getting paranoid about HIV/AIDS.

[needshelp]

anybody here a bit worried. you know people LIE about their status. i damn sure don't want to catch that shit.

[Chip]

Yes, people lie about their status all the time, and I have a friend who was infected by someone who convinced him to bareback promising he was "clean". My friend found HIV meds in the guy's bathroom the next morning, and the guy claimed it was a "preventative" and still lied his ass off. Long story short, he had been tested before being with this guy, had not been with anyone else, and tested positive, so it was pretty certain the guy was responsible. And this isn't the only such story I personally know of like that.

So there's a simple solution: Always play safe.

Back in the 80s, when HIV was closer to a definite death sentence, the mantra was to always assume that everyone you are having sex with is HIV+. Wear condoms each and every time. Don't have someone cum in your mouth. Ask about sexual history and seriously look in the person's eyes. And realize that if you have sex casually, you are having sex with other people who do so casually, so the risk they are HIV+ (or have hep-B or C, or any of a half dozen other STIs) is going to be higher.

Likewise, if the person you are with wants to bareback, that's a HUGE red flag. (For me, it would be a dealbreaker, even if they agreed to use a condom; the fact they are willing puts them at very high risk of being infected with HIV or another STI.)

A lot of that message has been lost or diluted because HIV isn't a death sentence any more. But it still sucks to have it, and carries a lot of inconvenience and difficulty. So.... if you're smart, always play safe, think about who you have sex with, and choose not to be promiscuous, then you don't have much to worry about. If you choose to disregard any or all of the above, then it really just becomes a matter of your level of risk tolerance.

But one last thing I can tell you: I've talked to many people who have said "Oh, getting HIV isn't that big a deal. I'm not worried." Everyone assumes it won't happen to them. I have NEVER met a single person who is HIV+ that did not wish they had been more careful and thoughtful, and would do things differently if they had the chance.

[Lexington]

Chip pretty much said what needed to be said. It's actually not that difficult to play safe. Condoms and lube (used correctly) when doing anal removes about 99% of the risk. Not doing oral to completion (pulling out and manually finishing) gets rid of nearly all the remaining 1%. And if someone tries to coerce you into barebacking, tell them to you don't want them in your house, let alone your body.

I only know two HIV+ guys, and both got it by not following those basic guidelines. One barebacked quite a bit, and the other did porn for non-reputable companies and barebacked for them. Neither guy blames being gay for their status - they correctly blame themselves for not doing what they needed to to protect themselves. And, I should point out, both are living good lives. Not that HIV is "no big deal" - one is now in a stable relationship and has to worry about infecting his partner - but it's something they've learned to deal with, despite their regrets.

Lex

[Mimerio]

HIV / AIDS does scare me, but I would always make sure I completely trust (and that takes a lot of trust) for me to believe them or not, I'm sorry to hear about your friends But with medication helping more, we may find a cure for HIV / AIDS in the future.