feeling more comfortable having friends of the same sex than the opposite sex.

[needshelp]

don't ask me why but besides my mom and a few friend friends, acqaintences here and there, i don't have much female friends. i don't know why. it's hard to explain. i've been usually shy around girls my age because i feel that i can't talk to them without it coming off like i want to get into their pants or them making me feel that way. i remember back in high school, i had one female friend that i talked to. we were cool as hell. we had class together, we were real close but i only wanted to be her friend. i felt that the people around me and even her, it felt like i was being pressured and pushed to being her boyfriend when i didn't want to be. i wasn't attracted to her nor did i like her like that. i liked her only as a friend. whenever i would complain about not getting any girls to my brother and my friends, my brother would bring her up and tell me why i didn't ask her to be my girlfriend. i end up feeling a bit worried that they might get suspicious and think that i probably don't like girls being that i had so much opportunities to get laid and have girlfriends but i didn't use those opportunities as a typical straight guy would. i feel much more comfortable talking with older women because we can talk to each other about things without it coming off like i'm trying to get with them. with friends of the same sex, we can talk about whatever and be all cool. no, i don't have any crushes on any of my friends nor do i like them like that.


it would be really nice to have a female friend my age even though it would feel really awkward.

[Mad Man L]

It could just be something you're making in your head. I know that with my "female friends" they know that I'm not going to try and hit on them. I like to tell all my friends (male and female) that just because I'm bi, it doesn't mean every word I speak to someone is an attempt at getting in their pants.

But don't feel like just because you're questioning (i.e. either bi or gay probably) that you need to have some "female friends" or that you need to become a girl's "pet homosexual". Just be yourself.

[needshelp]

Originally Posted by The Lewder

It could just be something you're making in your head. I know that with my "female friends" they know that I'm not going to try and hit on them. I like to tell all my friends (male and female) that just because I'm bi, it doesn't mean every word I speak to someone is an attempt at getting in their pants.

But don't feel like just because you're questioning (i.e. either bi or gay probably) that you need to have some "female friends" or that you need to become a girl's "pet homosexual". Just be yourself.

well, actually it's not. some of these women think that every guy that tries to have a simple conversation with them wants to have sex with them or wants to be with them. i don't get it. maybe because i act masculine or whatever, it comes across like that when i don't mean to. i really don't care to talk to women anyway because we don't have anything to talk about. don't know what to say to them and honestly, i have nothing to say to them. however, when i do have something to say to them, it's usually really friendly like. i remember talking to this girl that worked at the ice cream store over the summer and one of my guy friends was there with me. her and me were just talking and really getting deep with the convo. i decided to end the convo and leave. my friend thought that i was trying to get her number so i can get with her when i just wanted to talk. it's hard to find a women my age that just wants to be a friend and for that matter, doesn't bring up sex or relationships. i don't even bring it up but these women seem to want bring it up even when i don't want to go there with them.

[djt820]

Females can be interesting. Myself, I have very few female friends because it seems I don't get along with a lot of them. That's just my own personal experience so far and that's fine. If you have more male friends, then it's fine. You don't have to live up to the stereotype of a gay guy and have a bunch of female friends.

[kiersten]

For me, almost all of my friends are female and this has been the norm for me my entire life. I don't HATE guys to the point where I can't stand being around them, I just don't feel comfortable hanging out with them. As far as I'm concerned now, I associate mostly with friends of the same-sex. I am female, and I prefer to spend my time socializing with other women. I just feel more comfortable & at ease, and I can express my emotions freely like I've always felt like I should be able to, without being pegged as being gay. I am gay, just not the way homophobic guys would think I'm gay. That's just me tho...

