Don't You Hate When You Say Something You Didn't Mean to Say (Rant)

:bang: Talk about that awkward moment when...

My fucking goodness. I hate when I say something that I know is taken in the wrong context and there is just nothing I can say in the moment to fix it and then 5 hours later, I'm like "why didn't I just say this instead or better yet have not said anything at all." Jeez, fuck my fucking life.

Okay this is what happened. My best friend's boyfriend said "just remember who won" to me when me and my friend were talking about how close we are. Now I didn't let her know because I don't want drama with my best friend and her boyfriend, that always seemed stupid to me. But I was really pissed about that. I ranted about on EC already. Anyway, it's been a while since that happened and I was over it, whatever, but every once in a while I would bring it up as a joke. Remember that, I bring it up as a joke.

Sooo, I'm talking to my friend last night and I'm trying to get off the phone with her, she wouldn't let me go. So then I say, jokingly "See this is how I get comments like "just remember who won" it's not even my fault, I'm trying to get rid of her and she won't go away, she's clinging to me" or something to that affect. (This happened like hours ago and I can't even remember, shameful. :lol At first my friend is still joking with me and is whining, saying "you're trying to get rid of me," then I'm like "no, jeez, just get off the phone, I just don't want that to happen again," or something to that affect.

Then...then, then, then...my friend in a weird tone "Marvin doesn't see you as competition, like I seriously don't think he sees you as competition, *giggle*" and I immediately made a face at her tone because it was one those "yeah, keep dreaming" kind of tones and I felt like "well first of all bitch, I was just joking and second, happy to know it, didn't really care if he did, he said that shit to me not the other way around so tell him that." But of course I didn't say that, I had to go and make the situation worse.

Now I knew that as soon as these words left my mouth they were going to be misinterpreted so I stopped them, but that didn't help. I said "Whatever, I could still..." pause, wrong choice of words. I knew, I fucking knew she was gonna take it the wrong way. My friend laughs and is like "you were gonna say you could still take me or be competition" or some shit like that and I immediately said "no don't say that, that's not what I was going to say just get off the phone."

It's important to mention that her boyfriend was on Skype with us the whole time and I already don't like when she talks to both of us at the same time because of what happened before with the "who won" comment and just because it always gets a little awkward. I don't like feeling like that friend that's all in their friend's relationship. It's just ugh. I don't think that's cute. I don't mind if my friend wants to talk about certain things in her relationship with me, that's what friends do, but sometimes I just don't need to be there and I don't need to know what's going on with him or them. This I actually brought up to her, I let her know that she sometimes tells on her boyfriend to me like I'm his Mom or something. She tells me things he does expecting me to get irritated and have an negative opinion about him or whatever he did. I don't understand that. If whatever she's telling me is not directly related to her, then I really don't care. Why are you telling on him to me so I can get irritated sweetheart? I told her "that sounds like something that should irritate you." Then she says kinda disappointed "I know, but you always get irritated when I tell you stuff." I'll make a joke here and there, rant jokingly like busting his balls for a laugh, but actually irritated no. Then she says "you want me to stop telling you stuff about him then." Oh my damn, girl it is not that deep. I said "Nah, I'm just making you aware of the fact that you tell on him to me like I'm supposed to do something." We can have little relationship talks, just don't tell me every little thing he does and expect me to have an opinion about it because I won't. OH! And when he actually does do something jerky toward her she tells me just so I can get mad and she can agree with me, instead of her just getting mad. I don't like feeling like that friend that's in the girl's ear all the time, that's why I ask my friend "how do you feel about it? Don't just say I don't know or forget about it, then come tell me so I can do all the ranting, I'm not with the motherfucker." Well I don't say motherfucker and word it more softly than that, but that's how I feel like saying it a lot times. I see it like this: You tell him how you feel, not how I feel about it because then you look spineless and I look like a bully or someone who's just all in a motherfucker's relationship and shit and I'm just not that kind of person. I guess I'm just not filling out my girl friend role properly because I don't need a tweet by tweet update of every damn thing that's going on in my friend's relationship, serious or not. I'm here if you want to rant to me and then I just give my "uh huhs" and "yeah, I agrees," but all this having me jump to your protection over every little thing. Girl if he scared you by jumping out from behind the door on your ass, just hit him and call him an ass, don't whine to me about it, so I can call him an ass and then I'm ranting about it like it was me, sounding like a dumbass, and you're the one giving your "uh huhs" and "I agrees." No, don't like that. Who wants their best friend to be mad at their boyfriend all the damn time?

