Effeminate guys...where's the love?

I'll go ahead and put it out there that I'm not into feminine guys....

That being said, I don't hate them. My sexual preference doesn't define who I am. I still have some trouble convincing people I'm gay even though I'm totally out. It's a personal thing. Some of us like doing "straight" things and some of us are more "out" there in the way we act. I don't treat either differently.

I wont say my boyfriend is femme, but we have different interests in things. I hate shopping and he loves going through stores looking at the latest fashions. IMHO, it doesn't make a difference.

Not saying AT ALL this is the reason I act 'masculine', but I admire for effeminate guys who put themselves out there because they definitely take more verbal abuse than masculine guys....if you're "femme", keep on keepin' on, because you're strength is amazing <3

 

You got me, OP. I love feminine guys...so soft and cuddly and sweet. Also so sexy and cute at the same time! There's something curiously exotic about a guy who exudes femininity. <3

 

I'm pretty indifferent to the femininity/masculinity issue. While I tend to be attracted to masculine guys, I find a guy way more appealing if I know or suspect that he's gay, and since I get that vibe from effeminate guys, femininity has its appeal, too.

As for the backlash, I think it is partly motivated by the idea that the way to end homophobia is to show straight people that we're just like them. Feminine gays, so the thinking goes, hurt that goal because they're different. That's why I think "We're people too!" is a better rallying cry than "We're just like you!"

 

Hey, I think femme guys are cute; just not..dateable...

*braces for barrage of rotten tomatoes*

No really, I do think effeminate guys are really, really cute - but just don't think our personalities would mesh at all.

 

I like feminine, 'regular' and masculine guys. They all have traits that I find attractive.

In terms of personality I prefer it if they lean towards the feminine side rather than the macho shit-kicker attitude side... but a multi faceted personality that can't be summed up in such simplistic terms is much better.

 

I love effeminate guys myself, and I am not very effeminate myself. I don't know why some guys are afraid of effeminate guys, or think its a bad thing. To me, its just a person expressing who they are, just like anyone might be a funny commedian, or who exhibits other things. These traits are the things I love about being among different people, everyone has something unique to offer. And, for me, the effeminate guys have a lot to offer for me.

One of the funny thing's that bothers me is one time, I was dating an effeminate guy and we got along great. He used to tell me I was "straight acting" and it drove me crazy, because I wasn't acting at all. I am just me. I like lots of different things, and exhibit lots of different traits that fit lots of different kinds of personalities. And I'm fine with that.

I guess its easy for people to see some characteristics in people, and think they are acting, and be put off by it, when really, its just a person being who they are, and there's nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

 

Like a couple of people have said already, I don't hate effeminate guys. I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to them because that's my own personal preference, but that doesn't mean I hate 'em. I have nothing against effeminate men.

 

I agree with what Owen has said. For me, I'm not bothered by whether the guy is masculine or feminine, it's mainly their personality which determines whether I'm attracted to them.

 

The reason there's backlash again effeminate guys, even in the gay community, is because it's socially unacceptable for men to exhibit feminine traits. Femininity is perceived as weak and masculinity is perceived as strength; men are supposed to be strong, not weak, according to societal norms. So when men are effeminate, of course there's going to be backlash; that's not how men are supposed to be according to those norms and thus effeminate gay guys are ostracized for it. It sucks, and I observe this stuff all the time, even in the gay community. I can't count on my fingers the number of times I've overheard a masculine gay man say something disparaging about effeminate men--"Well, at least I don't have the [gay] accent" for example. It's really unfortunate that masculinity and femininity is something people--in this case, men--have to adhere to so strictly to be socially acceptable.

 

i am seriously about personality. i have introduced masculine and feminine guys to my mom (her not knowing that i was interested). i thought they were all cool and it took an outside eye from my mom to say, 'you know he is very feminine'... who knew...??? lol

taking it one step further, why is gentle considered feminine? being simply gentle is what we've (society) has labeled as feminine.

what i do find difficult is someone who is domineering whether masculine or feminine. but again, that's personality, not femininity/masculinity

 

My problem is not with guys that are feminine- I am, in many ways... despite people still thinking I'm pulling their leg when they find out. Anyhow, what I am going to get at is when people are living for the stereotype. Like many people say, they are not "stereotypically" gay... that means that they know what the stereotype is, and often times it's when a guy is girly and has a lisp and all of that good jazz, right? So, it's when people make the lisp, or dislike being girly but act that way to fit in that it annoys me beyond belief. But, that is just my take.

