Questioning if you are trans?

I don't like these poll options.

I'm male, that's period. But yes, I did have to (briefly) question my gender as my sex is female.

I do not identify as trans*, though I'm not going to lie and tell people I'm biologically male if it comes up (and I feel a point to point out in safer spaces like this that this DOES exist and DOES happen that you can be technically trans and not ID as it)

 

I have (questioned), but I never really felt anything like I read other people describing here, like feeling on the wrong body, or don't liking my private parts. So I guess I just don't fit the normal stereotype of heterosexual men, and I have a feminine side a little more developed, but I guess this is all.

 

Agreed. When I was little, I was a tomboy and sort of wished I were male, but today I'm very happy being a woman (especially having boobs... boobs are awesome :icon_wink). I still feel like I have a bit of masculine energy, but it's definitely not enough to make me want to be a man.

 

Never have. I like being a guy, I think the only reason I'd want to become a girl is so I can get my straight crushes. :lol:

 

I've thought about gender but I don't know what it "Feels" like to be either. I don't think I have an issue, I like having a penis.

 

It's crossed my mind a few times because I come off as a tomboy or more butch, but I very quickly realized I am very much a female and happy in my body.

 

It's not something I've ever really given any thought. I'm quite happy and comfortable as a dude.

 

I wondered quite often when I was younger and the conditioned distinctions between the social notions of a man and a woman were stringently separate. It was when in my mind you could be either a man or a woman. And that came with the whole package- include the respectively accepted appearance...

But over the last couple of years I grew to understand that everything doesn't have to be black or white. Like today I don't identify as gay or transgender because I find myself somewhere in between the two: Like I know I'm physically a male. But mentally, I know I am a woman at heart. And in my head I feel that I don't need to physically alter my physical appearance to look more like a woman. I am happy with my body. In short I'm a chick with a dick! lol

And because of that appearance wise I dont even resort to any particularly male or female appearance. I may or may not crossdress. You can find me in a guy's tee and jeans, eye shadow and high heels. People call it androgynous. I call it ambiguous.

 

I am questioning my gender right now.I didnt start questioning it until recently because my friend "came out" of the closet,meaning he is transgender and it made me begin to wonder.Ive never thought about it when i was younger though really cuz i was never surrounded by it..I always was more masculine and went aroudn saying that I wished i was a boy..but ya im questioning it right now.its one of the hardest thigns ever to be confused about,atleast it is to me.Ik now that i dream about being a guy(physically)..i know i am mentally.i hate being physically a girl..it doesnt feel right,it feels weird.

 

I DESPISE a certain part of my body 'down there' & I've felt ever since the age of 8 that it should never have been there in the first place. I have even seriously thought about just mutilating myself in attempts to get my body to match the way I feel. And I really HATE that I have a flat chest too, I'm female, I know that now. I've actually felt just a bit more comfortable with myself now that I've come out, & especially now that I've moved out & am able to wear gender appropriate clothes for myself. I'm really hoping that I can start gender therapy at the beginning of October so I can start the process of getting my body to match the inside of me. I have good days & bad days like everybody else, but when I have bad days, I feel like I just want to die from shame & embarrasment that I have to go thru the motions yet again so that everyone else I know can be comfortable around me as being male. I went to my uncle's wedding just this past weekend, & I was uncomfortable the whole time having to wear dress pants & a golf shirt at the reception (it was worse at the ceremony, I had to wear a shirt & tie), instead of this wonderful dress I had seen at the mall a few days after I had gotten my invitation back in May. Every day when I get back from campus, I just can't get into my apartment fast enough to be able to change into something I feel more comfortable wearing & that reflects my gender correctly. I really thank God for my friends that I am out to tho, both of them had the best reaction I could have ever hoped for - I was immediately seen, viewed & treated as female & as just another one of their girlfriends. One is even taking me clothes shopping & both have flat out gotten excited about helping me thru my transition - both of them have said they plan to teach me everything about being female! But yes, I am not comfortable with my body at all. I've even starting taking positive steps towards my goal as well, with excerise, dieting & doing lots of research on what sorts of things can help and hinder my help as I go thru things! And of course, everyone here on EC has been just wonderful & supportive as well, so thank you sooo much everybody! (&&&)

 

<3 you Kiersten!

 

Thanks so much, hon. Loves ya too! (*hug*)

 

My gender hasn't ever really been in question for me, which I'm quite happy about. I had enough trouble coming to grips with loving members of my gender, and I know it would have been MUCH more difficult to come to terms with being female rather than male (or genderqueer rather than male). I sympathize (but sadly cannot empathize) with those in the LGBT community that fall under the "T", and I will fight for their rights just as much as I fight for my own, though.

