"Opposites Attract" vs "Birds of a Feather"

[jargon]

So, agree or disagree, psych research says that the old saying "birds of a feather flock together" is true with regards to relationships. "Opposites attract" is true once in a while about who we're attracted to, but relationships work out better (on average) when both partners are more similar than different. Extroverts do better with other extroverts, pessimists do better with pessimists, etc.

The one obvious exception in 90% of couples is gender. Most people in the world primarily date members of the opposite sex.

What I'm wondering is: in the world of homosexual relationships, do we tend to follow this same pattern? Are "masculine" gay guys attracted most to more "feminine" guys (as most straight men prefer feminine women) or to other "masculine" guys? Personally, I consider myself fairly middle-of-the-road when it comes to masculinity/femininity, and I'd really be interested in guys who are somewhere in between as well - someone who I would feel "equal" to on this part of my personality. I have no idea if this is how other gay people think though. So EC, whats your take on this little debate in the gay dating world?

[BudderMC]

I think it largely depends on the person. For me, I think it splits for personality/interests and physical appearance/attraction. I tend to be interested in people who have similar interests, personalities, and values as I do. For me, I think what it boils down to is that I wouldn't be able to stand being with someone who is so far gone from what I am. Part of it is that my personality includes being level-headed (usually) and not being able to tolerate a lack of common sense.

For physical appearance, I tend to be attracted to people who are far (or pretty opposite) from what I look like. I usually like dirty blonds, slimmer/athletic builds, little/no body hair, etc., which is pretty opposite from what I am. That being said, I'm still attracted to some people who don't fit those criteria (or are closer to my appearance in ways), it just happens less often. I think a lot of this stems from having a pretty low self-esteem with regards to my body image growing up, so now that I've managed to shake some of the parts of me I didn't like, I don't really want to spend the rest of my life with it (again).

As for strictly masculine/feminine guys, I personally am not attracted to feminine guys at all (and I consider myself sort of masculine, or at least not feminine... I guess neither masculine or feminine really). I'm sure there will be some exception to that, but I think I have yet to be attracted to one. In retrospect, I guess I'm attracted to guys who aren't really masculine or feminine, just kinda your 'average' guy.

[Owen]

I've never been able to notice any real patterns in the couples I see, other than that the hook-up-types tend to go for the other hook-up-types and the romantic-types tend to go for other romantic-types. The tricky thing about being gay is that we are in the minority, so we don't have nearly as many "options" as our heterosexual friends do. There are fewer fish in the sea for us, so we can't afford to be as choosy as heterosexuals can be. Some can be more choosy than others (the hook-up types, specifically, because that culture works in such a way that their options are more apparent to them), but for the most part, most of the gay relationships I've seen have been cases of, "You're gay, I don't mind your company, let's date." Anecdotally, I can say that most of the couples I've seen have been "birds of a feather" couples.

Speaking personally, I'm a largely masculine gay man, but my attraction goes both ways. Given a choice, I'd probably prefer another masculine man, for I'm less likely to be put off by masculine traits than feminine ones. However, my mind works in such a way that if I know or suspect that a man is gay, he becomes much cuter to me, so for that reason, I like feminine men, too.

[Kidd]

I haven't seen any sort of pattern. I know plenty of lesbians. Some of them are femme/femme couples. Some of them are femme/butch. I don't know any butch/butch couples but I'm sure there are some out there. For myself personally, I'm a pretty easy to spot gay. I've been attracted to both 'feminine' gays and 'masculine' gays, and I've been hit on by people of both types.

I'm going to echo what BudderMC said. Personality wise they have to be similar to me with similar values, ethics, beliefs, whatever. Once you find someone you really connect with on a genuine level you don't care how masculine or feminine they are.

[IanGallagher]

Crazy chicks and rebel boys turn me on a lot lol. But, then again, I've also been a brooder so...




Nice girls without any baggage can just be too nice. For example, there was this overly nice chick where I interned - I thought she was attractive, but there wasn't a spark. The second she let go and spilled all her emotional baggage I instantly had the hots for her lol.

Although I never thought I'd fall for a feminine guy. I did because we similarly had horrible home lives in the same extent - both haunted by the paranormal. And he had a rebellious bad boy side that I could similarly relate to a lot.

Nice or put-together people seem like robots to me.

Basically saying birds of a feather all the way.

[Revan]

To be honest, I have no freaking clue about my own interests because I haven't met him yet. I thought I had because we lasted a year and four months, but as many see in my threads, that's faded. I consider myself the romantic type, you know, spending time together (to a point of course, everyone needs some time to themselves), making dinner for one another, holding hands, etc etc. But frankly with my boyfriend (still haven't left him yet :S) it's none of that. He takes opposite sides of every conversation, makes me feel inferior, criticizes me for things, he's done a lot for me personally on some level but as a boyfriend? Not so much.

[sanguine]

what an awesome topic to discuss, i think id be attracted personality wise, i look for guys who are more quiet/stoic in behavior, because im fairly out going myself, so does that count as an opposite/contrast? if your talking as in the physical attributes im not really sure, but i do know i not into skinny and hairless

[Ben]

I tend to prefer guys who look different to me (taller, a bit bulkier, dark hair) but have similarish interests. But when it comes to the bedroom, of course I like men who take on the opposite role to me.
I'm kind of similar to my boyfriend on some levels but we're totally different on others. He's nowhere near as effeminate as me, but we have plenty of common ground, so it works out fine.

[steel03]

I'm definitely more on the masculine end of the spectrum and I guess look more "classically male" (not skinny and have a bit more body hair than usual), and I am very much more attracted to similar qualities than to different. But there are exceptions.

[Yuya]

I like to think that the guy I like would have simliar interests and specific features but somehow the love of my life turned out to be the complete opposite. True that we may not really have much common but someone who is willing to invest in getting to know my interests is definately worth my time.

[Azza]

Any where from full on masculine to quite feminine, I'm in the middle myself and could get on easily with either, preferably I'd like them to be shorter than me, I'm about 6'1', also I tend to have crushes on guys who like me aren't fantastic in social situations... oh and they are usually hotter than me so I guess that's an opposite? :P

[Kev]

I tend to be attracted to guys who aren't anything like me personality wise.