Old couple at a coffee shop talking about gay people

[kris burns]

I am working at a coffee shop and there is this old couple sitting on a nearby table talking to a young Chinese student about bible and christianity and all that. And suddenly the topic turned to gay people and this woman keeps saying, "we don't judge them, we just show them what God said". I am trying not to listen but I am getting angry and I feel like going to them and having an argument. Has this happened to you? What did you do in this situation?

[thedreamwatch]

Yeah actually. I was once eating at my favorite diner and a guy one booth away said they shouldn't allow gays into restaurants. I don't think he was talking about me. We're both regulars and he says hi to me and everything. (Probably doesn't realize I'm a big homo...)

I didn't say anything. I was scared. That kind of idea seeming perfectly normal in that persons brain doesn't really do much to assure me of my personal safety. But that's a little different from an old couple in your cafe.

The reality is, making a scene with a customer could get you in trouble at work, and you probably won't change these people's minds one little bit.

It might make you angry or sometimes it might be scary, but you can't always fight.

To make myself feel better about the times when I have to let things slide, I just press harder in other areas. I educate as many people as I possibly can about LGBT issues as they relate to family, religion, politics, etc. I correct as many of the false notions I hear as I can. It's small, but some of the people you talk to about this stuff will spread it.

[pronua]

I hate when that kind of stuff happens. When I go my boys small group at my church, they sometimes make remarks like "gays shouldn't be allowed in church" and "im happy we don't allow gays in this group". I feel like crying because none of them know i'm gay.

[Sunsetting]

Originally Posted by pronua

I hate when that kind of stuff happens. When I go my boys small group at my church, they sometimes make remarks like "gays shouldn't be allowed in church" and "im happy we don't allow gays in this group". I feel like crying because none of them know i'm gay.

this upsets me very much and if i were their leader, i would not allow this kind of talk to continue. sorry for that

to OP - to continue, i'm sorry about this situation. the best is to not argue or even get caught up in our emotions. usually we get a point across better when we can rationally address issues, but if you feel heated, especially at work, don't let their perspective control how you feel and don't address it at all lol. if it says anything, i think you did a good job dealing with it and you're ok in my book

Originally Posted by kris burns

I am working at a coffee shop and there is this old couple sitting on a nearby table talking to a young Chinese student about bible and christianity and all that. And suddenly the topic turned to gay people and this woman keeps saying, "we don't judge them, we just show them what God said". I am trying not to listen but I am getting angry and I feel like going to them and having an argument. Has this happened to you? What did you do in this situation?

did they also mention the part where God said don't be a judgmental asshole cuz all ppl are sinners and that its god's job to judge, not man? most believers skip that part.

---------- Post added 28th Jan 2012 at 01:22 PM ----------

Originally Posted by kris burns

What did you do in this situation?

piss in their coffee next time

[HantsBen]

I hear this quite a lot in the background, at work and college, I tend to just ignore it or will challenge it.

[Morphim]

I don't usually heart this sort of talk, because our school has an lgbt-friendly image and atmosphere and my friends don't mind lgbt. But there was this one time I was queueing at the small store near the bus stop near my school, and there were two guys behind me. One of them glanced at the tabloid next to the cashier and read the small header about Adam Lambert breaking up with his boyfriend and went all: "There you see again, gays in the headlines. That sort of thing isn't normal, I don't get why they have to flaunt it everywhere." I felt like I should have "defended my kin" but I didn't want to start a commotion so I let them be.

[thecat06]

I hear this kind of stuff sometimes, mostly from my neighbors. They know that I am bisexual, so whenever I am around they make remarks about me. I have learned to ignore them because all they are trying to do is start a fight with me, and I don't want to get in trouble. (they do it with all the people on my floor.) Sometimes I'll say something along the lines of what is people called you names or stuff like that, but then I drop it.

[midwestgirl89]

I'm really sorry that happened to you.

I have heard similar things before. I think the thing that sticks out the most to me was a comment at my college after a GSA event. We were in the cafeteria and some of our members came out via a microphone. I didn't come out but I supported my friends.

After the event I was in the coffee shop and overheard a guy saying that if he was in the cafeteria "those gays wouldn't have made it out alive. They'd be dead."

I was shocked. I felt threatened because I didn't know if he really thought LGBT students should die. I figure he was just "kidding around" but I didn't take it lightly. I was pretty scared tbh. Wtf man? Death? Not cool.

I told the leader of our GSA group who got me to tell the diversity department at my school. I gave them the name of the student who threatened death on LGBT students (he was a student at my high school so I knew his name). The diversity leader had a talk with him, he didn't get in trouble but he got info on how it isn't okay to threaten gay people.

