So hey, I'm not really able to talk to many about this, but it'd be cool to hear from others, especially if you're anywhere near the same boat. Well I don't wanna make this too long or anything, but basically I've known for as long as I can remember (pre-school at least) that I was very much into girls. There's no question that I'm sexually and romantically attracted to them. However, since middle-school leaning into high school I noticed I might also be attracted to guys, but really only sexually. There may have been one guy I thought about dating but that's it, and another at a really confusing time when I was much more unsure of my orientation than I am now. I have virtually no interest in dating a guy or approaching a guy with the intention of dating him. However, if it were the right guy and maybe we already knew each other and were friends I could be open to dating him, but he would have to make the move. I'm definitely more attracted to females, but can be turned on by both genders. I have told some people and I'm fine with the way I am, but whenever I go out in public I constantly wonder if people are thinking I'm gay or on the DL. I know I shouldn't care but it really bothers me. Part of me also wants to go more public coming out but I know this will undoubtedly have consequences. Any advice?
I wouldn't go public until you're comfortable with whatever it is you are. If you can openly treat it like not a big deal, then most others will follow suit. I am wondering why you worry if people are thinking you're gay though. The only thing that would incline them to that is if your behaviour indicates your hitting on guys much more than you think you are, or you fall under the super camp stereotype. If it's the former, then sexuality is fluid and don't worry about it, and if it's the latter... there isn't much you can do about it, so let people think what they want. And as for your non-desire to dating guys, from the sounds of it it isn't that you aren't interested in dating them, it's that you're super uncomfortable with it. You indicate that you'd be okay with it if it was someone you knew, were attracted to, and didn't have to seek out. All of that points to you not being comfortable with taking the lead in that relationship scenario, which is fine... and something that might come along as you become more comfortable with whatever it is you choose to identify as.
To second Budder, I don't think there's any way that people would "discover" that you were attracted to guys, especially if you're not being obvious about anything or making any moves on anybody. The idea of "gaydar" is usually blown drastically out of proportion. At best, it's like flirting in code. At worst, it's a complete myth. The fear of being "discovered" might actually have more to do with you feeling like it's somehow not okay to be attracted to guys. This is understandable, as we get told this on a constant basis in all sorts of subtle ways, but it doesn't mean it's right. Try giving yourself permission to be attracted to guys for a while. Stare at them, check them out, and so on, as well as any girls you see that catch your eye. Don't come down on yourself for it, just let yourself enjoy it. Again, as Budder was saying, the more you treat this like not a big deal, the more others will follow suit. So follow whatever urge strikes you and treat it like it's natural, because it is.
