History of a Straight Crossdresser?

[ahayzee]

So, I have been dressing since I was like in the third or fourth grade. I don't know when i first started, but I do remember rushing home from school before my sister got home so I could wear my mothers underwear. It was so soft, silky and very much a "turn on". That being said, I didn't know what a "turn on" was back then; I never even "came" up to that point, but I do remember masturbating and feeling what I now know as an orgasm. I had been dressing for months nearly every day, but I remember the first day I actually came; I was kind of scared because I didn't know what it was. After that, I was hooked for sure! So I am in my 30s now and have quite a collection of feminine clothing; all is hidden from my wife. Although, recently I told her I like wearing women's underwear because it is soft and silky...gotta break her in slow to this I guess.

Anyway, so when i dress, I fantasize about being with men. In fact, I have been with one man, but only of my giving a BJ. I enjoyed it thoroughly and have often considered wanting to do more for a man as well as letting a man do to me these things. However, I do not look at any man and say "he's hot" or "he's good looking", men don't do anything for me at all. The ideal situation would be the shemale...a beautiful female body with a functional man-part. Now let me say, I love women! I love the female form, the things females do on a regular basis (mains,pedis,shopping, etc.), and most of all I love the female lady-parts...love them! I could never give them up.

So I don't know what to think of myself. Am I gay, bi, straight with man-parts fetish, straight but curious...IDK. I would love to hear your thoughts to help me figure out who i am.

Toodles,

Alexis