Victory! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Jazzmyn · 20th Sep 2011, 09:07 AM

I'm infatuated by a girl at my work. She's sweet, intelligent and comforting. I've wanted to hang out with her outside of work for so long. Today I finally mustered the courage to get her email (using a silly excuse that it was work-related). I asked her out for dinner or a coffee and she gave me her number =] I don't care if she's not into women, I just want to be closer to her in any way possible. I haven't been this happy in a long time!

**Chandra** · 20th Sep 2011, 02:53 PM

Well done!

kiersten · 20th Sep 2011, 02:58 PM

So happy for you! I hope that you guys have a great get together for coffee or whatever!

Sadepeura · 20th Sep 2011, 03:49 PM

That's really great! Enjoy your date (even if it's just a friends hanging out thing)!

Jazzmyn · 20th Sep 2011, 05:07 PM

Thanks guys! Off to meet her now, so nervous!

thecat06 · 20th Sep 2011, 08:03 PM

Congrats, I hope that it goes well for you!!

Jazzmyn · 21st Sep 2011, 05:13 PM

Okay, it didn't exactly go as planned. She was really upset about something, though I have no idea what. She burst out crying while we were having lunch and I had no idea what to do. I hugged her for as long as possible, but I went and did the stupidest thing and tried to kiss her. There goes that dream =/

kiersten · 21st Sep 2011, 05:30 PM

Well, not necessarily. Maybe she just needs some time to come to terms with how you feel about her. Was she polite when you tried to kiss her & just said no or did she freak? Maybe if she was polite & tactful it could mean that your timing was off about when you tried to kiss her but that she still wants to, at the very least, still be friends. I hope you're OK and that everything works out for you, hon...

Jazzmyn · 21st Sep 2011, 05:32 PM

She didn't really freak out, she just looked shocked and said she had to go. Work is going to be so awkward tomorrow =[

kiersten · 21st Sep 2011, 05:41 PM

Well, you said she was upset when you tried to kiss her, so hopefully it was just bad timing & you can just give her some time. It probably will be a bit awkward, but then again, she did go to lunch with you, so that's a sign right there that she does like you as a friend, so maybe she just needs a bit of time & then you can go back to being friends. Then you might be able to sit down & try & explain how you feel. I know that it is hard for you to express yourself, but if she's still you're friend, I imagine she'll be patient with you! Good luck! I really do hope this works out! Just hang in there tomorrow at work & remember that all of us here on EC are here for you!

Jazzmyn · 21st Sep 2011, 05:43 PM

Thank you Kiersten =]
I'll try and remain positive. I suppose it could have gone worse =p

Mad Man L · 21st Sep 2011, 10:11 PM

Bear in mind she might not take very well to anything beyond a hug, especially if she knows you're a lesbian. While it's not the same as gay guy-straight guy kind of thing, it's on a similar level.

I hate to be the pessimist here, but you have to bear these things in mind.

Jazzmyn · 22nd Sep 2011, 02:43 AM

It's okay, I'm pessimistic by nature anyway =p

CarolineBennett · 23rd Sep 2011, 07:34 PM

Speaking as someone who is also naturally rather pessimistic by nature--and a very anxious/socially anxious/etc. person--if it's OK, I just want to backtrack a bit & say that no matter how things turned out, I'd suggest not forgetting to be very proud of yourself for having gotten the courage to ask for her e-mail & to ask her out in the first place. I know those steps can sometimes seem impossibly difficult for me, so I absolutely think it's something you deserve to be proud of having had the courage to do. No matter how this all turns out, I think those initial moves still count for *a lot* & are something worth feeling positive about yourself for having done.

(And as a fellow pessimist, I understand if this advice seems impossible as well.

But I had to peek in to say that the first step was very awesome of you & counts for so much, even with any change in outcomes. And if that feeling of happiness has happened once recently now, perhaps it will happen again soon.)

seeksanctuary · 23rd Sep 2011, 08:05 PM

Personally, I find it not a good idea to go out with someone who I am infatuated with, not knowing how they'd take it if they knew about said infatuation. It's not really fair to them, in my opinion. Nor is it really fair to the person with the infatuation. I'd be quite upset if I went out on a lunch with a female friend, and then she tried to kiss me. Even if it was a gesture of comfort, it'd freak me out a bit.

