I'm 19, going on 20 this year, and have never been in a relationship. No first date, no first kiss, nothing. I have been asked out by a guy once but obviously said no since I'm gay. Now I'm in college and everyone seems to be with someone, have been with someone, or have been with lots of people. I'm really shy and quiet and I also have depression and social anxiety. I have been really hurt by the person I love most and am now terrified of getting attached to anybody. I don't want to get left or hurt again. I don't even know how to make friends anymore, since I just isolate myself and tell myself it's easier alone. At the same time, it depresses me to think that I'd never be with anyone. There are billions of people in the world...why would anyone want to be with me? There are plenty of much prettier, more interesting, more fun, more open girls out there. I just wish someone would want to break through this cold exterior that I put up to see me for who I really am and to see the love I have to give. Doesn't seem possible though.
I'm in the same situation as you except I've never tried getting attached to anybody, I'm very emotionally distant. I sometimes do feel the same way, that I will be alone forever. I think everyone gets that once and a while while they are single. However as you mention, there are billions of people. The odds are incredibly in your favour that someone out there who is right for you exists. Although there is no guarantee you will find the "right" person but you will certainly find a great many people who are almost right. You just need to work harder to get the relationship to work. You can't give up hope, the odds that you even exist are incredibly against you yet here you are. The odds are in your favour, you just have to try.
I know that it is a bit cliche but, personally, I think that there is someone out there for everyone. Like you said, there are billions of people in the world. The chances that you are incompatible with all of them are pretty small. I use to feel the exact same way you did. I was hurt in the past too and I was a bit closed off from others. (Granted I was a few years younger than you when I had those feelings) Long story short, I met someone. She is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. We were high school sweethearts and are still going strong. Some people don't have their first date, or first kiss, etc. until well into their twenties. There is nothing wrong with that. First times happen at different times for everyone. Just a word of advice, I wouldn't start a constant search for a gf. From what I've noticed, when people start constantly searching for a partner they tend to end up with someone that doesn't deserve them. I know it is easier said than done but wait for someone as great as you. An undeserving partner will just make you feel worse in the long run However, you should also put yourself out there a little. By that, I mean meet new people and look for some good friendships (you could do this by taking up a new hobby, joining a club, etc.) You could meet a gf that way. Some awesome relationships have started from friendships and even if you don't find anyone at least you've made some friends. Have you considered doing anything about your social anxiety? Such as seeing a counselor at school or something. That may make things easier for you. Good luck
I actually do feel that there is someone out there for everyone, too, but just not for me. I agree with everything you've said, but I just feel so helpless that I can't even ask for help when I need it. I am not actively searching for a girlfriend, but my hiding out and not talking to anyone isn't going to help either. The cliche always goes, don't go searching for love because love will find you. But it doesn't work if you're not putting any effort into it. I am a really good friend who's extremely loyal and generous, so most people who "befriend" me or talk to me end up using me to get what they need and don't talk to me otherwise. I always put other people's needs before mine and I jump to their help when they ask for it. I, myself, have never been able to receive anything from anyone. Friends who try to be nice to me or try to do things for me, I find it really uncomfortable receiving their kind acts. So this, along with getting hurt by the one person I love most, and hurt by some other important people as well, has made my social anxiety worse. I always feel so inadequate in other people's presence. I always feel like they're judging me because I'm not good looking enough or interesting enough or whatever else. Girls, especially, make me really nervous and I can't even talk to them if I find them somewhat attractive. So how can I even make friends, let alone get a gf, if I'm this afraid of everyone being "out of my league"? As for seeing a counselor, I have considered it, definitely. But I'm even too scared to talk to a counselor, because that requires opening up and telling them all these things that I'm afraid to share out loud.
I was in the exact same shoes as you when I was 19 going on 20; in fact, my situation was so similar to yours that it's kinda eerie. I had no first date or first kiss to my name. I was shy and quiet, depressed and with social anxiety (though I didn't put a name to it at the time), hurt and afraid of getting attached to someone. Now? I might not be in a relationship currently, but I've had that first kiss (and more) and that first date (and several others). It happened to me, and it can happen to you, too. You might not be able to see how it could happen, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. You said you think you're the one exception to the rule that there's someone for everyone. The fact that that guy asked you out is pretty strong proof that that's just not the case. So what if he was a guy? The fact is that he wanted to date you, and that means that you're way more desirable than you give yourself credit for.
This is a really tricky, murky pool to wade in. I was raised in the church on the belief that God created the perfect mate for everyone. You just have to find that person. I've lost track of how many times old church ladies came up to me and told me how happy I was going to made some wife and what a good husband I'd be. Little did they know that it'd be another husband that (hopefully) I'd be making happy. After many years of not dating or falling in love with a woman, I grew really disenfranchised with the whole notion of soulmates/wedded bliss/one perfect person for everyone out there. To an extent I still am, but now I'm at least admitting the possibility I might meet someone that I'll want to commit to. I'm going to have to say that there might not be the perfect person for everyone, but there is a really good person for you during certain moments of your life. Maybe it's a boyfriend or girlfriend. Spouse or significant other. Maybe it's just a friend, relative, or co-worker. I don't believe that everyone needs to get married, nor do I believe that you must be attached to someone to feel complete or satisfied with your life. I've seen my share of anger and frustration in supposed 'perfect' marriages - my parents included. I really don't understand why people would subject themselves to that sort of daily pain and anguish, but then again, I've never been in love so I'm definitely not qualified to answer that question. It's a really hard concept for people to wrap their minds around. To be able to be happy and content with oneself without needing the presence of another person. Yet, by nature and by society, we're designed to be social creatures. It's how we function and it's how we cope with the day to day. You'll have to chart your own course with this conundrum. I do caution you not to let your life slip you by while you stand still and indecisive. High school years melt into college years melts into adult careers and lifepaths. Dare to make a move.
Hey try not to worry about it, I mean you're still pretty young. I'm 23 now, and up until last year I hadn't done anything either. In fact everything that I've done happened last year. I've been on first dates, and done some other stuff, but have never been in a relationship myself, and actually have never gotten past the first date. So yeah I've thought like you but then I realize, there's gotta be someone looking for someone like me out there, and there are certainly ways to find that person if you're open to it. It's all about how much you allow yourself to see those opportunities. No matter what though, it should be pretty organic. You certainly don't wanna start thinking that there isn't anyone though, because that just seems to automatically put up a window and perhaps stop from seeing someone who really might be a match. Perhaps you should think of finding ways to make friends with similar interests and with whom you can do things and then take it from there.
You and I are almost the same, I know the feeling of being always alone is scary and it hurts sometimes, but I always try to remind myself that it isn't a race because there is plenty of time to find someone. When I look back on a younger me, I always laugh about what I thought was important and realize that I knew nothing then. And I'm sure I will do the same thing as an older me. Just try to remember that most things in life aren't permanent and there is always time for change.
if i were you, i would try not to think about it and continue getting busy with life. just focus on something else in the meantime such as school, work, hobbies, self improvement but if you have an opportunity to get involved with someone or see someone you like, do your thing. the worst thing when you're alone is to dwell on it. no need to add insult to injury. you'll be alright but for the moment, get busy on yourself.