 

There's lots of homophobia and obsession with gender boundaries even from gay people. It makes people feel better about themselves. They think at least I'm normal, I'm not that kind of gay.

I like feminine guys. I am a little on the effeminate side too.

 

I personally have never understood the hate, and it has to be one of the things that gets on my nerves more than anything in this world and i am one of the gay guys a number of people don't recognize as gay without me telling them.

It's really sad to see people ostracize an entire part of our community because they have some stereotype around feminine gay men. That they are bitchy, or not into masculine things, or they are making it up to fit in… Most of the people in that mind set really have never taken the time to get to know feminine gay men and if they have they have taken their assessment of a few or one and thrown it onto all the others and its very disappointing to see. In reality "feminine" acting gay men can be into all sorts of "masculine" things (i've met many) and they can also just be awesome when they are into "feminine" things (i've met some really awesome femm guys that i was into).

As for the "femms are acting to fit in" thing, i personally just don't understand why
1) If they are acting why is it such an issue, who the fuck decided feminine < Masculine
2) why would anyone would subject themselves to so much bullshit from gay and straight people alike on purpose. Femininity is just a way some people express themselves and are comfortable being and it is totally natural to them.

People just need to stop talking the talk and actually start being good people who are willing to get to know someone and judge them by the content of their character on a case to case basis rather than by their preconceived notions, assessments, and stereotypes they have developed to decide what people are better than others.

 

I'll love who I fall in love with. And if he happens to be effeminate I don't see why not. I'm not normally attracted to them but I'd never repel an advance.

However regardless of their femininity or masculinity if they are a dick or just suck personality wise I will not go there.

 

For me, I like rather average guys. I'm not against masculine or feminine guys, they just don't usually attract me much. I think a lot of that falls to the fact that well, I'm usually not one to pick anything that's on one extreme of the spectrum. I'm a pretty middle-ground guy typically.

 

I understand the hate...because I had it. Mind you, I don't think everybody who isn't into effeminate guys (or even actively dislikes them) is going though what I went through, but I think it's not an uncommon thought process. And it's rather nebulous - it's not just one thing or thought, but a lot of them that sort of run into each other.

* "Those femmy guys are just putting on an act. I'M not really like that, so THEY'RE not really like that. They're just acting."
* "Femmy guys are the reason straight people hate gays. If they would just act NORMAL - like ME - there wouldn't BE any homophobia."
* "Maybe *I* really would act like that if I let myself be myself."
* "They're living their life the way they want, and I'm not."

It took me a couple years, and a couple really patient friends, to get me over those feelings.

Lex

 

I think the terms 'masculine' and 'feminine' are too narrow to fully describe a person. So much of it is so based on appearances and first impressions, plus I think that the core of a person is 'genderless'. I mean, who really initially decided that 'nurturing' was a feminine trait and 'bravery' was a masculine trait? They're absolutely equal to each other, and they're both lovely traits to have in a person; so why is it important that one person has such and such personality trait; and that said trait is perfect relation to their genitals and gender?

I also think that the whole disliking based on feminine appearance is a little odd. Pink is just a color. Some peoples hair actually needs more work to not be disgusting. You can't control the pitch of your voice. There are 'masculine' drama queens and neat freaks as well, trust me.

Keep in mind that I'm not talking about 'dating preferences'. If there is one or more traits that you absolutely cannot stand it's probably better to avoid people with those traits. But at the same time I've noticed that the people who are dead set against ever dating anybody who has even a 'drop' of feminine in them usually end up with exactly that kind of person, or accidentally offending someone really awesome and 'feminine' who isn't as open about it.

Or maybe that's just me be superstitious again? I don't know, just don't think people live on a straight spectrum, that's all. *shrug*

 

I'm where Lex was (mostly his fourth point) and is relatively ashamed of it, but what can I do. I'm trying to be less biased but the fact that I won't be out of the closet anytime soon has deemed that there are better things for me to be thinking about. I'm sure I'll find effeminate guys more attractive as I learn to be more open, but for now it's hard. I like being around them though, because they flirt with me...which gives me a shit load of hope for when I finally have the courage to date.

The guys I have had crushes on are not all that masculine. My greatest crush was a germaphobe, had very soft hands (skin), was sensitive (cries at movies), loved Dawson's Creek and was very skinny (he also likes to flirt with dudes). The crush started when the dude grabbed my hand...it was the softest hand I've ever felt --- totally pulled my heart strings!

So I guess I show signs of not caring about that yin/yang crap... with that said, dudes that wear girly clothes are big turn-offs though (Metro, yes - HOT PANTS, NO).