I'm infatuated by a girl at my work. She's sweet, intelligent and comforting. I've wanted to hang out with her outside of work for so long. Today I finally mustered the courage to get her email (using a silly excuse that it was work-related). I asked her out for dinner or a coffee and she gave me her number =] I don't care if she's not into women, I just want to be closer to her in any way possible. I haven't been this happy in a long time!
Okay, it didn't exactly go as planned. She was really upset about something, though I have no idea what. She burst out crying while we were having lunch and I had no idea what to do. I hugged her for as long as possible, but I went and did the stupidest thing and tried to kiss her. There goes that dream =/
Well, not necessarily. Maybe she just needs some time to come to terms with how you feel about her. Was she polite when you tried to kiss her & just said no or did she freak? Maybe if she was polite & tactful it could mean that your timing was off about when you tried to kiss her but that she still wants to, at the very least, still be friends. I hope you're OK and that everything works out for you, hon... (*hug*)
She didn't really freak out, she just looked shocked and said she had to go. Work is going to be so awkward tomorrow =[
Well, you said she was upset when you tried to kiss her, so hopefully it was just bad timing & you can just give her some time. It probably will be a bit awkward, but then again, she did go to lunch with you, so that's a sign right there that she does like you as a friend, so maybe she just needs a bit of time & then you can go back to being friends. Then you might be able to sit down & try & explain how you feel. I know that it is hard for you to express yourself, but if she's still you're friend, I imagine she'll be patient with you! Good luck! I really do hope this works out! Just hang in there tomorrow at work & remember that all of us here on EC are here for you!
Bear in mind she might not take very well to anything beyond a hug, especially if she knows you're a lesbian. While it's not the same as gay guy-straight guy kind of thing, it's on a similar level. I hate to be the pessimist here, but you have to bear these things in mind.
Speaking as someone who is also naturally rather pessimistic by nature--and a very anxious/socially anxious/etc. person--if it's OK, I just want to backtrack a bit & say that no matter how things turned out, I'd suggest not forgetting to be very proud of yourself for having gotten the courage to ask for her e-mail & to ask her out in the first place. I know those steps can sometimes seem impossibly difficult for me, so I absolutely think it's something you deserve to be proud of having had the courage to do. No matter how this all turns out, I think those initial moves still count for *a lot* & are something worth feeling positive about yourself for having done. :eusa_danc (And as a fellow pessimist, I understand if this advice seems impossible as well. But I had to peek in to say that the first step was very awesome of you & counts for so much, even with any change in outcomes. And if that feeling of happiness has happened once recently now, perhaps it will happen again soon.)
Personally, I find it not a good idea to go out with someone who I am infatuated with, not knowing how they'd take it if they knew about said infatuation. It's not really fair to them, in my opinion. Nor is it really fair to the person with the infatuation. I'd be quite upset if I went out on a lunch with a female friend, and then she tried to kiss me. Even if it was a gesture of comfort, it'd freak me out a bit. And maybe she wasn't freaked out; it's possible it was just sudden and unexpected or she was just upset and didn't know how to deal. It's also quite possible that she's straight, and you freaked her out by inviting her out to what she thought was a friendly lunch only to have you try and kiss her. Just as it might freak her out if a male friend tried to kiss her at random. Unless you know she's bi or otherwise open to the advances of women, you might just have to prepare for the event that she's "guys only" and got wigged out. Which could have workplace troubles, if she's REALLY uncomfortable. Another thing to keep in mind is that regardless of whether or not someone is interested in you... some people don't like kissing on a first date, when they are aware that it's a date. Either way, good for you on getting the courage to talk to her. Just be careful. Good luck with the situation!
@Caroline - Thank you so much, I'm happy I mustered the courage too =] @seeksanctuary - When you put it like that it makes me feel like such n idiot and a freak. I'm very awkward, for obvious reasons, when in any social situation. I was just thinking how I'd like to be treated. It seems so idiotic now. She hasn't spoken to me at work, but she seems to be acting normal. Maybe staying alone is better for me, at least for now. As I said, despite this, I'm still happy I managed to do it in the first place.