And maybe she wasn't freaked out; it's possible it was just sudden and unexpected or she was just upset and didn't know how to deal. It's also quite possible that she's straight, and you freaked her out by inviting her out to what she thought was a friendly lunch only to have you try and kiss her. Just as it might freak her out if a male friend tried to kiss her at random. Unless you know she's bi or otherwise open to the advances of women, you might just have to prepare for the event that she's "guys only" and got wigged out. Which could have workplace troubles, if she's REALLY uncomfortable.

Another thing to keep in mind is that regardless of whether or not someone is interested in you... some people don't like kissing on a first date, when they are aware that it's a date.

Either way, good for you on getting the courage to talk to her. Just be careful.

Good luck with the situation!

Jazzmyn · 24th Sep 2011, 12:40 AM

@Caroline - Thank you so much, I'm happy I mustered the courage too =]

@seeksanctuary - When you put it like that it makes me feel like such n idiot and a freak. I'm very awkward, for obvious reasons, when in any social situation. I was just thinking how I'd like to be treated. It seems so idiotic now. She hasn't spoken to me at work, but she seems to be acting normal. Maybe staying alone is better for me, at least for now. As I said, despite this, I'm still happy I managed to do it in the first place.

20th Sep 2011, 09:07 AM	#1
Jazzmyn Oh, herro! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: Adelaide Age: 17 Posts: 206 Join Date: Sep 2011	Victory! I'm infatuated by a girl at my work. She's sweet, intelligent and comforting. I've wanted to hang out with her outside of work for so long. Today I finally mustered the courage to get her email (using a silly excuse that it was work-related). I asked her out for dinner or a coffee and she gave me her number =] I don't care if she's not into women, I just want to be closer to her in any way possible. I haven't been this happy in a long time!

20th Sep 2011, 02:53 PM	#2
Chandra Empty Closets Advisor EC Advisor Gender: Female Orientation: somewhere over the rainbow Out Status: Out to most people Posts: 782 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: Victory! Well done!

20th Sep 2011, 02:58 PM	#3
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Victory! So happy for you! I hope that you guys have a great get together for coffee or whatever! __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

20th Sep 2011, 03:49 PM	#4
Sadepeura Bow ties are cool. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual lesbian in a heterosexual relationship Out Status: Most people Location: Scotland Age: 22 Posts: 343 Join Date: Apr 2011	Re: Victory! That's really great! Enjoy your date (even if it's just a friends hanging out thing)! __________________ "What’s the worst that could happen?" "You could get torn to pieces by a monster you can’t see." - Amy Pond

20th Sep 2011, 05:07 PM	#5
Jazzmyn Oh, herro! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: Adelaide Age: 17 Posts: 206 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! Thanks guys! Off to meet her now, so nervous!

20th Sep 2011, 08:03 PM	#6
thecat06 EC's Biggest LNJF and SNL fan!! Full Member Gender: Let's say Pangender! Orientation: Let's say gay!! Out Status: Out to parents, campus, and 75 friends on facebook Location: Central and Northern Ohio Age: 19 Posts: 2,504 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Victory! Congrats, I hope that it goes well for you!! __________________ So many years have passed, since I proclaimed my independence, my mission, my aim, and my vision, so secure, content to live each day like it's my last, it's wonderful to know, that I could be, something more than what I dreamed, far beyond what I could see -Dream Theater

21st Sep 2011, 05:13 PM	#7
Jazzmyn Oh, herro! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: Adelaide Age: 17 Posts: 206 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! Okay, it didn't exactly go as planned. She was really upset about something, though I have no idea what. She burst out crying while we were having lunch and I had no idea what to do. I hugged her for as long as possible, but I went and did the stupidest thing and tried to kiss her. There goes that dream =/

21st Sep 2011, 05:30 PM	#8
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Victory! Well, not necessarily. Maybe she just needs some time to come to terms with how you feel about her. Was she polite when you tried to kiss her & just said no or did she freak? Maybe if she was polite & tactful it could mean that your timing was off about when you tried to kiss her but that she still wants to, at the very least, still be friends. I hope you're OK and that everything works out for you, hon... __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

21st Sep 2011, 05:32 PM	#9
Jazzmyn Oh, herro! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: Adelaide Age: 17 Posts: 206 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! She didn't really freak out, she just looked shocked and said she had to go. Work is going to be so awkward tomorrow =[