[waitingfordawn]

Ugh, hate when this happens. I always hear it from older people who were from a different generation. Like, I was once standing around with my mom, uncle and sister. My sister and I were kind of off to the side while my mom handed my aunt's coat to my uncle, who put it on and made started to make fun of effeminate gay guys. :/ And then my mom said something about how she didn't mind gays, except she hated that bisexuality was trendy with girls. She said she saw nothing wrong with gay women, just that she didn't see why they had to experiment, since that's disgusting. She says stuff like that all the time about bisexual/gay women at her work, too. *sigh* I love my mom, but she's one of those people that thinks if a girl is gay she'll automatically hit on whoever's closest to her.

That time with both my mom and my uncle, though, made me furious. I had to turn and walk away because I couldn't say anything, and my sister sort of understood. I think that was around the time I was starting to come out to myself, which is why I was so mad.

[Tiny Catastrophe]

This happens all the time with my grandma. She's super catholic and she always makes comments about how homosexuality is against God and all this other stuff and it takes every ounce of self control I have to just sit there and listen to it. I try and tell her to be more open minded but I can only talk calmly for so long. I'm obviously not out to her and that would be the reason.

[Mad Man L]

Originally Posted by Tiny Catastrophe

This happens all the time with my grandma. She's super catholic and she always makes comments about how homosexuality is against God and all this other stuff and it takes every ounce of self control I have to just sit there and listen to it. I try and tell her to be more open minded but I can only talk calmly for so long. I'm obviously not out to her and that would be the reason.

Same thing here. She keeps going on about how it's 'disgusting'. But I'm closeted to my family, so I generally opt to shut up. But I don't take it to heart either. They're entitled to their view point, regardless of whether I believe in it or not.

[malachite]

I would have informed them at GOD didn't say anything about gays it in the book Leviticus.

Jesus DID say love thy neighbor, judge not lest ye be judged.

Plus if you're gonna say Leviti knew it all then anyone eatting at a red lobster is going to hell...


Proof that fundamentalists selectively quote the Bible

[Chouchou]

To the OP: If I were you, it would be really hard for me as well to resist giving that old couple a piece of my mind, given that I hate it when young, impressionable int'l. students are being proselytized and being turned into good little soldiers of God. I would chicken out, though because I also hate getting into confrontations. In that way, I wish I were like my mom, who's not afraid of talking to anyone.

Fortunately, I haven't ever been in that type of situation, but I don't see this lasting for much longer.

[Indiana Juno]

OP - I think your anger comes as a bit of an overreaction to what they were saying. They are people expressing a view that, while different from yours, doesn't villainize you in any way. It wasn't even said directly to you. She even said they don't judge gays. They don't view you as inferior or as a bogeyman. If her religious beliefs cause her to believe gay acts are sinful, I think she's being perfectly polite in communicating the idea without judgment or condescension.

Ponura- don't cry over jerks like these. Often youll find that those who verbally bash gays and pick on them, are hiding something themselves. The most blatantly homophobic ones are probably the gayest of the bunch. They say things like "gays shouldn't be allowed in church" or "I'm glad there are no gays here" claiming it's in the name of christianity.

That is the least Christian attitude to have. Christ himself openly proclaimed to associate with sinners because the sick need a doctor more than the healthy. What I'm saying is, if gays really are living in sin, it's a Christian's duty to love them regardless. Afterall, we're all sinners (even from a secular point of view that's true - we all make mistakes). Don't sweat it, Ponura. The ones who are outright hateful of gays aren't true Christians if they behave like that towards gays and they probably have a lot more to answer to the Big Guy Upstairs.

[Logan]

Originally Posted by pronua

I hate when that kind of stuff happens. When I go my boys small group at my church, they sometimes make remarks like "gays shouldn't be allowed in church" and "im happy we don't allow gays in this group". I feel like crying because none of them know i'm gay.

When my parents made me go to church, I came out loud and proud, and they accepted me. I guess I am just lucky.

And of coarse this has happened to me. I was with my dad one time and this guy behind us said that all wiccans were lesbian feminist Satan worshippers who wounld burn in hell. I was going to say something, but my dad didn't want me to, so I didn't out of respect for him.

[shfh]

After I figured out I was gay and before I told anyone, everytime I heard anything even slightly homophobic I got very nervous and resolved to stay in my closet. After I came out to some people, I found homophobic comments even more scary. It's like now I won't be able to deny it anymore and I found such comments very hurtful.

I hear a lot of times that we have to be understanding to how they feel and be forgiving and behave like these comments don't hurt. I agree that we have to conduct ourselves in an acceptable manner and I do try to be understand why they think this way. But sometimes I feel like it's so unfair that we have to be the one to be so understanding and careful when some people are not willing to give that same opportunity to us. I don't want to confront anyone or make a scene or teach anyone a hard lesson. I just wish they could exercise a little compassion of their own to try to understand.