Is it offensive?

I don't find that the least bit offensive.

 

Not any more so than I do going around saying I wish I had more straight (well really the straight doesn't matter) female friends. Which I do.

 

Several of my friends say it, and nobody considers it offensive – it's funny, and one time they checked with me to make sure I wasn't offended. I agree with you, Danny, in that it's much better than some things that might be said.

 

I don't find it offensive in itself, but it makes me wonder about her motives. Is she assuming that if this person is gay, he's going to fit some stereotype and want to do "girly" things together? Or would she just prefer to have a male friendship where there is no chance of him becoming sexually attracted to her? If it's the latter, I can somewhat understand not wanting to go through that, although even then, she might be reinforcing the belief that straight men and women can't be just friends. However, if it's the former, she would be perpetuating the stereotype that all gay guys act in a certain, feminine manner, and I would most likely not want to be friends with her.

It's important for my friends to be open-minded and accept my sexual orientation, but I don't it to be the only reason that we're friends, nor do I want people to assume that I have a specific personality because of my attraction preferences.

 

nope

 

Yes, I personally wouldn't say it, specifically because it can be interpreted that way, even though I am a massive supporter of all men's right to be as feminine as they like, and of gender-variant people in general. Saying that sort of thing could actually be counter-productive in making masculine gay men resent feminine gay men, which unfortunately and unfairly does happen as a result of such generalisations.

You never know whether a closeted masculine gay man might be around who'd be made to feel invisible or like a tiny minority by the assumption that gay = gender atypical. Also there are significantly feminine non-gay men who hide their feminine traits in public and who might feel even more invisible, as they seem to get close to zero representation in the media and a lot of people assume they don't exist, that they're all just closeted gays or transsexuals.

Personally, I have several mildly to moderately feminine gay male friends and I do like both the fact that sexuality won't complicate our friendship so I can be more physically affectionate with them, AND the fact that they're more feminine than the average man and don't interact with me in a way that makes me self-conscious about not living up to gender expectations myself. There are a couple of slightly feminine men whom I think I would actually like to be, as someone who feels the average male and average female are both like different species to me altogether, which is another reason I'm drawn to them.

A feminine straight man or a masculine gay man would only tick one of those two boxes. The combination is actually what a lot of girls mean when they say stuff like that. They probably should be more specific but it's nothing a little friendly education couldn't solve.

 

I personally don't find it offensive, but if i told a friend that i was gay, and she said that to me, i'd go out of my way to act as least gay as i possibly could. Just for the fact that i wouldn't be her friend anymore i'd be her "gay friend" :/

 

Why??? Gay people are awesome. So are most people.

 

Well, in general, no. But I'm not going to be anyone's "gay pet", not do I have any interest in being one. If I'm going to be your best friend, I'm going to be your best friend. I'm not going to be your male best friend, your Black best friend, your gay best friend. I'm going to be your friend who just so happens to fall into certain demographics.

 

Not really. Although I haven't really had that situation arise for me yet, so I don't know how I would react.

My best friend happens to be a straight woman, but she's never called me that and I appreciate it. Even if she did call me her gay best friend, she would get a pass by now. :lol:

 

I'd rather be wanted than not wanted. But I'd rather be judged by my individual merits than to be assumed that I'll be a certain way just because I'm gay. So I'm sort of neutral.

Lex

 

I kind of facepalm, but it's not the most offencive thing I've heard.

 

It's not offensive, per se. It can rub people the wrong way though. Coining the term "gay best friend" makes us sound like some new accessory that every straight girl must have.

 

I wouldn't find it offensive if they were like 'oh awesome my best friend is gay' rather than 'you're my best friend BECAUSE you're gay'

 

Yeaaah. I do. It annoys me, because it's always girls that want me to be there with them, just so they don't have to worry about sexual tension. They don't care about the fact that I have interests that differ from them, they just focus on the fact that I won't focus on them. I find it very much offensive. Maybe I'm just tasting the bad batch of "you're gonna be my gay best friend" girls. Ha.

 

Kinda, yeah, since it spreads the notion of the token LGBT guy. I'm bi, so I'm not sure if I would fit into this category since for girls I think part of it is the guy not being sexually into them. But, still being LGBT - it just seems to spread the notion that guys who like guys are vastly different from straight guys when we are basically exactly the same. Yeah, some guys you can tell - some are into more feminine things - but others you can't and aren't so I've just always hated that stereotype. Those kinds of girls don't seem to get that the straightest acting guy in the room could possibly be LGBT.

 

You put it better than I could; that's why I'd take issue with it, too.

 

I'd only be offended if they just wanted me around to go shopping and to say how fabulous her shoes are. Outside of that, I don't find it offensive.

 

I don’t find it offensive per se but I look for quality in a friend- not sexual orientation.