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Hello Guys. Very important question here. U may save my life.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by acor, Feb 21, 2012.

  1. acor

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    Is this possible to turn gay/bi at 23 years old ?

    Because suddenly I don't know who I am (or maybe WHAT I am). I've been straight man all my life (and please don't give me that "you always was, you've been deluded yourself" kind of stuff- I KNOW what I was). Never had any gay thoughts, had 2 girlfriends (incl sex), and as many crushes as any other man. Suddenly found I've lost an inetrest in all straight porn. Hell, I've looked and in famous John Lennon/Yoko Ono picture and...first time in my life John worked for me more than Yoko. Am I really turning ?

    I still enjoy looking at girls more than looking at guys. I may post you a list of 20 most beautiful things I've seen in my life, and there will be no single man- all women. But when it comes to any form of sexual activity- Im dead. Is there any chance I'll regain my interest in women ? I could get over being bi, but it would be hard to live without all those crushes I had before, all those "see a hot girl in the summer and couldn't get your eyes out of her". It all mess made me sleepless, I just thinking it all the time. I've heard about people going through gay phases, but hell...gay phase at 23 would be something odd.

    Another thing- how it would affect my personality ? Because I am in fact, very masculine guy. I love working out at gym, drinking beer in public places, smoke cigarettes, been into bar fights, listening hard rock music... I've never been femine, or even metrosexual (in fact, I always found metrosexual guys not masculine enough). The closest thing I've come to be considered gay is watching cartoons. Tomorrow Im gonna see my psychiatrist about this. Sexual identity crisis at 23 is not fun, believe me...
     
  2. Robert

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    Sexuality is fluid.


    Sexuality is different from gender identity.



    /thread.
     
  3. hipocrisyender

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    I completely understand this. I'm 25, married, and going through the same thing. You're not alone, and we'll be ok!
     
  4. gleekfanatic

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    Hello there! Welcome EC, first off. Secondly, B here...Nice to meet you!

    Now, for your concerns.
    First, may I just say that it sounds like you're used to stereotypes. I just want to point that not all gay or bi men are femine or metrosexual. There are some straight-acting gay and bi men, and some of them are members here.
    Second, it's not odd that you are going through this "gay phase" at 23. It's actually not unusual, there are many men out there that go through this at even later times. Ok, so maybe you believe you are straight, but these feelings have always been there, they just surface all of a sudden...I think it be that just that you get turned on by men, but you're attracted to girls...I think the term for that would be "Hetero-romantic Curious" or "Hetero-romantic Bisexual"...Either way, you can't deny you have these feelings, and the fact that you're here asking about them just shows that you are aware of them.
    Third, there's no such thing as "gay phases"...It's just a time when you become more aware of who you are. Everyone goes through it, and at different times of their lives. It's one of those "Eureka!" moments, both good and bad, and all you can do is sit through them and figure what these feelings and questions mean.
    Fourth point I'd like to make is that this won't have any bearing on your personality and it defenitely won't change who you are as a person. It's just a side you never knew about, one you are just now finding out about.
    And as for regaining your interest in women, don't worry, they won't go away. Eventually it'll come back. For now just figure this out. If you really think spending your money on a counselor would help, then go for it. But as far as I know, counselors can be totally biased, and they won't be much of help. But if it's what you want, then go for it.
    I'm sorry that you this feel way, and that this is happening to you. I wish you good luck in this.
     
  5. acor

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    Thanks for the nice messeages guys.

    First of all, sorry if someone feel ofended by stereotypical, it wasn't my intention, but it was my fear that I may lose something from my personality, wich in fact is very important part of me. I know it mights sounds irrational, but don't expect a guy who found himself in situation like that to act rational.

    Maybe you are right. I don't mind if Im gonna be bisexual or go through short "gay phase" (maybe there are gay phases, maybe there are not; never been against people who experiment, just never had an urge to do it myself), but fact that I don't have the same feeling about females I used to feel (sexually, not emotionally). It needs to be known that I had HOCD symptomes before, wich I ignored, because at the end of the day I knew I will be satisfied by female in form of sex or masturbation. Till the day I wasn't be able to get my satisfaction.

    I need it, because I have to organize my thoughts and regain ability to sleep at night.


    Lets hope so. Good luck !
     
