This will probably just be a meaningless ramble. I have a lot to say, just no one to really say it to. It can be rather frustrating. This whole business with gender identity and sexual orientation is killing me. Not for the reasons many may think; people don’t take the time to hear me out, but I have to sit there and listen to everything they have to say. How is that even fair? Some of the things they say kind of sting. Sure, it’s an expected thing that cannot be avoided, but could they, oh, I don’t know, let me talk? Seriously! It’s wrong for two people of the same gender to together: Here’s news, I’m not a girl. The media must be somewhat responsible for how I feel: Sorry, I’ve been feeling this way since I was a little kid. Oh yeah, I don’t really even watch much T.V. or go on the Internet to look up stuff about sexuality and such. The way I feel is a sin: Maybe that’s how you feel, but I say that there’s nothing wrong with a human loving another human. The first part is stuff they say. The second part is what I tell them!...in my mind. I’ll say it one day. Maybe when I’m all moved out. Until then, lips = sealed. Sometimes, it feels like this whole thing is just meaningless. Why not just give up and do what they want you to do? It would be easier in a way. Maybe that sounds really stupid to say, but that’s how it feels sometimes when no one takes the time to hear you out and take you seriously in a face-to-face conversation. It can be a bit painful to know that the two people that say they will always listen don’t follow through on that promise. They don’t even really want to talk about it; they just want you to stop thinking about it. Even if you really don’t think about it. I want to give up at times; it’s so hard to keep pretending to be ok when that isn’t the case. Maybe I should tell someone, but when I do, it only gets worse because they never listen and only judge. The future. Those two words hold a lot of promise. Good or bad is up to the individual. Personally, I see it as both; good things will happen along with bad, but it’s just part of life. So, you could say that I look forward to it. When thinking about the future, I keep imagining being true to myself: a boy. And I get filled with an intense longing that is sometimes painful. And then I miss it; I miss something that I have never had. When will I be able to reunite with this thing that I never had in the first place?
So it wasn't too bad a ramble and I hope you feel better after getting it off your chest. You are right about the future, it will have some incredible good things as well as some very devastating things. All we can do is hope for more good than bad.
