Bottoms? Tops?

For most gay guys, there isn't a binding contract to sign in blood on the day you come out, declaring whether you're a top or a bottom . If the circumstance arises where partners prefer the same thing, then usually some sort of compromise is reached (e.g. taking turns).

If someone is absolutely, strictly one or the other, then they generally wouldn't get into a relationship with someone who they wouldn't be compatible with. But I think this is pretty rare, and most people can come to a compromise if their attraction to someone is strong enough.

 

Most likely when you're about to do something with them, it would come to light what each person would prefer. But like Ridiculous said, some sort of compromise could (and most likely would) be made. Everything will work out as far as that goes

 

Definitely not on the first date. Unless it's a hook-up kind of date, in which case it's mandatory
But usually, first dates tend to be occasions to get a first impression and to decide whether there is any potential in the first place, not to decide the details of who puts what where.

Usually, after making sure you're comfortable spending lore and more time together, conversations can occasionally turn sexually charged, at which time it's much less awkward to suddenly bring up preferences.
I can't really say that it should happen on date 3, 4 or 25 though. It really depends on how fast you're comfortable with each other to stumble into sex discussions.

And even there, in case of conflicting preferences, if the attraction is there, the better option might be to actually try if it works, rather than making decisions based on labels.


Also: do take into account that it's not always clear-cut. Preferences aren't natural laws, and many people can be either in the right context (such as: in the company of someone they really feel attracted to). Many are versatile. And many wouldn't even have a clue if you asked them. Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever what I would categorise myself as.

And finally: anal sex isn't in any way "the ultimate sex" or "the real kind of sex". There's tons of other options to get each other off. And many people in fact do prefer those other methods. Where topping and bottoming might be less relevant. So even for two tops and bottoms, there's tons of options even if they're incompatible in one area.

 

They probably do frottage and play with toys a lot, and they may do various types of oral. It's really not a difficult predicament. You really don't need anal...you just don't. It's completely unnecessary. In fact, frottage can be a lot more romantic than anal.

They probably jack each other off while watching football. I don't know what two tops would do together, honestly.

No idea. However, it's always worthwhile to try to seduce someone who is usually a bottom into switching roles. They know ALL the tickle spots.

Actually, no. Let me tell ya, nobody has a greater store of ignorant and silly ideas about gay men than gay guys who are into the gay subculture. The only reason my boyfriend and I have a top/bottom dichotomy is that my boyfriend is a bi guy who has considerably more experience with women than with men, and I'm mentally (and almost am physically, considering how smooth I am) a woman myself. But that's just us. We are the exception, not the rule. I think that most gay couples tend to negotiate this sort of thing as they go along, and I think a lot of them switch around a lot more than my boyfriend and I do.

 

My pithy answer to these questions is "in the bedroom, you find out whether the guy or the position is more important to you." For the most part, it seems the guy takes precedence. You decide maybe you aren't just a top or bottom, or you just stick with manual or oral sex.

>>>They probably jack each other off while watching football. I don't know what two tops would do together, honestly.

We have a lot of fun is what we do. Yes, including jacking each other off while watching sporting events.

Lex

 

This!

Honestly, if you like the person and you want to be with them, then you make it work. Somehow you just make it work and everything else kind of flies out the window. My boyfriend and I are usually the "tops" when it comes to sex. I usually don't like to bottom and neither does he. So what did we do? We just went with it and it sorta worked it self out. Now we just sort of take turns and sometimes we don't. I can honestly say that I have learned to like bottoming, but I think I enjoy it only because it him.

 

I'm pretty much a total bottom, and that sounds totally hot.

 

I wonder about the connotations of passive/submissive that goes along with "bottoming". 'Cause I've got to say, I really really like getting it in my hoohah :roflmao: but I dislike thinking of myself as a submissive person. I want to be an emotional equal in my relationships and in sex too. Just because I like to be the catcher :rolle: doesn't mean I don't want to be active in a physical relationship.

 

If you build the relationship on emotion instead of sex, it really doesn't matter at all.

 

I've never understood being exclusively top or bottom.

 

Yeah, I think that the old Norse way of thinking, where the "catcher" must be slavish in general, is almost outright nonsense. Allowing your partner to put his pecker in there is a demonstration of trust. It has everything to do with trust. If you were fearful of your partner or in any way skeptical of your partner's good intentions for you, you couldn't get your sphincter to open up if you wanted it to.

However, as someone who is a "bottom" both sexually and psychologically, I think that the term "equality" can get in the way of understanding the nature of a relationship. Between myself and my partner, I have the more dominant personality, and I have to work hard to keep myself from becoming downright controlling. However, I have a very "kitty-cat" way of interacting with him, when we are in private. I like being spoiled.

And it's just, being the "active" partner in intimate situations doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't. It's not that I don't feel anything from it, but I just think, "oh, yuck! Slimy!" I'd sooner kiss a toad and get warts. The way some people talk about being the "catcher," you would think that being the "pitcher" was something I'd love to do if I could but just don't feel up to it, but the truth of the matter is that I find it kind of appalling.

So...essentially, I think that "passive" or "submissive" doesn't quite get anywhere close to what I am getting out of sex. When my partner is in me, he is my guest there. He doesn't own the temple just because he was invited to come and live in it.

But I also know that a lot of bottoms think of sex very differently. There are bottoms who are very macho, and they think of themselves as "sexual athletes." I respect that.

 

"sexual athletes" .... now there's an olympics I'd train hard for!!

 

I am mostly a bottom, but sometimes like to top as well. I think it is quite common to be versatile.

 

if and when im legal and get into a relationship i assume id be a bottom for some reasons.... among them im very dependant on others and like that feeling

 

I've never had sex, but i've always presumed that when i enter a relationship, i'd be the bottom. I just love that feeling of being hugged, protected and caressed. I also tried some anal stimulation with my fingers.............and it was nice.

 

you trade off