28th Dec 2011, 08:23 PM
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| EC Advisor
Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,581 Join Date: May 2008 |  Beautiful story about one woman's effect on bullying and self esteem
Just received this message on an email list I subscribe to. I know nothing about the woman who wrote the story, except that her name is Shaina. She sounds like a pretty remarkable woman. Quote:
TEACH
Years ago I started volunteering some time at my daughter's school and it
turned out to be one of the richest experiences of my life.
It began because my then 12 year old daughter, Klarissa, stood up to one
of the ³bullies² at her school. It was a sexual harassment issue. The
school counselor was impressed with how Klarissa handled it and she asked
if I would come to the school and share with a small group of girls about
how to take better care of themselves.
The counselor shared that harassment and bullying was one of the biggest
issues at the school. The bullies would receive some sort of punishment,
and then the problem would escalate in threats and even more physical
violence.
She was overwhelmed and at a loss.
That meeting was positive and the girls asked if I would come back.
Week after week the girls would ask to have another meeting, bringing
different situations that they were struggling with to the table.
Over that first school year, the small group of girls, turned into a group
of 26 boys and girls ages 12-14, who met weekly after school. It was
reported that among those "struggling" students, attendance and test
scores went up and harassment incidences all but disappeared. High test
scores and attendance equaled more funding for the school, so they became
very supportive and curious about what was happening in those meetings.
To begin with, I had no idea what we were going to do.
It was obvious the kids had a lot going on. And that a level of trust
needed to be established. But how to get them to open up???
And soŠ I began to speak with them about garbage.
"What happen's when you don't take the garbage out at home?".
"It get's smelly and rotten."
"The worse it get's, the more stinky and overwhelming a chore."
"And what happen's if we hold all the rotten things that we are dealing
with inside?"
In their own words, they were able to see that holding stuff inside was
causing problems for themselves and each other and in their families.
So at the beginning of every meeting, I gave each student a piece of
paper and told them to close their eyes and think of something that had
caused them pain or was creating stress in their life. And then, with as
much energy equal to that pain, to write it down and put it into the
garbage can. And that they didn't need to put their name on it.
Some of those kids wrote so hard that it actually tore through the paper.
They would crumple and hurl their papers into the garbage can with such
velocity.
From that day forward, I became known as the garbage lady. I would carry
this shiny tin can to the school and the kids would light up and say,
"Yeah! The garbage lady! "I have some major internal garbage to take out
this week!"
I promised that I would not read the papers unless there was a unanimous
agreement. I gained their trust in keeping my promise. Just as I guessed,
the kids proposed that I read their garbage. They really wanted to be
heard and seen. Some started putting their names down.
I would sit at the front of the room and slowly read some of the garbage.
You could here a pin drop as the kids watched. I would let myself really
feel each piece. Sometimes I found myself teary. But I took timeŠ always
with reverence and complete attention to what had been shared.
Finally, I asked if I could read one piece aloud to the group... without
revealing names.
What happened after that was beautiful. As I read what another of their
peers was going through, I saw them step out of their self-centeredness
(which is what teenagers are traditionally known for). Compassion and
empathy appeared.
It was hard to imagine teasing someone who's parent had cancer, or who was
being beaten by their father, or had feelings of suicide. The garbage held
the pressures they felt to get good grades, fit in with friends,
loneliness of not having a friend, dealing with body issues, and learning
what it meant to be sexualŠ to name a few.
They were sponges for learning breathing that could calm their stress and
that their thinking created their reality. We did exercises and games that
made being present, open, and compassionate fun and ordinary.
Each week I would pull another piece from the garbage can and we would
discuss another situation. Now the kids wanted to help and support each
other.
I was amazed that I had these students to myself every week. With no
outline or curriculum, I was free to do whatever struck me in the moment.
We did movement and meditation and discussed energy and the fact that what
we believe affects our reality.
It was not about an adult coming in and teaching or preaching about being
kind and sensitive. Or trying to change them in any way.
But as they stopped and became aware of what was happening around them,
THEY wanted things to change. And they did!
As a group they then came up with ideas to make their school a better
place. They did random acts of kindness, sponsored younger kids who had
challenges, and in the end named the organization TEACH.
Teens
Educating
Against
Classmate
Harassment
The program gained recognition, received grant funding, and was
implemented into every school in two districts. Across all schools, test
scores and attendance went up and harassment incidences went down.
I never had a goal to start a program in the public school system dealing
with harassment. I didn't have a structured plan and certainly hadn't
considered myself qualified. But luckily I let go of those ideas long
enough to respond from my heart.
It turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. Klarissa and I
worked as a team and I witnessed her strengths come out and shine in
beautiful ways. Now, as a grown woman, she works in a middle school
herself with underprivileged kids.
| Imagine what it would be like if such a program existed at every school in the country! |
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