But anyway, that's kind of off topic. So after I asked her to stop saying that and just get off the phone, she says "Aww, you love me-" I'm like "calm down, it's not that deep that's not even what I was going to say. Goodnight." I really don't like when she talks like that because I don't need her or him thinking like that, I don't like it. Now she's whining and being all "but wait you don't love me?" Girl get the fuck on and talk to your damn boyfriend because now I just talked myself into a whole and I'm pissed. I don't need to listen to you talk to him about whatever the fuck, I will talk to you when I talk to you girl, it is not that deep, I'm not starved for your attention girl. She already know I'm not about to be up anybody's ass and she be trying (she be trying, ooh girl the Detroit is coming out of me :lol to play around with the idea that we both need her attention when she's Skyping with him and talking to me with all this "not you her, not you him. Marvin says this, Sharonna's says that. Oh, I want everyone to be included." Girl he don't need to know what I'm saying and I don't need to know what he's saying. This is too much. Take care now, bye bye then. And all three of us talking wouldn't be a problem, but most of the time I don't even know she's on Skype with him until she starts interpreting like an hour since she called. And she always calls when she's talking to him. If I do call when she's on Skype with him, I say "oh okay, I'll just talk to you later" but then she gets all "nooo, it's okay, we can talk, he understands." Then I'm thinking "well he didn't on "remember who won" day, but whatever." Girl. :lol: It's just too much for me.

Anyway, sometimes I feel like she's trying to make it a thing between us (me and the boyfriend), like she's in the center and we're both fighting for her. It feels that way when we go out together (red flag already, I don't too much like these outings because regardless if a couple means it or not, if it's them and you, you're a third wheel), whenever they get all couply she always shies away and looks at me all worried and he gets all restless. Oh my god girl! Kiss yo damn boyfriend, okay, you two can play grab ass all day, I don't care, stop being all weird towards me like I'm being the weird one. I don't want to stop them from being affectionate toward each other, yall do whatcha wanna do. I'm not some demanding friend that's gonna ask that when we're out together, you guys shouldn't act all couply like that and just pay attention me. Hold hands, cuddle on benches do your thing girl, do your motherfucking thing. It's no shade, sweetheart, I'm just gonna go into a store and look around or something. It's no big deal to me but I think my friend thinks that when I try to do that (haven't been successful yet) I'm being passive aggressive or something and that I'm really upset and they're making me uncomfortable. Let me explain something darling, once a loner always a loner. I like having a friend, but I never mind being alone, my own company, I prefer it usually.

But anyway (got off topic again), when I feel like she's trying to make things weird between me and the boyfriend, I'm like well of course I look like the loser because I'm just the friend. The only difference between me and Ducky (yes Pretty in Pink reference) is that I am not in love with my best friend. She can't tell her boyfriend on her Ducky, have her Ducky there to always bad mouth her boyfriend when she can't or won't, if said Ducky is just not a motherfuckin Ducky. I love her, want her to always be my best friend, but that's it. (I know you're thinking, why not just hang up on her, its because I don't like hanging up on people and I don't want her think I'm mad because at this point it would really get blown out of porportion--my friend is also a know it all so she'll think I really am mad and then that'll lead to her thinking I'm really in love her which I do not need--when really I'm just running away from an awkward situation.)

I know this also seems like a "one doth protest too much" situation, but I'm only stressing this here on EC because I don't stress it enough in real life which is how I get myself into these kinds of situations. I always end up saying the wrong thing and can never just fix it. I always miss that window and just can't find the right words and the right time. *sigh* Fuck my life.

Oh and hours later you know what I thought I should have said besides just not saying anything at all, "I can still joke." Why couldn't I just say I was joking? Maybe because of her tone, my pride kinda took over a little and started to make me talk out of my ass. I know because of how it went down it looks like a "well I could still get you if I wanted you so he should see me as competition" sort of deal but it honestly wasn't. And I know my friend, she thinks everyone is in love with her! So I really don't want to be on that list of people she treads softly around because she thinks I'm harboring feelings. Girl boom, that is so not the case girl. Puhleez, believe. That is just not the case. Maybe I'm just overthinking this whole thing and/or maybe it's a personality thing because I'm a loner and just have set ways of dealing with people (my main way being just stay away from them) I don't know. Regardless, it feels good to get all that out.

I'm just fucking cursed with misunderstandings and they always make me edgy. Jeez. :dry:

And I know because I said "first of all bitch" and those other bad words it seems like I really am mad at her, but I just cuss like that when I'm pissed, I'm not legitimately angry at her or anything. I cuss like an irishman when I'm ranting is all, which I actually didn't even mean to do (rant that is), but once again it just happened. I don't need any advice really. Feel free to just share your thoughts on this and/or your own misunderstandings stories. Thanks for reading. :icon_bigg