sort of tied down by this dilemma

[jsmurf]

For the last few years of high school and the first few years of college, I watched my health very studiously, and maintained a good level of fitness... in effect, i was just a slim guy. (obesity though runs in the family)...


Now I'm about 30 lbs overweight (but working on that, by returning to the gym and watching my diet), but still find myself attracted to skinny guys who are 18-22, i.e. "twinks."
The problem is that they typically prefer guys like them...

So is any hope of a relationship or dating out of the question until I slim down to being thin again, or could there be even one slim young guy out there who wouldn't mind courting a modestly-plump fellow during these next few months?

---------- Post added 6th Nov 2011 at 06:08 PM ----------

or could it be that guys on dating sites just so happen to be pickier than in real life situations?

[Owen]

Originally Posted by jsmurf

...or could there be even one slim young guy out there who wouldn't mind courting a modestly-plump fellow during these next few months?

It's not unheard of. I myself am nowhere near being a twink, but I'm decidedly average in my weight, and I'm naturally attracted to guys who weigh 250-350 pounds, so people who are attracted to people who are bigger than them aren't at all unheard of. However, anyone truly worth dating will care more about how you two get along than how you look, and once there's that level of emotional intimacy, physical attraction counts for less.

Originally Posted by jsmurf

or could it be that guys on dating sites just so happen to be pickier than in real life situations?

Bingo. With the ability to choose between so many potential mates, people on dating sites are going to be pickier than they would be offline. Why settle for someone you get along with well when you can have someone who's also hot? Or so the thinking goes. Not only that, but because dating sites allow people to browse so many profiles, people are going to browse quickly, so they're going to be paying more attention to the superficial than they would be otherwise, since they can judge superficial things faster than the deeper ones like common interests and personal compatibility. Don't base your relationship viability on your dating-site viability; the two are rarely correlated.

[jsmurf]

ha! that gives cause for hope.. im nowhere near 250 or even far into the 200's, so maybe someone special out there exists. In any case, I'm not taking any chances and am going to slim down to what I looked like at age 18.. for my own health, if not for any other sake..

[Gravity]

Nope, dating is not out of the question. I'm with Owen - I'm naturally attracted to heavier guys, in fact I find skinny guys kind of a turn off. :-P No matter what your weight someone will find it attractive.

And to answer the second part of your post, jsmurf, yes - online dating encourages pickiness. When you have 50 or 100 or whatever people literally lined up in front of you, it gives you the impression that you get to somehow "pick" one of them, and so people start to get really specific. I'm not saying it's a bad way to meet people, I know several couples that started online, but it does come with it's own baggage.

[jsmurf]

Hmm, it's just that dating sites are my only method of trying to meet someone right now.. Since I'm still a bit uncomfortable going out to a gay bar or club.

---------- Post added 6th Nov 2011 at 08:31 PM ----------

and dont try to get the sense that im referring to anything sexual/promiscuous when i say bar/club, lol.. it's just a social setting where you'd most likely be bound to chat up with someone else..