Accepable age gap in first relationship

[Mimerio]

Well, recently as some may know, I came out to my parents, what I've been wondering is that what you personally think is a reasonable age gap between the 2 partners.

My sister's fiance is 13 years older than she is. (she's 31, he's 44) and by the wedding he'll be in his mid 40s she'll still be in her early 30s.

What I think (for me personally) is between 1 and 3 years. (I'm more of the person who goes for the older person, so between 18 - 21)

[Jim94]

My parent have 11 years between and for my self from 1 till 10 years older , but till I dont think it metters , if I have a great connection why should age play a role there?

[Sunsetting]

i think it depends on the age. like when you're 18, the law prohibits sexual relationships with people under 18, but that doesn't mean a non-sexual relationship couldn't work between a 17 year old and a 19 year old. in the legal realm, i'd agree that anything in the 1-10 year range is pretty reasonable because you're still in similar stages and experiences in life. but as people get older, like your sister, 13years is totally reasonable too. i have a good friend who married his wife when she was 21 and he was 34 (13 yrs) and they have an AWESOME relationship

[alex1170]

I don't think it really matters, but a general rule I kinda like is half your age plus 7 for the older person. so the oldest you should date would be your age minus 7 times 2.

[Morphim]

In the Finnish presidential election, one of the two candidates is a gay man, whose spouse is about 30 years younger than him. To my mind, there's nothing wrong with being in a relationship with an older/younger person.

EDIT: I SHOULD LEARN TO READ. I missed to word "first" in the thread title. Well, hmm I'd think it would be best if one's first relationship was with someone equally inexperienced.

[workingman1291]

If i had to place a age gap that i myself would be comfortable with i would have to say between 1-5 years max. And i don't know why but i would either like to be the older one or the same age in the relationship.
But either way you should celebrate your sisters happiness.

[Allegro molto]

Well...for me, personally, [what I call] my "age cap" is 10 years. I know a lot of people say that I'll be "missing out" or that I might be close-minded or that I'm limiting my options, but the thing is this: I usually see men that are 10 years older than me as older brothers or father figures (probably because I didn't have an older brother or father figure growing up). Sure, I may crush on them, but at the end of the day, I always feel a brotherly or fatherly vibe from them. That being said, it would be extremely awkward and kind of wrong for me to date someone I'd view as brotherly or fatherly.

As far as first relationships go...I don't think I have a specific "acceptable" age...just as long as they aren't over 10 years older than me. xD

[DJT]

My parents have a 20 years age gap! And although they argue, they're still together, even through thick and thin. I personally feel a huge age gap isn't good, just for the fact that the people in the relationship grew up in different generations, and have different views. I've seen it in my parents relationship, and I think it puts a huge strain on there relationship.

I think my "age cap" is 1-4. If he was too old, I would feel intimidated in the relationship, But if he was too young, I would feel he wouldn't really challenge me. Someone closer to my age would be better for me.

[BroadwayDreamer]

I say a 3-5 year limit.

[Chip]

a 5 or 10 or 20 year age gap is a lot less meaningful when the younger person is 25 or 30 than when the younger person is 15 or 18. Putting aside the obvious legal issues of being on the wrong side of the law, a 10 year gap at 18 is almost half of the younger person's life, and the two people will be at *very* different places in their lives.

Does that mean it can never work? No. But it does mean that there is usually a power imbalance, because the older person will usually be more secure in job/career/home/life, and have a very different perception of the world. And that tends to make the younger person more dependent on the older person... which, in turn, tends to create an unhealthy dynamic, and can cause problems for the younger person just trying to develop independence.

So in general, if the younger person is younger than 25, I encourage the age difference to be no more than 2-5 years (depending on ages). There's a formula floating around which I can never remember, but I'm sure someone can post it, and it's a pretty good rule of thumb.

[Mimerio]

Originally Posted by workingman1291

If i had to place a age gap that i myself would be comfortable with i would have to say between 1-5 years max. And i don't know why but i would either like to be the older one or the same age in the relationship.
But either way you should celebrate your sisters happiness.

I am happy for my sister, I was just curious about other's opinions, thanks for your's and everyone else's

[Paper Heart]

I feel that as long as neither party doesn't try to abuse the fact that there is a noticeable age difference, then it shouldn't matter.

[Hot Pink]

Considering that I haven't ever been in a true romantic relationship, my next one will be my first. I personally wouldn't date anyone younger than 22 and older than 32. I dunno if that's reasonable or not.