Is homosexuality an easy option?

[robd45]

Just an interested psychology question- not an indictment.
I wondered (as a straight guy), if making a decision to adopt a homosexual lifestyle could be a result of a need to relieve oneself of the daily 'pressure' of representing one's gender stereotype?

If the male gender stereotype is 'yang' (hard, masculine, dark), bringing with it pressure to dominate, hunt and provide, do people under such pressure, decide from a young age to 'get off the merry-go-round' and adopt a 'yin' stance, (associated with light, feminine and soft), with a view to being subservient, nurturing and being provided for, by a more dominant person?

Could this decision override the other pressures in life such as prejudice and contempt and therefore provide a more suitable and possibly 'easier' option?

Genuinely open-minded answers required. Ta.

[Chip]

Keep in mind that no one "makes a decision to adopt a homosexual lifestyle" any more than one "makes a decision" to be 5 feet tall, or have feet that fit size 10 shoes. It's predetermined biology that cannot be changed.

Therefore, any discussion of overriding pressures or anything else is simply nonsensical.

I know of no one who simply went "Oh, I'm gay. Now I don't have to worry about _____________________". For most people it was a traumatic experience, filled with denial and self-hate and a lot of anguish.

For a very few it just went "Oh! I guess I'm gay. OK." but that is very unusual and only in environments where they were surrounded by people that were extremely gay-affirming. And even in those situations, it is still not easy to tell those around you, even when you're confident they will be OK with it.

[Bedroom Hymns]

Em, kinda implying homosexuality might be a choice?

[maverick]

No, it's not an option at all. You have the option of having gay sex, you don't have the option of being attracted to the same sex.

And even if it was a choice, it wouldn't be the easier one.

[alex7song]

It's not exactly a decision whether you are gay or not....gender stereotypes don't have anything to do with being gay. If a person acts upon a different gender stereotype, that doesn't mean that their sexual orientation changes.

The thing is, the reason the argument "born this way" exists is because of who a person is. Those feelings that one has as a straight person as far as sexual attraction are generally taken for granted somewhat. There are many testimonies from gay people that they always felt different when we were younger. That was because we developed sexually very differently. Its all basically one big game of paradigm shifts. If those who propagate the idea of "choice" could see what we mean, then they would understand why we say "born this way".

Sorry, I kinda went off topic because I wanted to make that point about born this way vs. choice.

On to your question. I don't think anyone would want that prejudice and contempt. Nearly every couple days now I see a heartbreaking story of another gay teen committing suicide because of that same prejudice and contempt. It is definitely not more suitable in my opinion to have three times the suicide rate of the general population. I don't think it is easier in any way. I think plenty of us would say that if we were born straight, our lives would be infinitely easier. I'm sure some of us would go as far to say that they would rather have been born straight, including myself. Also, even by looking at the community here at EC, you can tell that the LGTBQ community is one of the most varied in the world. Because of that, the idea of gender stereotypes should not apply here. Yes, I do admit that there are stereotypes for gay people such as the "yin" stereotype, which I do fulfill. Again, just by looking at the community, a stereotype would not be able to describe it.

It truthfully just comes right back to the "born this way" argument. I tried for many years to act masculine so that people would stop writing "(Name) likes boys" in all my school stuff. After coming to high school (a much more caring and accepting environment for me) I decided to stop hiding who I was. It wasn't so much as I adopted a different stereotype, it was more that I decided to stop hiding behind a hyper-masculine stereotype.

[Sunsetting]

though feelings are not an 'option', what we do with them is. and though there is no genetic conclusive proof that for homosexuality, and i stress the word conclusive. i would like to echo what others have said, that people would not "choose" the anguish that many have experienced in the lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender community integrating with family or the culture at large.

[Lexington]

Could it, for some human being out there? I suppose. I'm sure there are people out there who shun chocolate because they had toilet training/fecal issues, and people who make their bed every morning because their parents beat them when they were children if they didn't. But I hardly think they account for much a percentage of the whole.

I'm gay. But I still like sports and rock music and other rather "yang" things. I won't say I dislike cuddling, but I'm not much for being coddled or "taken care of". Maybe I'm the exception that proves the rule, or maybe I'm just fiercely in denial about who I really am, but I don't see much evidence for your hypothesis.

Lex

[jargon]

I'll try to answer this as a psych question since I'm a psych major and all.

If I read you right, you weren't trying to imply that homosexuality is a choice, but that its something certain people unconsciously adopt at an early age (I'm guessing you were thinking pre-puberty, but I could be wrong).

There are a few reasons I can see for finding this believable, but a lot more that say it probably isn't true. The one that seems most improtant to me is this: your theory would require that children who eventually become gay have some sort of major difference in their upbringing or development compared with straight kids which would cause them to buckle under the pressure of masculinity.

Freud's theory on homosexuality is vaguely reminescent of what your saying here (though admittedly a lot more convoluted), and as with all of his theories, has been widely tested in the days since psychological theory has come to be more researched driven than it was then. Decades of research have gone into trying to prove that homosexuals are somehow treated differently as children in a way that produces homosexuality, and none of these findings shown conclusively that gay people were raised in a different sort of environment than straight people - even just on average.

