I like Lady Gaga's "Born This Way", but I feel like she's politically incorrect, since I know for a fact that I was born straight, but look at me know; I'm gay. I used to be all girl crazy, but during the summer before 7th grade, I was raped. By a classmate who was a year older, no less. NO, what really set me off was that I was so gullible back then, due to the fact that I had no idea what was going on. He had basically told me it was a game when I asked him what sex was, and I guess he advantage of my ignorance. I had no idea what it really was, I didn't know anything about sex, nor did I know anything on what happens when two people get naked, and I blame my parents for not informing me on the subject. My parents never gave me the talk, I basically had to learn the hard way, and then they had the guts to say that I liked it, because I went back a second time before I realised what was happening. Thank you, stepmom and dad for letting this happen. So young and naive, through no fault of my own, and they wonder how turned out this way... This is just one of the many things I'll be bringing this up the next time they decide to tell me that I'm a big disappoint to them and the family... Every time I think back to this time, it just brings up more resentment against my parents and all the bulls**t they fed me, and crap they put me through, particularly my stepmom. >.< :tantrum:
Jw, do you feel anything for girls still? And are you sure those were sexual attractions back then towards girls? Just unsure if rape would change that many people into being gay. Basically I doubt rape would turn a bi or straight guy gay unless a hidden part of them was already gay. And I'm sorry you were raped.
OK, first things first: It's really, really terrible that your introduction to any form of sex was in the form of a violent, aggressive encounter against your will. Nobody deserves that. But... in the first place, that's not what "turned you gay." There is zero credible evidence that sexual assault or sexual abuse alters sexual orientation. It can definitely create some confusion, but it doesn't make you gay. There are a whole bunch of complicated things that affect someone who has been sexually assaulted or abused, and a single encounter can have a profound effect... but the effects of the assault or the abuse can be eliminated with appropriate therapy. Your sexual orientation, however, is yours, and Lady Gaga is correct: you were, according to all the credible data out there, born that way. Keep in mind that one's sexual attractions also get very intermingled with what society tells us we should feel, so the majority of gay seventh-grade boys will still date girls, feel some sort of attraction to girls, and so forth... even though, deep down, they later realize that something is or was different. That realization often doesn't come until later, after you've accepted yourself fully, but nearly everyone can look back and go "Oh yeah, I guess the signs were there." In the second place... it's not your parents fault that you were sexually assaulted. Nor is it your fault. It's solely the fault of the perpetrator. Blaming it on your parents (or, quite frankly on anyone other than the perpetrator) doesn't help you, certainly doesn't help your relationship with them, and doesn't help you accept and love yourself. There are lots and lots of kids whose parents never have "the talk" with them who don't get assaulted, so that logic is completely flawed. Now... there may well be legitimate issues that you can have with your parents, and those are something that's worth exploring in time, but you have to be careful that you don't fall into "victim mode", which is blaming all your current problems/insufficiencies/failures/etc on someone else. Because the truth is... nobody has a perfect childhood or adolescence. Nobody has perfect parents. And yet, most people turn out pretty well anyway. I've met people who came from the most abusive, neglectful, messed-up parents and childhood situations you can possibly imagine who turned into the most amazing, together, and emotionally healthy people, and I've met people who had textbook-perfect parents and every privilege who turned out to be very damaged people. By and large, while our parents contribute to our upbringing, they aren't solely responsible. And once we're grown, much of who we are or who we become is our own responsibliity. We can sit and wallow in a sea of pity about how awful our childhood was... or we can say "Well, those circumstances sucked, but I'm going to take those experiences and use them to be stronger and have deeper understanding and compassion for others." The bottom line is... the experience you had was terrible. And perhaps you had some awful parenting experiences as well. But those experiences didn't make you gay, don't make you a failure, and certainly don't have to define who you are today (unless you allow them to.) What you make of yourself is 100% your responsibility. And I'm confident that if you put the effort in, you can take all the experiences you've had and turn them into strengths. It takes time and energy and a commitment on your part... but it's totally possible, and totally worth it.
I don't fel anything for girls anymore, but back then, I did. I actually had acrush on this one girl, and the first time I ever masterbated I thought of her. The first I looked at straight porn was about the same time (I'll admit I did that :/) and I got turned on by the girl...but now that I think about it, I was a bit curious about the guy....hmmmm...I never actually thought about that. I just happened to be really feminine, which everyone attributed to me being gay. It was after I was raped that I started thinking more about guys...Over the following I started leaning more to guys, and away from girls. It wasn't until the 10th grade when I finally realised I was gay, but wasn't ready to come out as such, so I just came out as bi... ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2012 at 10:26 AM ---------- What you said is good. Point #1- I didn't explain myslef better. I was actually sexually attracted to girls. As for guys, I wasn't sexually attracted to them until after "the encounter". Although it was a confusing time for me, once I realized what it was really liked, I accepted it and went on with my life...even though it took me a while to come out. I didn't come out and feel completely at ease with my sexuality until I was 18. Point #2-It's true that it is the perpetrators fault, I still think that part of the blame lies with my parents, because had I known anything on the subject of sex, I could have seen what was coming, and avoided the incident. If I had been better educated, I wouldn't have gotten raped, and I would have stayed away from the guy. Point #3- While I do think about how bad my childhood was (my stepmother hated me purely because I didn't come from her womb (she made it point to rub it in my face every time she doted on her son, my half-brother), my dad either didn't know how to stand up for himself and stand up for me, or was too scared of his wife (she has this thing where she has to be in control of everything), and my brother couldn't do anything simply because was too young), I only use it as motivation for my future, and I use it as an experience for me whenever I give advice to someone going through a similar time. Point #4- I agree with this point. I am who I am, and there's nothing I can do about it. Someone once told me, "In order to survive the present, we have to learn from the mistakes and the lessons of the past, and in order to make into the our future, we have face the trials and obstacles Life puts in fornt of us, and learn form them, which is something that's long overdue in today's society." I thought it was a pretty good quote, and it really helped me grow as a person. :eusa_clap:eusa_danc(!):eusa_danc:eusa_clap
I got from the first post that you felt the attraction to girls. But my statement stands: what happened to you didn't make you gay. It might have opened you up to the feelings that were already there -- and I think that's a likely explanation -- but there are many, many people who go through life feeling some attraction to people of the opposite sex during adolescence and then having some triggering event happen -- sometimes something like what happened to you, but more often, simply a connection to a same-sex person that takes their breath away -- that causes them to rethink everything and realize that at some level they've been hiding from their true, honest feelings all along. So while that might have been a triggering event, it's wrong to say that if it had not happened, you'd be straight. You might have remained unaware for another few years, but it would have eventually come into your awareness.
Basically - I doubt every guy raped by a guy turns gay - that experience would probably make just the same amount of guys scared of any physical contact - even hand shaking - with a guy in fear of that event happening again. Basically, guys get raped by guys and continue to go on living as straight with a horrible event in their lives. Not everyone becomes gay or bi. As Chip said, it was there all the time for you. And the girl part was probably self-deception on your part. I honestly don't know how that works. I'm a Kinsey 1/2. If there was any feelings towards girls now in the least - you'd at least be a Kinsey 5 which would have greatly explained your feelings back then. But, as said, even without being raped you would have become gay. True straight guys - would continue living as straight with a horrible scarring event in their lives that may inflict their level of trust of other guys but not their feelings towards them. There is no evidence or proof that raping a straight guy turns him gay. However, a gay or bi guy who gets raped may realize sooner rather than later that he likes guys. As you said, a part of you was already interested or 'curious' about the guy in porn before (?) it happened - which is the major sign that it was in you long before getting raped.
