Being gay is frustrating

[greatfulyslow]

Ok I'm finding it harder and harder to stay in the closet and I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to have to suck it up and grow a hypothetical pair and start coming out more or I'm going to fall out of the closet! I realize that if I want to be in a serious long term relationship I need to do this! I find it difficult because I'm really private and I don't want to hear the "I knew you like woman!" And the "we can't be friends anymore" or "I'm disappointed in you!" Grrr How do you get past that!
Also why am I attracted to very intelligent woman that are breath takingly beautiful who don't live anywhere close
I sometimes think its going to be hard for me to find someone maybe my wants are to high Idk its frustrating!
Please Santa Clause send me a woman who is caring and smart (college degree+) supportive, funny, beautiful, and goofy! Anyone who fits that profile and can put up with the fact that I'm a horrible cook, a nerd! I'm not asking for much I never ask for anything but I want this!

[Jessica816]

I felt exactly like this before I jumped out of said closet. Once I came to terms with the fact that I'm gay, it hit me like a giant rainbow brick. I knew and dang it I wanted the world to know, yet I was scared to death of everyone's reaction! Then one person found out at work and bam before I knew it, the ahold place knew! Oh and if Santa brings you, your dream woman if she has a sister could you send her down to Missouri? Haha

[dl72]

I am in the same boat. I am in the closet and it is not easy. It is frustrating because I want to be happy with who I am but I don't know what everyones reactions will be. I think many of my friends and even family may already think I am gay, but I am not sure. I think I have given some hints that I am because I have been asked. I just recently shaved my entire body, it looks and feels great. I did it because I work out and want to get defined more, but it is also a fetish for me as well. I really don't know what to do, so I know how you feel.

[Rooni321]

Well let me tell you, I felt the exact same way but the second I took a step out of the closet is the second I started 'talking' to more girls.
Seriously.

Also, you don't need to come out if you don't want to. There's no deadline (:
You should do it when you're perfectly comfortable with it.

[needshelp]

yes, being gay is very frustrating. very, very frustrating. for one, i have a bit of denial and confusion going on with me that i guess comes along with the whole acceptance process. it's like i've been so used to living the life of a straight guy even though i knew then and know now for sure that i'm not. i've convinced myself for a long time that i was truly straight where i was going to have future with women, have a girlfriend that i could bring home to my family. that was what i preferred but my mind and my body said otherwise. i have moments where i still check out girls or see a woman and think to myself, we can have something going on but then i realize that that is only a lie that i lived around and i need to stop holding on that straight identity that i'm hiding under. my fear led to homophobia which i am battling now. then there's the whole coming out to those closest to me and to others that are not so close to me and being able to be myself around other people and being completely comfortable with it. letting the cat out of the bag is scary. i'm in an area where everybody minds everybody elses business except their own. you really have to be apathetic in order to roam around as a gay guy where i'm at. it's not conservative but at the same time, it's not something that is widely accepted. you're not going to have people on your side. you can be a good person but as soon as they find out you're gay, they don't like you anymore.

i want to be free but i'm not at the right place. my safe haven is miles away and being that i'm truly not comfortable with sharing this to other people even my fellow lgbt comrades. i'm afraid of being myself because i know that who i really am will not be accepted by others. i'll basically be alone liberated but basically shut away from everything and everyone that i grew up to know and love. i would have no problem hooking up with other guys if it was widely accepted and i could do it out in the open but there's this fucking stigma to being gay in america and the entire world. it gets even worse at the fact that my family and where they're from are homophobic so basically, i'm a reject. i already have issues with people already dealing with the past and the present where i've been rejected by others for being myself or not being like them. if you don't walk a certain way, act a certain way, look a certain way, and etc even if it's a simple quirk, they basically diss you. this is what i come up seeing and it really pisses me off. honestly, i'm moving the fuck out of here whenever i get the chance. oppressive environments make being gay difficult.

[dennisvkn]

It is frustrating. I walked out my closet the first time it turned out pretty nice, which leads to the second, it was opposite and hurt me for life. So only come out to the right people that you think you can trust them and they trust you as well.

[greatfulyslow]

needshelp! That's exactly how I feel but you just have more detail it sounds like my story! I mean I even changed my career so that I could if I ever meet the right girl I can move to be with her bc I am able to have a career where I can get a job about anywhere! I will eventualy move away from my lovely hometown everyone is great but if your gay then no way! So with that being said I also have this homophobia stigma that if I'm going to be gay and open in this small town then I have to find the hottest chick I can even if she's a bitch so people will accept me easier! Fyi I would never do that but I've had those thoughts! I just get so confused still although I know I'm gay and I'm okay to a point with it but Dang why can't it be easy!

---------- Post added 9th Dec 2011 at 12:19 AM ----------

also thank you all for commenting I like reading them! And can relate on many levels!

[TheJoker]

It's killing me and everything related with me.

[Rinto]

Every time I come out to a person, it's like taking one more step deeper to a quicksand.
I know it's hard and very painful, but I always think that if I want to have some of the well-kept thoughts away from my heart, I've got to release them somehow... even if it's really painful...

[SA Boy]

Yeah, i feel completely like that all the time. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter when i come out, but then i hear others saying 16 is a good age to do it, feel under pressure. Of course i want to do it's just a question of if i can. There are those times i wish i was straight and other times i'm pleased with who i am. Good luck.

[coastgirl]

yeah for real. I mean the thing that I'm frustrated about right now is the limited dating pool, and how difficult it can be to find someone compatible with you. le sigh.

[Coldwater]

In the exact same situation here. Being in the closet makes it a lot harder to meet someone. Only one solution though, as difficult as it might be.

[greatfulyslow]

Well its comforting that others feel the same! It's extra hard for me around the holidays bc I wish I was spending it with a partner! I know I need to wait and it will happen! The right person is going to come into my life when I least expect it!