Bottom line: if it isn't the environment a person was raised in, its the genes (possibily interacting with some other biological factors), and for this to make sense the environment has to play some kind of a major role in homosexuality.

robd, there is some evidence that the so-called stereotypes have a biological anticedent. Read this article, and you'll see there really is no "gender-role" choice, but perhaps more accurately described as pathways or tendencies towards homosexuality in humans:

The Science of Gaydar - New Research on Everything From Voice Pitch to Hair Whorl -- New York Magazine

[midwestgirl89]

Well first off, I don't think it's a choice. I know that most people if given the option would have chosen at a young age to be straight. Because it's hard to come to terms with one's sexuality.

I don't think it's an easy option either (I wouldn't consider it an option btw). It's just who you are.

But more on your other question, I don't think (if one could choose) that choosing a less masculine way of life is a way to live easier or with less pressure/prejudice. Femininity within males (in general) has been seen as bad and even within the gay community "more feminine" men face a lot of discrimination and hate. It's a sad reality. I'm not a psychology major but I'm a sociology major. We study prejudice and norms so I hope that can help.

Men are expected to be unemotional, strong, "masculine", and reliable. The expectation is the same for all men, regardless. So that means when a man (because not all men that are "more feminine" are gay) acts against gender norms, he will be treated with prejudice and/or looked at with disdain.

If breaking gender norms was seen as a good thing, the hypothesis given might have some backing. But usually, those who break norms are treated like second-class citizens.

Gender and sexuality aren't the same though. There are straight men that break gender norms.

Personally, I think being gay can be really hard and isn't an easy "option" at all. It takes years to come to terms w/ and accept yourself. And then coming out is a whole other monster to tackle.

[thedreamwatch]

Okay, ignoring the fact that being gay isn't really an active choice...Is it easier?

Not really.

I see what you're saying. Yeah, normal gender roles are a lot of pressure. But you don't get out of that by being gay. We live in a world where straight, cisgendered people who act out their gender roles to the T are supposed to be the norm. The pressure is felt by anyone who isn't perfectly that.

[Tiny Catastrophe]

Like everyone else said it's not a choice. If it was a think a lot of people would choose to be straight. It's definitely not easier.

[waitingfordawn]

What an odd question...

First of all, gender /=/ sexuality. I think gender and sexuality are a lot more fluid than you give them credit for. Neither are fixed 100%.

Moreover... how is being gay a choice? I certainly don't believe in the flimsy and apologetic "born this way" argument nor in any kind of biological destiny, since it accounts for nothing that happens after birth, and that seems very, very reductive. I think it's our interaction with the world that shapes our experience, and to this end, shapes our sexuality; we develop a romantic sexual preference over time as we act, react and interact with the world. And... I think it's really, really freaking hard to accept that you're gay. It's certainly much harder than being straight. Personally, accepting that I am this way is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, if not the hardest thing, since I'm not done accepting it quite yet.

[Chouchou]

Given that how gender and sexual preferences are developed is not really well understood, indeed there may be no gay gene, a pattern of gene expression, or genetic markers. A couple of things are for sure, however: they are definitely not conscious choices for the vast majority. Even if they are conscious choices, as in the case of Cynthia Nixon with regard to her sexual preferences, they are most certainly NOT easy options.

[AllthatIknew]

I see your point with the stereotype pressures yet from a young age I've always felt no problem upholding such pressures that came with masculinity(i would say i'm easily straight acting just naturally) but no matter how hard I tried I could not find interest in the same things as my guy friends (mostly girls), I fit in well but I could always tell others were into the moments a lot more than I was. It's more like a part of your life that is impossible to ignore if you're seeking true happiness, honesty and openness with those you care about. Although I'm not yet out myself I anticipate It will not be much longer as I wish to be completely content with who I am

[shfh]

I don`t know if I am trying to think of the question a slightly different way. It is an interesting question, even though it is a little strange.

Gay people don`t choose to be attracted to the same gender the same way straight people don`t choose to be attracted to the opposite gender. But I do believe that we all have a "choice" in how we decide to live our lives. The "choice" to lead a homosexual lifestyle or a heterosexual lifestyle for both gay and straight people leans towards one side or another based on a variety of factors. Certainly sexual preference is a huge part of that decision to lead a homosexual lifestyle. Sometimes family, environment, religious, social and even law makes the gay person feel that having a straight lifestyle would be better than being gay. I know I tried with everything I got to be straight for a long time and I guess some people even try their whole lives trying to be straight. But in the end, trying to be something you just arn't is miserable and brings nothing but pain and suffering (though some people choose this path becuase they feel it is better for them).

So, Is it easier to "be" homosexual? I guess it would depend on what the person thinks is "easier". I think for most (excluding the few lucky ones) coming to terms with homosexuality is a long and gruelling process. That's even before starting to come out to the people around you and dealing with snide hateful remarks from other people.


For me, I choose being who I am was worth more for me than the potential prejudice and fallout with friend and family.