[Mad Man L]

Originally Posted by needshelp

well, actually it's not. some of these women think that every guy that tries to have a simple conversation with them wants to have sex with them or wants to be with them. i don't get it. maybe because i act masculine or whatever, it comes across like that when i don't mean to. i really don't care to talk to women anyway because we don't have anything to talk about. don't know what to say to them and honestly, i have nothing to say to them. however, when i do have something to say to them, it's usually really friendly like. i remember talking to this girl that worked at the ice cream store over the summer and one of my guy friends was there with me. her and me were just talking and really getting deep with the convo. i decided to end the convo and leave. my friend thought that i was trying to get her number so i can get with her when i just wanted to talk. it's hard to find a women my age that just wants to be a friend and for that matter, doesn't bring up sex or relationships. i don't even bring it up but these women seem to want bring it up even when i don't want to go there with them.

Firstly, apologies for any offense from this statement, but if they think every advance a guy makes on them is for sex, they're obviously pretentious bitches. I'm sorry, but by that mentality, I'm a huge slut.

Also: Inevitably, women will bring up topics like that because they're topics which they find interesting. They're not going to bring up politics, what was on the news last night or the new train timetable. But I'd say it is partly to do with your appearance. I don't have a huge problem because I'm not that masculine.

But out of interest, how old are you?

[needshelp]

Originally Posted by djt820

Females can be interesting. Myself, I have very few female friends because it seems I don't get along with a lot of them. That's just my own personal experience so far and that's fine. If you have more male friends, then it's fine. You don't have to live up to the stereotype of a gay guy and have a bunch of female friends.

now that you mentioned it. does the gay community accept masculine gay guys? judging by how some gay guys have acted around me prior to coming to this site, i have the feeling that i would probably get violated and harassed with the quickness at a gay bar.

[alex2020]

On a whole, I have more guy friends than girl friends. However, one of my two closest friends is a girl.

I feel equally comfortable around either sex. However, the only bad thing with hanging around with girls is that I get the inevitable questions/pressure from my roommates about trying to date/hookup with them. I'm not out to them, so they don't realize that's not my intention nor want. Also, sometimes girls try to hit on me and go out with me, since they don't realize (I don't get picked up on gaydar, ever).

[djt820]

Originally Posted by needshelp

now that you mentioned it. does the gay community accept masculine gay guys? judging by how some gay guys have acted around me prior to coming to this site, i have the feeling that i would probably get violated and harassed with the quickness at a gay bar.

Are you saying you got harassed because you're more masculine? Correct me if I'm wrong here.

Let me say it simply, it does NOT matter how or who you are. Being gay (or whatever sexual orientation you are) is just your sexual orientation; not your way of life. You can act, dress, and be friends with who ever you want to be. If people judge you because of that, even if they're gay themselves, they're assholes.

[needshelp]

Originally Posted by The Lewder

Firstly, apologies for any offense from this statement, but if they think every advance a guy makes on them is for sex, they're obviously pretentious bitches. I'm sorry, but by that mentality, I'm a huge slut.

Also: Inevitably, women will bring up topics like that because they're topics which they find interesting. They're not going to bring up politics, what was on the news last night or the new train timetable. But I'd say it is partly to do with your appearance. I don't have a huge problem because I'm not that masculine.

But out of interest, how old are you?

i'm 24 years old turning 25 in some days. no offense was token by what you said. i agree with what you said about them being pretentious bitches. that's the reason why i don't even bother try to start a conversation with them because they have to put every man in the whole "is he a potential boyfriend" category.

now that i think of it. this one person that i'm cool with, she's around my age. we're net buddies so we decided to meet up in real life to meet. we were friends and i wasn't interested in having her be more than that. didn't want to have sex with her, kiss her or any of that. she knew that i was a virgin and had no experience with anybody, etc. we decided to hang out one day around some amusement park where we talk, chatted about our lives and whatever. i felt like she was kind of making it out to be a date of some sort when we were just having a meet because she kind of acted strange in a certain way. i already felt uncomfortable doing the whole thing to begin with. next thing i know after our meet up was over, she was sending me text messages that seemed to hint that she wanted to get with me when i didn't want any of that.

i just think that it's weird that i can't talk to a woman my age without them trying to make it out to be me chasing them or sending me signs like i want to get in them when i don't want to.

another thing that i hate that women bring up. asking me if i have a girlfriend like another person i know or anything pertaining to that. another time, the same person asked if i was gay and believe me, that question threw me off guard because i was and still am questioning my sexuality. i was hoping that she didn't notice how i was going like while i told her no and she didn't catch it i guess. her and her friend.