21st Sep 2011, 05:41 PM	#10
kiersten KierstenChromium, Mistress Of Metal Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to 127 people & my parents & 1 cousin so far Location: Sarnia, ON Posts: 1,331 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Victory! Well, you said she was upset when you tried to kiss her, so hopefully it was just bad timing & you can just give her some time. It probably will be a bit awkward, but then again, she did go to lunch with you, so that's a sign right there that she does like you as a friend, so maybe she just needs a bit of time & then you can go back to being friends. Then you might be able to sit down & try & explain how you feel. I know that it is hard for you to express yourself, but if she's still you're friend, I imagine she'll be patient with you! Good luck! I really do hope this works out! Just hang in there tomorrow at work & remember that all of us here on EC are here for you! __________________ Penny: What's Sheldon's deal? Leonard: What do you mean "deal"? Penny : You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls? Guys? Sock puppets? Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.

21st Sep 2011, 05:43 PM	#11
Jazzmyn Oh, herro! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: Adelaide Age: 17 Posts: 206 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! Thank you Kiersten =] I'll try and remain positive. I suppose it could have gone worse =p

21st Sep 2011, 10:11 PM	#12
Mad Man L EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Brisbane, Australia Age: 16 Posts: 1,244 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Victory! Bear in mind she might not take very well to anything beyond a hug, especially if she knows you're a lesbian. While it's not the same as gay guy-straight guy kind of thing, it's on a similar level. I hate to be the pessimist here, but you have to bear these things in mind. __________________ I really should get a proper signature...

22nd Sep 2011, 02:43 AM	#13
Jazzmyn Oh, herro! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: Adelaide Age: 17 Posts: 206 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! It's okay, I'm pessimistic by nature anyway =p

23rd Sep 2011, 07:34 PM	#14
CarolineBennett Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual/Queer/Bi Out Status: Some friends, most acquaintances, 2 family members Location: USA Posts: 24 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! Speaking as someone who is also naturally rather pessimistic by nature--and a very anxious/socially anxious/etc. person--if it's OK, I just want to backtrack a bit & say that no matter how things turned out, I'd suggest not forgetting to be very proud of yourself for having gotten the courage to ask for her e-mail & to ask her out in the first place. I know those steps can sometimes seem impossibly difficult for me, so I absolutely think it's something you deserve to be proud of having had the courage to do. No matter how this all turns out, I think those initial moves still count for a lot & are something worth feeling positive about yourself for having done. (And as a fellow pessimist, I understand if this advice seems impossible as well. But I had to peek in to say that the first step was very awesome of you & counts for so much, even with any change in outcomes. And if that feeling of happiness has happened once recently now, perhaps it will happen again soon.)

23rd Sep 2011, 08:05 PM	#15
seeksanctuary Weary Traveller Full Member Gender: Transgender - FtM Orientation: Gay Out Status: Pretty much everyone that matters. Location: USA Age: 24 Posts: 402 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! Personally, I find it not a good idea to go out with someone who I am infatuated with, not knowing how they'd take it if they knew about said infatuation. It's not really fair to them, in my opinion. Nor is it really fair to the person with the infatuation. I'd be quite upset if I went out on a lunch with a female friend, and then she tried to kiss me. Even if it was a gesture of comfort, it'd freak me out a bit. And maybe she wasn't freaked out; it's possible it was just sudden and unexpected or she was just upset and didn't know how to deal. It's also quite possible that she's straight, and you freaked her out by inviting her out to what she thought was a friendly lunch only to have you try and kiss her. Just as it might freak her out if a male friend tried to kiss her at random. Unless you know she's bi or otherwise open to the advances of women, you might just have to prepare for the event that she's "guys only" and got wigged out. Which could have workplace troubles, if she's REALLY uncomfortable. Another thing to keep in mind is that regardless of whether or not someone is interested in you... some people don't like kissing on a first date, when they are aware that it's a date. Either way, good for you on getting the courage to talk to her. Just be careful. Good luck with the situation!

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24th Sep 2011, 12:40 AM	#16
Jazzmyn Oh, herro! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A few people Location: Adelaide Age: 17 Posts: 206 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Victory! @Caroline - Thank you so much, I'm happy I mustered the courage too =] @seeksanctuary - When you put it like that it makes me feel like such n idiot and a freak. I'm very awkward, for obvious reasons, when in any social situation. I was just thinking how I'd like to be treated. It seems so idiotic now. She hasn't spoken to me at work, but she seems to be acting normal. Maybe staying alone is better for me, at least for now. As I said, despite this, I'm still happy I managed to do it in the first place.