I guess on a side note. A heterosexual individual could "choose" to lead a homosexual lifestyle. But the straight person would miss out on sooooo many great opposite-sex relationships.

[Shades of Gray]

Just a tip, for future reference - people in biological minorities (be this to do with sexual orientation, gender expression, race, social disposition, etc.) absolutely hate being told that they "adopted a lifestyle." Though I'm guessing you already noted that point .

As everyone else said, this implies that such is a choice - which is not in any way true - the vast majority of research on the topic strongly suggests, if not outright states, that homosexuality has biological, genetic, and/or hormonal origins (it's likely a combination of the three). I'd like you to consider some basely logical reasons as to why such is not a choice, however - I have endured a lifetime of major anxiety issues, extremely depressive thought patterns, suicide considerations and attempts, and the potential ostracism of my best friends (haven't come out to them yet), because of my sexual orientation (and I am but one of many). Trust me, if I had a choice, there's no way in hell that I'd have chosen this. Frankly, the presumption that I have is offensive.

But on, more so, to your topic:
In the strictly biological sense, there really can be no correlation between LGB persons and gender variance (I exclude transgendered persons as their very nature is gender variance) - the areas of the brain governing sexual orientation and natural inclination of gender expression are separate. Straight women and men can quite normally be "butch" and "femme," respectively, and gay women and men can quite normally be "femme" and "butch," respectively (heck, I know of many such stereotype-defying people personally). However, there are a few (wholly theoretical) scenarios in which I could see how being of a LGB orientation could, through interaction with one's environment, increase the possibility of gender variance:

- LGB persons, as far as being able to relate with others about their sexual orientations, typically grow up in complete isolation. Very rarely do we have close relative to console with, and while there are usually peers around us going through the same thing, they are often in hiding as well. This leaves the majority of persons with only two models: spoken stereotypes and media. It seems conceivable, then, that a gay teen male that has, say, a slight internal inclination toward femininity, could see those stereotypes and think to himself, "You know what, screw what the world thinks - I'm going be myself," and so adopts an overtly "femme" persona as a means of liberation in expression (this proposition is could be viewed as bunk, however, when one considers that "femme" gay males often bare the brunt of bullying against gay men; I also know of a "femme" guy from high school who had absolutely always been that way, and certainly did not "adopt" his gender expression). Likewise, one could also see how a closeted gay teen could recognize the association, in stereotype, between gender variance and homosexuality, and do everything in his power to avoid acting in such a way to raise suspicion (only seeking to "be themselves" after coming out, then).

- Another theory is, given that homosexuality is a seemingly biologically determined trait, that perhaps a young, eventually to-be gay child, could be subconsciously aware of their attraction to the same sex (not sexually attracted, at this point - but perhaps physically and/or emotionally). This subconscious sense could then presumably give way to certain opposite-gender tendencies in expression, which could over time become ingrained as a more permanent personality. Now, I'm wary of this theory as I don't know a whole lot about development psychology and the potential levels of awareness of attraction to one sex or another.

- Again, don't know much about this subject - but if I understand correctly, one of the potential cited causes of homosexuality was abnormal levels of exposure to prenatal sex hormones (testosterone, estrogen, progesterone). Such could slightly alter brain structure and could could conceivably account for the seemingly higher level of gender variance in LGB persons.

And wow did that wound up being longer than expected. Sorry about that .

[Aiden97531]

well i don't homosexuality is something we can choose nor is it an action of free choice. let me put it in this cliche " we were born this way".

[Eleanor Rigby]

If homosexuality was an easy option, or an option at all, places like EC wouldn't exist
because nobody would need it.
As for your explanation of masculinity being the yang and femininity being the yin, this is just a plain (and stupid) stereotype. I know plenty of (straight) men who don't match with the "hard, dark, dominant, hunting type" man and plenty of (straight) women who don't match with the "light, pretty, soft girl" type either and would kick your ass for just daring thinking of them this way.
Cavemen times are over buddy... welcome to civilization.

[Pinstripe]

As a bisexual woman, I guess you could say that I have the choice to act straight or gay- to be with a man or a woman, at least. But despite who I happened to be sleeping with at the time, it wouldn't change how I acted as a person. I'm not going to act more feminine with a man or more masculine with a woman just because I feel like I should. I'm comfortable in my gender either way.

As far as which one is "easier," your question was directed more towards gay men, or men adopting a female gender role, but I can say with confidence that being straight is easier. That's the sole reason it took me so long to accept my bisexuality- because even if I had feelings for women, I figured I could always take the easy way out and act straight.

Finally, I'm confused by the fact that you think that being the pressures of fulfilling a female gender role are "easier" than a male one. Men are expected to be providers, sure, but even that is changing as more couples share the workload. And women have a lot of pressures on them- from their appearance to being expected to bear children, while still being made to feel that in some ways they are inferior to men. I think it's easy for a woman to feel a lack of control in her life. Statistically, women are more prone to depression. I'm not suggesting that all men treat women this way, but just like there's such a thing as white privilege, there's such a thing as male privilege.