romantic orientation vs sexual orientation

A full-bodied relationship (in most people's views) is comprised of both emotional attraction and sex, so but the two aren't necessarily connected. Sure, sex is better with an emotional connection, and emotional attraction can lead to sex if it is mutual and sexualities are compatible, but they don't need to come together. To try to demonstrate how the two can be detached, let me tell you about the time I fell in love with a girl. (I'm biromantic and homosexual).

I got to know this girl very well. She was a really good friend, and we confided in each other a lot. She also had a thing for me, which is probably part of why it was so easy for me to fall for her. We eventually reached a point where I just liked everything about her. I liked talking with her, I liked the connection we had, the honesty we used with each other, everything. We even kissed on the lips a couple of times, but the minute it started to move beyond that, I wasn't comfortable and couldn't continue it. That's because the sexual attraction wasn't there to allow me to enjoy going farther. We could have had a relationship if we were both okay with it not being sexual, but that wasn't the case.

The thing about romantic orientation is that it's hard to figure out, because you can only really judge it by which people you fall in love with, and that doesn't happen as often as you looking at someone and thinking, "They're hot." I myself would probably assume that I was homoromantic if it weren't for that one experience. Of course, it doesn't all have to do with love: I do enjoy snuggling with girls. I enjoy the closeness in our friendship that that shows. That's one of those romantic things that you don't need sexual attraction to do.

 

I don't think it's that they can be mutually exclusive, just that sometimes they don't overlap neatly. Romantic love is, of course, very often closely tied to sexual attraction - but not always, and that's where the idea of biromantic (or homoromantic, or heteroromantic) feelings comes in.

You may be having trouble with this idea because it hasn't happened to you - and it may never happen to you. But it does sometimes happen to other people. For me, sexual and romantic attraction are usually very closely tied, but there have been one or two cases where I felt all the usual emotions related to a romantic infatuation (definitely stronger than anything I've felt for someone I would consider just a friend), but wasn't really feeling much on a sexual level. So I find it easier to understand how these types of situations can happen.

Remember also that there are people who identify as asexual - not sexually attracted to anybody - yet they still fall in love and want to have meaningful relationships.

 

I do believe romantic and sexual orientation CAN be different. I think its very possible that someone can be homosexual but heteroromantic and vice versa. However it always seems to be that case I hear of. People who are sexually interested in the same sex, but romantically interested in the opposite sex.

Its my opinion that most of these feelings are not caused by a real internal preference, but rather from early societal expectations. People come out about being sexually attracted to men, but their whole life they've envisioned their life with the opposite sex, and they've seen the same sex as platonic friends. So even though they admit they are sexually attracted to the same sex, it can be hard to get rid of those built up expectations.

So its my belief that these difference can be either natural or simply society. I know what I first started dealing with my sexuality I considered myself straight for a long time because even though I had a lot of homosexual fantasies, I couldn't envision myself falling in love or even kissing a man. However I've been in a relationship with a man for almost 14 months though, so I could count as an example I suppose.

 

For me, I can emotionally connect with men, but I'm only sexually attracted to women. I originally thought that I was bisexual, but with time I have realized that I am not.

 

I'd consider myself slightly biromantic. I'm currently in love with a girl but I have no sexual attraction to her whatsoever. :/

I could see spending my whole life with her and I'd gladly give up sex if that's what it took.

 

I've noticed this distinction in the forums too, and initially I was just as confused by it. For me, romantic and sexual attractions have always been complimentary - can't have one without the other. I guess I'm coming around to the idea that some people do have one without the other. All in all, not a huge leap to make since I already realize that some people are hetero and some people are lgbt - just another piece of sexual diversity (aww).

 

I am the same way. I remember one or two men to whom I was emotionally attracted, but I don't find men's bodies attractive and don't relish the idea of kissing/touching them. As for women, I am attracted to them emotionally and physically; I find the thought of kissing them and touching them to be appealing. (I'm a virgin, so I don't know in that way.)

 

Very often I personally feel more "romantic" in the presence of girls than guys, even though I'm sexually attracted almost mainly to the latter.

But I'm not sure what role social conditioning plays in all of this...

 

woah this is confusing XD, All I Know is I like guys both ways, and the most I go with a girl is a friend XD

 

This might be relevant to your interests. The whole episode is on youtube if you are interested.

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I second to this. I like and even dream of my (imaginary) mr right in sexual and romantic way. Sometimes I think of sensual things like having wild sex with him, but sometimes romantic ones, like travelling together, romantic dinner, visiting our families, playing music together, playing video games, or simply just me laying on his chest as we cuddle together watching the sunset.

