Hindsight is 20/20...

[Olive]

That being said, how many of you showed signs early on of being gay/trans? I've known I was trans for nearly a year now, but every once in a while I remember something from my childhood that I hid away for fear of being ridiculed.

• Pokemon - I always wanted to be the girl character in every game I played, but didn't because my brother and cousin would make fun of me for it
• Kim Possible - In the episode where Ron and Kim switch bodies, I'd always feel weird about it, but it was one of my favorite episodes
• I used to steal my moms underwear, back when I was 3-4, because it'd make me feel funny. Now, I'd liken that feeling to arousal, but I didn't even know what I was supposed to have my privates for, let alone the fact that I didn't hit puberty until a few months before I realized I was trans
• When I was 12, my little sister got a princess dress for Christmas. Every one of my siblings tried it on, including me. I felt those same feelings again, but sadly I passed it off as arousal, as I had already discovered masturbation.
• My cousin told me that when I was younger I was extremely feminine, although he said it as a sort of a joke/put down. He's homophobic, as far as I remember, but I still don't know how he'd react to a close family member being on that side of the border.

So what about you? Did anyone else have some 'Duh' moments?

[Chouchou]

Interest in traditionally masculine stuff:

• Played in the dirt & mud quite a bit as a very young child, getting my (often) new clothing filthy
• Loved video games
• If I had my choice, I wore shorts, pants, t-shirts rather than "girly" clothes
• Never cared much for long hair, and typically used as little effort as possible on it
• Always wanted a radio-controlled car
• Wanted to be an FBI agent (still do)
• Briefly wanted to be an astrophysicist

Crushes on other girls:

• Cried in the car over a girl I liked in my elementary school
• Had a crush on a female assistant band teacher in middle school
• Had a crush in high school on the girl who was the valedictorian of her class (two years ahead of mine)
  • I remember being really shy and anxious about approaching her to sign my yearbook. I ended up writing something really stupid on hers.
  • We corresponded by email for a while, but I guess it got too awkward, because she quit responding
• Had a crush on my RA in Governor's School
• Had a crush on a student in one of my classes in college (She also happened to sit next to me, and be in my group in that class)

[Shades of Gray]

Well, the only "duh" moment was when, as a young kid (maybe ages 7-9 or so, until I realized what "gay" meant and went mute on the subject of guys..), I would argue with my mother and sister about how much more attractive "such and such" male celebrity was compared to "such and such" male celebrity (I had to say something - claiming that George Clooney was more attractive than Brad Pitt! Delusional..).

Other than that (which somehow didn't tip my family off at all), I really didn't give any stereotypical "indicators." Sure, there was the occasional thing, such as my complete lack of interest in sports (which I actually enjoy now, oddly) and dislike of cars, or anything mechanical (nope, that one didn't change..). But I don't know if that really counts - all but one of my friends were the same way, and they are all quite straight.

[shfh]

funny ... this is something I think about a lot when I "discovered" myself...

- When I was a kid, I remember my mom trying to teach me to walk more like a girl and less like a boy ... I didn't even know there was a boy or girl walk

- Loved my short hair until kids in first grade made fun of me for looking too much like a boy ... and I had long hair ever since. (plans are underway for serious trimming)

- Played every sport I could get my hands on ... ironically everything except softball

- I loved my volleyball coach, she was great. I realized now thinking back, she was a lesbian. But I joined my other team members in hating her and the only reason my teammates hated her was because she was a "dyke". (I was a spineless coward ) That was also the first time I learned what "dyke" was and why liking other girls is "bad".

- I think the biggest "light bulb" moment afterwards really is when I realized why I never felt like I fit in and always feeling like the person outside looking in. I had lots of friends, was never singled out or bullied in highschool, but I still felt very alone.

...

I guess after 20 years being in the closet, there are a LOT of "really?!? How could I not have known" moments.