 

- My cousin used to complain about being flat-chested during the same period that I was starting to develop breasts. I was horribly embarrassed by them and literally went around in middle and high school in giant tie-dye tee-shirts and sports bras to cover them up. I couldn't imagine why ANYONE would complain about being flat-chested, when it was all I wanted.

- My reaction to heterosexual situations with men has never been normal (my "normal" derived from hearing of others' experiences). The only comparison I can think of to my reactions in these situations is this - imagine one of your straightest male friends thrust - with great misgivings - into bed with another man, under the pretense that this is expected behavior of him. Imagine the levels of disinclination and discomfort he might feel if a stronger, more experienced man somehow got him into bed, and then coerced him into being a bottom. That's what straight sex feels like to me.

I didn't feel like a woman being taken advantage of though (I was the one who came onto this particular guy, you see) I felt like a straight guy "experimenting" with men, only the more gender-specific the pillowtalk was, the more turned-off I got by the whole situation, which was only marginally appealing to begin with.

The thing is, I have fooled around with gay guys too (as a top, not a bottom) and my physical/mental reaction is nothing like it is with straight men. I guess because in those situations I was the one running the show, whereas in straight sex I always feel like the conquest instead of the conquistador. :icon_wink I think my comfort in these situations derived from the fact that I was being treated in bed as a peer - a less-than-straight man, for better or worse - and not as a sexual object.

- I repressed a lot of my transgendered feelings until last year when I first started cross-dressing to try and relieve increasingly intense suicidal feelings/impulses to self-harm that I hadn't really felt since high school. I saw a documentary on transgenderism randomly and it brought up a lot of feelings in me that I hadn't processed in years. As a result, I ran a harmless experiment of picking up a few male outfits and trying them on to wear in the street. The sight of myself in the mirror brought back - in a FLOOD - a lot of repressed childhood memories of being "gender-socialized" against my true gender...my mom telling me I wasn't allowed to join the football team because everyone would think I was a dyke, constant arguments over wearing purses and makeup, having anxiety attacks and getting physically ill whenever my mom would drag me to the mall to dress me up in women's clothing (which, in her defense, is a perfectly normal mother/daughter activity that I should have enjoyed). One memory I can remember in particular is me just standing by my mom with tears streaming down my face while she thumbed through racks of clothing because I was so humiliated to be forced into the women's dressing room.

^ Straight up a case of repressed memory or psychogenic amnesia, in the scientific sense: http://faculty.washington.edu/eloftus/Articles/lof93.htm

Apparently I had been subconsciously blocking out most of my childhood, which is why I had (still have) almost no memories prior to high school, other than a few shocking memories [such as being bullied and getting in a locker room fight over it]. The few memories I do have of childhood are moments where I felt most poignantly "other" and disassociated from my peers.

I think that this mental "white-out" was probably one of the only things that kept me from killing myself during adolescence.

But last year, not only did I discover that dressing as my true gender alleviated almost all of these feelings as soon as I started doing it, the relief I felt was so great it drove me to take my entire women's wardrobe and donate it to Goodwill pretty much the next day. Chest-binding is even more effective as far as alleviating gender dysphoria goes, but I find it extremely uncomfortable and lately I've just been foregoing it and trying to get along with my tits, for better or worse.

And I haven't worn anything "girly" since.

^ This is where I'm at. I alternately identify as trans or lesbian because I find myself stuck between the two. It is just like there is a 180 switch-flip between my body and my brain. I just identify as a lesbian because a) people are so goddamned transphobic, and b) it is easier to explain my sexual attraction than my gender identity, because I say "butch lesbian" and people look and me and go, "Yeah, we believe you." Whereas if I said, "I am a boy," people would look at me like I'm a few crayons short of a full box.

 

I have questioned...and still questioning I guess?? I mean, I don't explicitly define myself as trans, but the feelings are there a lot of times, although I'm probably not going to transition...it's more internal and mental thing.
But yea, definitely, I feel like my life would have been easier if I was born girl...I just have too many feminine characteristics.
am I genderqueer? trans? just very feminine gay guy? whatever :dry:

 

I totally used to think I was trans. I even stayed up and prayed to be a girl. I think a lot of it comes from a desire to be perceived as feminine and a desire to have female friends and just sort of have a friend relation where I can sort of be "one of the girls," if that makes sense. If I could swap instantly for no real costs I'd do it in a heartbeat. Yet I don't really feel "uncomfortable" in my body so I can't say that I think I'm truly trans.

 

This is what I do now! Though I am (cyber) home-schooled, and only go in for band with friends (but there is a dress code :/), so little to no bullying. Kind of wish there was more I could do though. I can't stand being a girl.

 

I have thought about it briefly, but I am about 99% sure I'm cisgendered. Threre's a part of me that wishes I was born a girl, but I really, that's it.