gays and feminity?

That's just a stereotype. I know a lot of gay men who aren't feminine.

 

^ What he said. You don't have to worry about that, you are who you are. And if you aren't so strong in the femininity department, then that's just fine. Plenty of gay men are very masculine. You could say it's natural, as it can be an expression of your personality. But it isn't linked to your sexuality. So, the only change that comes from accepting yourself is just that: acceptance. And it's a beautiful thing.

 

Gay men do seem to be at least slightly more feminine, overall, than straight men. The question of what exactly is contributing to that is quite a bit more convoluted, though..(heck, it could just as easily be that straight men feel more obligated to comply with their stereotyped behaviors, and so are hiding any internal femininity they may have..)


The only time it ever really bothers me is when people naturally assume that if you are a gay man, you must then be feminine (and same thing with lesbians and masculinity, I suppose), because "that's just the way it is." If anything, those perfectly fitting the stereotypes are, by far, the minority.

No need to worry about becoming more feminine either - if you do, it's because you were always like that (but hiding it), so you would then just be being yourself . And anyone that dislikes you for that is just doing so based on their own insecurities - don't let it bother you

 

It's both.

It's natural because some men, gay or otherwise, do have more feminine mannerisms than most men, because that's how they are. Not all gay men do, as the replies so far have pointed out, but some gay men are naturally feminine; that's just who they are.

It's also a stereotype because, as others have pointed out, not all gay men are like that. Some are, some aren't.

You know how I said some guys are more feminine because that's just who they are? If you accept yourself and end up becoming more feminine, that's probably because you were already feminine to begin with and were just repressing that side of you. If that's the case, it will feel much better for you to just let it out and be yourself. And if you aren't naturally feminine, you're not going to suddenly change your personality once you accept yourself; you'll be the same you, just happier.

Either way, you've nothing to lose by accepting yourself.

 

@Shades of Gray I think it is that way for straight men. If one is a bit feminine, yet also a straight male, they would likely be given a tough time for it if they were to express that side of theirself. There is way too much pressure for men to be "manly" and women to be "lady-like" still.

 

When i was young i was very feminine,because of the times my dad forced me to act more manly ,it messed me up big time ,its easier now to just be you ,just be who you are and want to be and you will do fine.

 

Some gay guys do act pretty feminine. Others don't. I swear, the most masculine man I have ever met in my life was gay. At the same time, some straight men act more feminine then others. Gender roles suck because they place those expectations on people and make it seem as if acting outside of gender norms is abnormal.
But, if your worry is that you'll start acting girly, relax. You're still you. You won't suddenly start acting like a stereotype because you've accepted yourself.

 

Seeing that gender-atypical behavior in childhood is predictive of homosexuality, there's got to be some kind of correlation.

 

Let me ask you this: If you see two guys walking down the street which one would you assume is gay, the masculine one, or the more feminine one? People assume that all gay guys act feminine because they are the only one's who are obviously gay. I came out about six months ago, and I've met tons of gay guys here in college who are not feminine at all. And coming out doesn't change a thing about yourself, it just makes you more comfortable in your own skin, and that is a good feeling!

 

It's just the stereotype, some fit it and some don't. Really the only thing gay about me is the fact that I like other guys, looking at me you would have no idea. Some guys have effeminate personalities and that is just who they are, and there is nothing wrong with that. I went to high school with a guy who was very feminine, I really thought that he was gay, but one day I met his girlfriend. I have to admit I was really shocked.

Actually one fun fact that I learned is that a large number of guys in national body building contests are gay. That could really change the stereotypes for us, I just have a vision of someone saying "That guy can lift 600lbs!?, that's the gayest man I have ever seen."

But in all seriousness, stereotypes are nothing to pay attention to, just be yourself and you'll be okay

 

It could also be down to time and your natural evolution of character. At one point in time, you may have been more masculine. At another, more feminine. At one point in time, when it came to clothes, I couldn't have given a flying do-hickey over what I wore, even when I was out. Now, my wardrobe grows. Interestingly in the more vintage time scale but I digress.

There is no point in saying you are one or the other because give it a few years you could be completely different.

 

You know, this has actually been something that has been on my mind for a while. I've never identified myself as feminine, but it would be a lie to say I'm particularly masculine either. Up until recently where I've simply kind of drifted away from drawing and painting and things like that as a hobby, I've always been an artsy kind of kid. The music I listen to now is drastically different to what I listened to when I was much younger, which were things like musical soundtracks and female pop singers that were popular at the time. And I know, when I was a little kid, I felt more comfortable around girls than other boys.

Now, nobody wants to think of themselves as being terribly influenced by societal pressures. But as somebody who went to school for Psychology and as a self-reflecting human being, I know better than that. I mean, we're all a product of nature and nurture, right?

And it is only very recently, basically the last year and a half or so, that I've pretty much accepted that I'm gay. And I'm not very expressive. The stereotypically gay flavor for showtune-style music are all but gone, which, upon some reflection, was actually a big part of my childhood. Sometimes, I even feel jealous that said "feminine" gay guys are so irreverently themselves and don't give a crap what people think of them.

So given the fact I've spent a majority of my life denying something like being gay, I often find myself wondering now. In another lifetime where I hadn't grown up through critical years like that in such denial, would I have grown up to be something much more stereotypical? Like a totally fabulous queen? It seems pointless to be wondering about this sort of thing because you can't turn back the clock. For all I know, I might still be the way I am now. But it is something interesting I find myself wondering sometimes.

 

Many (but not all) gay men are feminine in some way. The fact I'm slightly effeminate doesn't bother me. I'm more neutral, if anything. I'm not feminine, I'm not masculine. I'm male. That's it.