Be it enacted by the King's most excellent Majesty, with the Advice of the Senate and the House of Representatives in the present Congress Assembled;- Article One. Short Title This Act may be cited as "Cancellation of Christmas Act, 2011" Article Two. Definition "Christmas" shall refer to any festive and celebratory speech, gesture, or conduct on December 25th, 2011 and the eleven days thereafter. "Christmas Eve" shall refer to the same activities on December 24th, 2011. "Santa Clause" shall refer to the fat guy who delivers gifts on a sled that may or may not fly and is powered by rein deers. "Extended family" shall refer to any person of relation to another person but does not dwell within the same place of dwelling as that other person for more than 6 months in a calendar year. "The Governor-In-Council" shall refer to the commissioner in charge of providing Royal Assent to this Act. An "Agent acting on behalf of the Governor-In-Council" shall refer to an officer of the King's Peace or a member of the armed forces empowered to perform an order with respect to this Act by an Order-In-Council. "Prohibition" shall refer to an enforceable criminalization on the date this Act coming into force of an act or omission, estoppable during the commission thereof by an agent acting on behalf of the Governor-In-Council by the use of reasonable force. "Court" shall refer to a lawful court, the Court of Appeal, or the Federal Court, or the Supreme Court. Article Three. Prohibition of Christmas Celebrations Everyone who: (1) Brings into their place of occupation or dwelling, or an edifice, or an vehicle, an object that is or resembles a tree, and / or puts ornamentation upon the said object; (2) Decorates their place of occupation or dwelling, or an edifice, or an vehicle with objects that display the image of Santa Claus, rein deers, or any other designs and colors which would cause a reasonable and prudent person to feel festive; (3) Invites their extended family to a gathering; (4) Gives or accepts the receipt of presents of any value; (5) Aids and abets the above by either directly providing logistic support to allow it to happen or by financial support, including to such acts occurring outside the geographic jurisdiction of the Governor-In-Council, on Christmas Eve, or Christmas, or both, commits a misdemeanor punishable by not more than 2 years imprisonment or a fine of not more than $5000, or both within those prescribed limitations. Article Four. Enforcement It shall be lawful for the Governor-In-Council to designate agents acting on his behalf to estopple anyone committing the acts laid out in Article Three of this Act, by the use of force. It shall be lawful for the Governor-In-Council to detain without probable cause for the duration of Christmas Eve and Christmas any persons, but without subjecting them to prosecution in Court to impose penalties stipulated in Article Three of this Act. In this case, the detained person upon release is not entitled to habeas corpus.
Sounds like something Ebenezer Scrooge would have written. However, in the enforcement of the cancellation of Christmas, the Bill is in fact making the day stand out as one on which some things may specifically not be done, so the celebration is gone but recognition of the day remains. Well done to whoever wrote this, though, and I second banning those reindeer that people put on their roofs!
Haha good observation. When I wrote it I was thinking that if I didn't stick to banning only specific activities, rather, the concept of Christmas, then it would be too broad of a law that would put the onus on the courts to navigate the ambiguities and easy to fail the standards test. Normally, in common law jurisdictions the courts would simply declare a badly-written broad and overarching laws unconstitutional because they fail the standards test, and I certainly did not want to spend more time on it.
