When you fall off a horse...

They say to get back on and ride.

I got out of a really horrible, abusive relationship recently. (About a month ago.) I'd say that I have healing to do, but getting him out of the house pretty much "did it" for me. Many of my issues lifted, such as anxiety and weird sleep schedules. All in all, I felt good and like I was ready to live again.

I then found out that a long-time friend of mine has carried a torch for me for quite some time, but didn't want to interfere with my prior relationship. He hadn't wanted to say anything because he felt it was too soon, but he wanted it off his chest. I am thankful he said something, because this is someone I crushed on when I was very young, but couldn't say much because of the age gap. By the time I could... well, we were off doing our own things, as it tends to go. But now? Yep, nothing in the way except a few pieces of baggage.

I was sort of hesitant at first, because they say you're not supposed to get into relationships so soon after one ends. But this is someone I have known for about seven years; he has been a constant, consistent support system and he has done nothing but try and make sure I'm safe and happy. He stated outright that we can go as slow and I need, he just wanted to know if the chance at a relationship was still there.

So I said yes.

And I am SO happy I said yes.

Someone that likes the same music? Someone that is actually emotional with me? And tells me he loves me every morning and night? Someone that likes my family, likes my friends and likes my pets? Someone who makes me and my family (handmakes!) presents for the holidays? Who is good to his family? Who cares about my feelings and asks me about what I want in life and HAS GOALS? Someone who doesn't hide me from his family, even if explaining our relationship is difficult? Someone who makes his dad lunch and leaves ILU notes and stuff? Who does the dishes and laundry and tries to make people's lives EASIER not HARDER? Who understands me and tries to understand the things he doesn't already get, but is always accepting and compassionate about whatever it is? Someone who doesn't mind if I express my sexuality outside of whatever physical relationship we might have, and even ENCOURAGES it?

People like that exist?

Yes, it turns out YES, they do. And one of them likes me. "THAT" WAY.

So we are seeing where it is going. But if everything goes as well as it has been in the last few days? ... I'll die happy. Because he... actually talks about me to his friends and family. He actually says nice things about me, not just to my face but to other people. He listens to me. He actually goes out of his way to talk about things. He's THERE for me, and he doesn't expect me to fix his life for him or take responsibility for his actions. All he wants is for me to love him, and that is.... I already did.

This is something so foreign to me. I am so used to being told ('shown' rather) that my feelings mean nothing, that I'm just a sap... feeling like I have to fix someone's life and problems... not being understood or accepted, not being able to live the life I want... being told expressing sexuality (unless it was in ways my ex deemed okay) was stupid/gross... being under attack in an emotional way, having to try and protect my family and friends from my ex's temper and bullshit... being taken for granted... being expected to be glued to my ex's hip 24/7 and not have a life outside of him, being expected to fetch everything he wants and cook/clean for him...

It just feels so wonderful, sitting here and realizing... I don't have to deal with that anymore. That someone who is responsible, self-reliant and compassionate is waiting for me.

I feel so blessed. I have no words for it. He said he wanted to run around and scream to the world that he loves me, so I thought I'd come over to EC and scream to the forums that he loves me. And that I love him. And to say that THERE IS HOPE and THERE IS HAPPINESS and it is out there, waiting.

*grabs that horse and takes off*

 

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I can't believe it's been a week since we got together. (I can't believe he actually remembered it's been a week and is excited about it.) He's met some of my friends (through IM) and they approved of him; that is just so awesome.

*shares the happy with all of you*