the term "partner"

[elohim2010]

Has anyone noticed gay-friendly heterosexual couples describing their significant other as their "partner" more frequently? Twice in the past week, this has happened in conversations I have had with two straight people. The first was with a supportive female friend of my partner and me. She told us that she has been dating someone since summer began and referred to the individual as her "partner." The second individual was a person from church with whom I engaged in casual conversation. I am not out to him (I have to be very careful in church, unfortunately, as I got the boot from my previous church) and only engaged in very casual conversation with him. My partner was with me and I think he picked up that we were a couple. In the group discussion early in the evening, he mentioned his home life and said his "wife", whereas later on and one-on-one with me and my partner, he said his "partner." Was he just trying to make me more comfortable OR say that he's safe to talk to and that we don't have to hide OR is he just a really cool accepting straight guy who is leveling the playing field and promoting equality OR all of the above? Thanks for any thoughts on this as it runs through my mind before sleeping.

[Kidd]

I don't think they meant anything by it. "Partner" has sort of been picked up by mainstream society. Personally, I hate that word. It makes me think of business partners or cowboys for some reason. It doesn't make me think of a loving relationship.

[Enaithor]

I find that most people who use the word partner are those who have been together for a long time but not engaged/married. I know someone that has been with her partner for like 10 years but both of them can't be bothered to get married or something lol

[Brad]

My oldest sister (early 30's) after her divorce when she eventually started dating again both her and her boyfriend felt that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend seemed too teenage so they referred to each other as their partner.

I myself feel that the word partner when used in this context refers to people further into their relationships. If you have been together for awhile without getting engaged/married referring to them as your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't sound as it is as serious compared to if you were to refer to them as your partner.


I've never had the experience of people changing their wording from boyfriend/girlfriend to partner just because they are talking to someone who is gay.

[maverick]

I always liked the term "lover".

It leaves absolutely no doubt as to the nature of your relationship (whereas with women, "girlfriend" is always ambiguous) and it signifies that you're not embarrassed to be known to be in a romantic relationship with that person.

[Bosco]

I don't really like the term partner (be it for hetero or homosexual relationships) because I feel like it's too disconnected and not intimate enough.

I have my lab partner, and my partners for business, but when I'm referring to the person who I love and offer my world to, I prefer something a little more personal and endearing.

[Super Trouper]

Originally Posted by maverick

I always liked the term "lover".

Yeah, me too. It's so intimate.

[Chandra]

I live in B.C. where straight people have been using the term "partner" with each other since the dawn of time.

[CarolineBennett]

elohim2010, I think in the situation you were describing, each possibility is probably equally likely (as is all of the above). At the very least, although I know I'm on the outside looking in without the details, it seems as if there was absolutely nothing negative meant by it... it was either meant in a supportive-type way (in the ways you described) or in a neutral way (as others have mentioned, with the word "partner" becoming more "mainstream" and used by any/everyone in relationships.)

I have to third maverick and Ace of Base, in that "lover" is the term I find the most natural to use, in circumstances when I know it's safe to do so (like when I'm out to everyone there). Plus, like both maverick & Ace of Base said, I just like the word & that it's so intimate.

I think when it comes to giving a term or a label on a relationship, sometimes it can be as confusing or as difficult--or almost as difficult & confusing--as finding a label for sexuality, gender identity, etc in certain cases. What I've found interesting is that in different relationships in my life, different relationship terms seemed to fit perfectly--be it lover, partner, girlfriend, what have you... it can be a bit fun to discover how many terms or labels can end up applying or being the perfect fit.

Regarding the original question, I have always seen hetero-normative couples using the term "partner"--at least to some degree--throughout the years, but I do think it has become more mainstream over the last handful of years &/or since more people have become straight allies, etc, especially with the gay marriage debates. While there are times where I don't like the term in general, I've never seen a hetero-normative couple use it in a negative way or as a way to make me/others uncomfortable, at least in my experiences.

I hope this ramble was somewhat coherent!

[Messed Up]

I absolutely loathe the term.

If I have a boyfriend, I have a BOYFRIEND, not a partner. If I have a girlfriend, I have a GIRLFRIEND, not a partner, etc.

[Jonathan]

I dislike the term "partner".

I don't know why...it's just the way it sounds. If I have a boyfriend, then I'm going to call him my boyfriend lol

[Messed Up]

Originally Posted by Muzzy

I dislike the term "partner".

I don't know why...it's just the way it sounds. If I have a boyfriend, then I'm going to call him my boyfriend lol

Amen

[Just Passing]

I don't know if I like partner or not. It's ambiguous, but at the same time strange sounding. I know people who use it though and it's fine with me when they use it.

Yes I have noticed this among some circles. I personally don't care for that term. It sounds too impersonal for my liking. I prefer to call my S.O. my girlfriend and when I find the person I want to spend the "rest of my life" with I will refer to her as my wife. I know those terms were created by and for heteronormative culture but I prefer them to "partner".

[otc877]

My human sexuality teacher refers to her long-time boyfriend as her partner every once in a while.

But, she also makes it a habit to say things like "All of the heterosexual men in the room will love this." instead of "All of the men will love this."

She's very conscientious of the gays in her class.

[Dragonfyre173]

I don't really like the term partner; as others have said, it feels too non-romantic, and I've never heard one of my gay friends say it. Only straight people trying to be 'politically correct'. If someone loves someone, they're lovers. Partners is just... I don't know, I just don't like it.

[Flyers2011]

I've always used girlfriend. I dislike partner, around here people are like, "Did you see [insert name here] with their *whispered* partner?!" Basically people use it as a way to refer to gay people. And it sounds old and stuffy. It's not like we have rights in my state anyways.

[rocking23]

I have a pin on my backpack that said "Unlearn Homophobia" (it has since fallen off and I'm very sad) and one day I was walking to class talking to my professor, who probably saw the pin, and throughout the conversation he mentioned his partner, he said partner, but during class he said girlfriend.

I feel like straight couples say partner to be politically correct. When I'm dating someone or married, I will say boyfriend and husband, because that's what we are.

[Zontar]

"This is my partner..."

UGH!

No, he's my boyfriend.

Partners are people you start businesses with.

[ukeye]

Reminds me of that awkward scene in American Beauty when the two gay neighbours introduce themselves to the army jerk as "Partners". He gives a cockeye and goes 'So what're you selling?"