---------- Post added 22nd Sep 2011 at 10:55 PM ----------

Originally Posted by djt820

Are you saying you got harassed because you're more masculine? Correct me if I'm wrong here.

Let me say it simply, it does NOT matter how or who you are. Being gay (or whatever sexual orientation you are) is just your sexual orientation; not your way of life. You can act, dress, and be friends with who ever you want to be. If people judge you because of that, even if they're gay themselves, they're assholes.

no, i didn't mean it like that. what i meant is that if i went to a gay bar as myself with how i act, the guys in there would probably set their sights all over me. i guess their gaydars would go off and i would be prey where i'd have all these guys trying to make moves on me and etc. this has happened to me a bunch of times with gay guys that have targeted me. it just happens. i remember one time i was walking home from college two years ago and some guy drove past me looking at me. i didn't get a clear look at who he was but i kept on moving. about 2 minutes later as i was walking further down the block, he stops his car right across the street and honks at me. i walk over to the car thinking it was somebody i knew because he did look familiar only for it to be to realize that it was a total stranger. i was scared. then he asks me "hey, i noticed you walking home and i like your style." then he said something, i forgot how he said it but it was pretty much "let me take you to my place so i can have sex with you". i was like "no, i don't get down like that. sorry". once again, i was lying through my teeth because i was unsure about myself and i damn sure wouldn't have slept with him anyway. he was a stranger and he wasn't my type.

as a guy that is questioning himself, i feel that gaydar is not my friend.

[djt820]

Uhm, gaydar is just some wishy-washy term for someone who looks stereotypically gay. I honestly don't know if you fit the description obviously but even if you do, it doesn't really matter. From all I can tell, you've just had experiences where guys find you attractive, which happens to everyone. You aren't "prey". It's just our species' mating mechanism at work. No need to be alarmed.

[needshelp]

Originally Posted by djt820

Uhm, gaydar is just some wishy-washy term for someone who looks stereotypically gay. I honestly don't know if you fit the description obviously but even if you do, it doesn't really matter. From all I can tell, you've just had experiences where guys find you attractive, which happens to everyone. You aren't "prey". It's just our species' mating mechanism at work. No need to be alarmed.

well, i don't know about that, man. i'm convinced that gaydar is real because why would these guys even try to hit on me if they didn't have a sense that i probably had a thing for guys even though i refused to acknowledge that side of me at the time. i know that this won't be the last time that this will happen because last month, it happened at my job. i figured that me coming to terms with this would help get other guy's gaydar off me or at least, i hope.

[djt820]

Because there's absolutely no scientific evidence proving this so-called "Gay-dar" to exist. It's just a judgement mechanism the gay community has. There's certain stereotypes that the gay community has and if people see those characteristics, their "gay-day" goes off but that doesn't necessarily mean they're gay.

It's just people assuming things, really.

[needshelp]

Originally Posted by djt820

Because there's absolutely no scientific evidence proving this so-called "Gay-dar" to exist. It's just a judgement mechanism the gay community has. There's certain stereotypes that the gay community has and if people see those characteristics, their "gay-day" goes off but that doesn't necessarily mean they're gay.

It's just people assuming things, really.

i agree but i have to admit, there are some guys outthere that are gay and you can just tell that they are by observing them and how they act. for example, kurt cobain. i don't care what anybody says. that guy was gay but he didn't have the balls to admit it he was. maybe that's why him and michael stripe met up before he died.

there's some other people that i think are gay too like andrew from mgmt but i'm not going to get into that.

[djt820]

I don't even know how to respond to that, so I'll just leave it at that.