to be more uneasy about it, fearing it would out me, but I figure people assume it about me by now, so as I've kept up to date on the issues I feel pretty confident in the information I have on GLBT topics.

[Undecided John]

It's not that I freak out, but makes feel a little bit weird, yes. Like I am lying, or hiding something, what always makes me feel awkward.
But with my friends and colleagues, most of the times, when something is said about gay people, it's always jokes, and I learned, with the time, that to argue with jokes just doesn't work, so, I just keep quiet.
But, it does bother me, now, way more than before I started to questioning my self. Like, when someone says, "Are you gay?" (as a joke, even an offense, sometimes), there's a tiny little part of me that wants to say "well, look ...". Or when someone starts to make homophobic jokes, or using gay as an offense, that also bothers me a lot, but I usually just try to change subject.
Anyway, yeh, it sucks.

[JudasKissedHIM]

Yeah it happened to me, which is why I never watched Will and Grace when I was younger. Uber uncomfy

Luckily there are loads of re-runs now