so i felt the need to start writing out of no where...

Hey there, I noticed this thread had a lot of views but no replies, and although I am just a few days old here, I already know how frustrating that can be.
I dabble in writing myself and so I've come to offer some thoughts and advice, be it good, bad, or otherwise.

Your story starts with a bang. You've done well to ensure you hook your readers - mystery and suspense always good ways to accomplish that. Based on what I just read, I am going to assume you have some sort of storyline already in mind, and so that being said, content wise, you are not off to a bad start.

The problem lies in how you deliver that content. Your storytelling technique is somewhat lackluster - not entirely bad, but not excellent either. I guess the best way to put it is that, your writing lacks maturity. This doesn't mean that you yourself lack maturity. Just that perhaps, you are new to the writing game. Like anything in life, the more you write, the better you'll get at this.

This is not meant to be an insult in anyway. Just my honest opinion to help you grow as a writer. You need to watch how you are setting up scenes. The descriptive words you use can make all the difference, so choose wisely.

For example: "I had reached the door and I sluggishly opened the door." - This sentence is clumsy. Problem 1 is that it is too repetitive. Instead of using the word, "door" twice, you may look for another way to say it. Problem 2 - "Sluggishly" doesn't seem like the right fit. You may want to choose another adverb there.

I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of reworking the first few thoughts in your story. It is far from perfect, as I did it in about 2 seconds. But I just wanted to give you a little bit of an example to go with what I've said here.

So here is what I changed...

"It was unusually dark that night, and cold. Colder than usual for that time of year. My heart was tight in my chest as I crept slowly down the alley, careful to watch my step. The flickering moonlight caused shadows to dance on the narrow walls. Shadows, warning me to turn back. Somehow I knew though, without really knowing at all, that every step I took forward was a step I could never take back."

Again, far from perfect. But hopefully you can see what I mean.

All in all, I say if you don't like what I have to say, then by all means, tell me to shove it! Writing is an incredible way of expressing yourself and if you love to do it, do it, regardless of the opinions of others. Be proud of every little thing you do and write. And no matter what, keep on doing it! Don't get discouraged. Take every little bit of criticism that is thrown your way and run with it. You will grow, not only as a writer, but as a person.

Goood luck!! Hope I have been at least a wee bit helpful.

 

I think your story is great. I like the suspense.

 

Glad I could help a bit! I don't have anything else to add at the moment but if after you've reworked it or written more, you'd like some more feedback, I'd be happy to be of service.

 

Brilliant! I'm hooked and want to know what the hell is going on here! It would be awesome if you continued it. I love the dark/mysteriousity of it

I would only change the repetitiveness and wording a little, not the style you wrote it in though. Like this;

Looking ahead I saw a large door that was covered in what looked like blood. The blood was trickling down its frame and onto the street.
I started pacing toward the crimson door.
I reached for the handle and I fearfully opened it.
~

Out of nowhere a beam of light shot out of the ceiling that shown so bright I thought my eyes were going to melt right out of their sockets.


Just small tweaks that's all otherwise, bravo :eusa_clap

 

I like it a lot; it is very descriptive. The one thing I would reccommend would be to make sure you don't overuse interesting verbs and adverbs. Whilst they are great for description and setting a scene, they can distract a reader from what is happening. Also, what is the thunderous sound? Keep going – I want to know what happens next.

If you find yourself down on motivation and not being able to get very far, then you could try NaNoWriMo, a challange done by thousands to write a 50,000 word draft of a novel in one month. The next time the challange is officially running is in June.

 

Hi. Im also working on my own series, so if you're serious about writing i would love to help .

So sinse this is the first draft it is expected to be alittle "rough". The idea is to get down all your ideas and structure the best way you can, then come back later and add better descriptive words and such. But as of now it is very interesting and suspenseful. Sense this seems to be a mystery/thiller, first person point of view is a wise choice. Though i did notice one issue 90% of begining writers make. After your first sentence it is made clear to the reader that this story will be told in first person and that ever action/thought will be solely the main character's. Since we know this, it becomes alittle annoying to read "i" and "my" too often. So its important to reduce using these pronouns to keep the reader drawn in.

Heres a example of how i would change the first two sentences.

"I started walking down a narrow ally towards what seemed to be a pathway to hell. Every step felt as though it brought me closer to my doom."

Now i did move where "hell/my doom" was but you can put it however your like. The point is, in those sentences you said what you formerly said using 4 "I"s, but now only using "i" once. It helps immerse the reader so they feel like they are taking these steps with the main character.

One more thing. When writing in third person, you can break away from the story and give all the background information you want. In first person, however, you have to learn how to incorporate any information the reader should know into the main characters thoughs. So heres a example. When you say "As I stood there thinking about how I got to this point to where there was no way out of this entire situation." this is a perfect spot for the main character to think about their life before all this happened. So for the next few paragraphs(or even a page or two) give the reader some background information. Like "How does someone like me find themselves wandering aimlessly down some filthy ally at two o'clock in the morning. I woke up today thinking this would be just like any other day of my regular life." Then go on to talk about the characters regular life and, briefly, what happened that day up until that point, and then tie it in with what these "murders" are.

Anyway those were the only things that stood out to me so i hope i helped . But dont forget this is only the first draft so it doesnt have to be anything fancy. If you try to get it published, your will editor that will go over this stuff with you. The important thing is to write what you think would be awsome to read lol. If i had to give a last word of advice, it would be PLAN. Plan till you cant plan anymore, becuase a story will almost never make any sense if it wasnt planned before it was written. If you have any other questions id love to help