For women, I may love them (I love my sisters to death) and I love one close female friend that sometimes we call each other, meet for lunch, shop together, gossip (hehehe), but it's not a romantic feeling at all. It's more of a friendship.

 

The trouble with sexual and romantic orientation is that they only take on any kind of meaning when they are realized and acted upon. Rhetorical question: is there any difference between a liberal and a conservative if they have never encountered politics or political discussion? The same principle applies to our orientations. This is where things get complex, because we can't access our sexuality or romantic orientation directly; we can only figure them out going by our past history. I have only ever been sexually aroused by men, so I call myself homosexual. I have fallen in love with both men and a woman, so I call myself biromantic (I really call myself panromantic, because I don't see why I couldn't fall in love with a genderqueer or trans person, but I've never had the chance to test it).

So, if you have some kind of mentality or mental block that makes you think you could never fall in love with members of a certain sex (be it ingrained homophobia, or a bad experience with one member of that sex, or just shyness), you'll never put yourself in positions where you can fall in love with those people, so you'll never get to know whether that potential exists within you. But if that inhibition changes, you might open up to the possibility of falling in love with a sex you previously hadn't fallen in love with. Though a "switch" hasn't really taken place in this case, it can seem like it has. I don't know whether a real "switch" can take place in regards to your ingrained sexuality or romantic orientation, but being that they are defined and demonstrated by our actions and our history, both of which are influenced by things other than our orientation, they can certainly seem to switch.

Love can make you enjoy doing things with that person that you wouldn't enjoy doing with another person of their sex (as happened with me), but there's no hard and fast rule that says, "If you fall in love with them, you'll start to enjoy these things, but not these things." It really is different for everyone. When I fell in love with that girl, I wasn't comfortable going farther than kissing on the lips. By contrast, the last guy I dated told me that he only enjoyed the sexual things we did (suffice to say we did more than kiss) because he was attracted to my personality, and that he can't be attracted to a guy unless he gets to know them personally (I'm assume that's not the case with girls).

As for labels, just choose whichever one you think fits you best. Don't worry about whether other people would "consider" you bisexual; does the label of "bisexual" accurately describe your experience with your sexuality? Does it ring true for you? If so, go with it; if not, find one that does. Or just say "Screw it" and call yourself pomosexual (a label for those who reject labels for sexuality). The thing is that sexuality really is a spectrum, and though that can be intimidating for some people, especially if they're trying to figure out who they are and are intimidated by the myriad of choices, it can be liberating, too. It says that you are who you are, even if there isn't a label that accurately describes it.

 

Sorry to re-awake a long inactive thread, but this really rang a bell... plus I've been wondering about this romantically attracted malarkey.

Basically, this above was me in my last relationship (with my ex-gf). I loved her (and still do) as a person, but sex was absolute no-no. I can't think of anything more gross.

I even said to her something similar to this "I could see spending my whole life with her and I'd gladly give up sex if that's what it took." but she is hetero-sexual/romantic, so... besides which I was still finding guys sexually attractive at the same time, so it wouldn't have been fair to either of us.

So maybe I'm a tad biromantic myself, but I don't see the point in having one side of that active at all if I'm not physically attracted to women.

 

At the present time, I consider myself heteroromantic bisexual. I know that I am sexually attracted to men and women. I have only dated/lived with men so I don't know if I could enter a committed relationship with a woman. I wouldn't know where to start (meeting, asking out on a date) if I wanted to date a woman. To the outside world, I might as well portray myself as straight. Idk

 

I think it's just important to try and forget what you always knew about sexuality. Sexuality is separate from romantic orientation, but there is even more to it than that. Other factors come into play, such as confines due to family or occupation, which determine how a person might force themselves to enter relationships against their orientation. That's only one example.

People really need to stop seeing sexual orientation in such a simple way. In fact, I think the reality is even more simple; we just struggle with indefinite terms, hence us adopting 'gay', 'bi' and 'straight' and using them so religiously. Such is not the nature of our biology; people are not so simple.

 

This is me, only the opposite. I'm sexually attracted to men but only seem to fall in love with women. It's so confusing and painful when things don't line up neatly, and I really envy people who's sexual orientation and romantic feelings are on the same level.

 

I'm romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to both men and women. I just go by bisexual at this point

 

A distinction between sexual and romantic orientation is new to me, but the arguments folks are making seem to make sense. Still, if any one has any good links to read up more on it, I'd appreciate it.