    #5 acor, Feb 21, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2012
  6. IanGallagher

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    Dude, it sounds like you were always bisexual. I mean, yeah, a lot of guys would like to deny that they don't like guys - but truly going back? You'll probably find a lot of 'innocent' hints that somethings was up the whole way through. I'm 24 (come Sunday). I'm bisexual. And I'm still confused on whether I'm a Kinsey 1, 2, or 2.5. All I know is girls turn me on a lot more. Whenever I see a girl - my mind INSTANTLY jumps to sex. Whenever I see a guy it's, "he's kinda cute - lets go get girls together" which for the life of me I can't understand lol. THEN there are times when a guy really catches my attention.

    Some weeks guys catch my eye more. Other weeks girls catch my eye more. Sometimes guys ONLY catch my eye. Sometimes girls ONLY catch my eye. I've had months where, I'm sorry to admit, I was terrified of being gay because girls didn't do anything for me at all - and I didn't want to lose that. Then there's been some months when I was straight and guys did absolutely nothing at all and I thought I was straight again and being bi was a "phase" that has passed. The thing is though -- this is what bisexuals call the EBB AND FLOW.

    Basically for bisexuals, this, no matter how ridiculous it seems is our sexual interest:

    [​IMG]
    Girls_______________Boys

    And as to how you view those who like guys - dude, you gotta let that go. I used to think that too. It's one of the things that made me go, "I can't be gay or bi or whatever - I'm not... girly!" (No offense). Then I saw a lot of representations in film and on TV where the gay or bi guy was presented as just a regular guy who you wouldn't know liked guys AT ALL just by looking or talking to them. They'd need to tell you. And dude - cartoons aren't gay lol, even the most masculine of guys can still enjoy Looney Tunes.

    Other bi guys:

    James Dean
    Alexander the Great
    Achilles
    Possibly Collin Farrell - just look at interviews during 'Alexander' and reports from the set.
    Plus - if you look under sports, if that's more you - you'll find A LOT there too. You may not have heard of 'current' out ones - but, you'll find a lot from the past and once these current ones are "out of the game" - they'll probably come out too. Same with actors and etc. Being "out" sadly hurts their careers, but after they retire - that's when they do come out, happens for every generation.

    Another thing is, some bi guys never really do anything with guys - they just acknowledge that they feel that way towards guys as well, because their attraction to girls is often "there more." I may be one of these guys, I don't yet - I'm still young. But, this is another thing to consider. Just because you have it doesn't mean you have to act on it. I've never really found myself looking for a boyfriend or thinking about guys that way (unless I could have it WITH having a girlfriend), just friends with benefits - don't think I can go beyond that. Whereas with girls I still see the whole package even though there are those 'off' months (which happen, but are rare - or at least in my case).
     
    #6 IanGallagher, Feb 21, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2012
  7. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC!

    My first thought is you might just be burned on straight porn. You don't go into any detail (and that's OK :slight_smile: ), but maybe you just watched too much. And quite often, the reaction to burning out on porn is to nudge the categories out. Watch something "naughtier". And for some people, that means bondage, or other fetishes. For others, it might be "checking out the other side" - watching gay porn.

    What should you do? Ride it. If you're digging guys right now, fine - dig guys. Watch gay porn, jerk off, enjoy it. Maybe it's a phase. If it is, it'll run its course in due time...at which point, you can go back to girls, and continue your life as it had been going. If it last for several months, well, you might just have something there.

    >>>Another thing- how it would affect my personality ? Because I am in fact, very masculine guy. I love working out at gym, drinking beer in public places, smoke cigarettes, been into bar fights, listening hard rock music... I've never been femine, or even metrosexual (in fact, I always found metrosexual guys not masculine enough). The closest thing I've come to be considered gay is watching cartoons.

    You'll go working out at the gym, drinking beer at public places, smoking cigarettes, get into bar fights (if you still want to), listen to hard rock music...and then go home and have sex with guys. I listen to rock music, dress like a slob, talk with a pretty deep voice, and spent this weekend hanging out with professional athletes...but me like-y the dick-y, so I'm gay. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  8. acor

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    Thanks guys again.

    Just come from psychiatrist. He basically said to relex, and things will come out themself. Gave me pills to relax... Too bad no alcohol for the time I'll be taking those pills, but if it makes me able to sleep Im alll for it.

    Most important thing is to relax, and to know thet wheter I end gay, straight or bi, it doesn't determinate me in any other way than the way who I end up sleeping with. Now I must tell that secretly I hope becomming bi. Its never bad having full spectrum.
     
    #8 acor, Feb 22, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2012
  9. Lexington

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    "Being bisexual doubles your chance of getting lucky any given Saturday night." - Woody Allen.

    Lex