1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Relationship role titles

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by LdSlnce, Mar 23, 2012.

  1. LdSlnce

    LdSlnce Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2011
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Not On Your Street
    Just thought about this randomly. Well, not randomly because I was reading...stuff :lol:. Anyways! Um, yeah... So I just can't stand when someone asks who's the "boy/girl" in a same-gender/sex relationship. Frankly, if A wanted to be a (fill in gender here), A would go and seek a relationship with that gender.

    I remember when my friend's younger sister found out that I'm into girls. She told me that I need to find a girl who can be the "boy" in the relationship. It was a little offending :eusa_doh:. I wanted to say something, but I reminded myself that she didn't really mean anything offensive when she said that.

    Is it just me being silly or...?

    Sorry if this didn't make too much sense!
     
  2. ameliawesome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2012
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    south jersey shore
    it's understandable why people say things like that. gender relationships seems like such a simple concept. i've never had to deal with that question myself, but what bothers me is that some people must feel like they have to have an answer to that question and how many people struggle even more with their own gender because of this question. i hope this makes sense haha! so no, it's not just you being silly. i've heard people express offense at this before and if anyone ever does say it around me i will try to enlighten them.
     
    #2 ameliawesome, Mar 23, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2012
  3. The Escapist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2011
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, U.S.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yes, this is something that gets under my skin. It's called a gay or lesbian relationship for a reason. It's two men or two women. If one was a man and the other was a woman, then we would call it a straight relationship. Please and thank you!
     
  4. amwm2wm3

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2012
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This irks me, too. I'm not the stereotypical butch, but I have a very dominant personality and I'm strong-willed, so I was always told that I was the "guy" in the relationship and it annoyed me to no end. Actually, I'm with a man now and I'm still told that I'm the guy because he's so passive.
     
    #4 amwm2wm3, Mar 24, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2012
  5. The Escapist

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2011
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, U.S.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I also find that remark as sexist, so it offends me on multiple levels.
     
  6. Pilgrim is hot

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2011
    Messages:
    129
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England - Somewhere in the middle
    someone at my work was asking the office "how do gay guys decide which ones the girl" I nearly lost it with her, the thing is she says lots of stupid stuff like this and I'm sure it's not ignorance. :dry:
     
  7. colorful

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2012
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think this is ridiculous as well. Like previous posters have said if I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy I would be. AND just because I may like a girl with short hair that doesn't mean she's the dominant one and I have to be submissive. I'm SO HAPPY I have a class that teaches why this kind of stuff is messed up at my school. Haha.
     
  8. crazyhead

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2011
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    I don't like when people do that for two reasons:

    1) They are trying to apply gay relationships to straight ones in an inaplicable way. The relationship I'm in doesn't have a guy or a girl. We're both guys. I always say, "If one of us were the girl, we wouldn't be gay." When they're confused as to how that works, I say, "Take a straight couple, take away the girl, and add another guy." I just think that there is no reason to apply straight gender roles to a gay couple.

    2) When people talk about who the girl or guy is is a gay relationship, the mean who is the more submissive one. This doesn't exactly offend me personally because I find it sexist against women. The idea is that to most people, dating girls is something that men generally do and dating men is something the women normally do. And when a man dates another man, at least one of them is doing something that women are "supposed" to do. And once they have it in their mind which one the woman is, they apply all of the female stereotypes to him. (Vice versa for female couples.)
     
  9. ameliawesome

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2012
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    south jersey shore
    @Pilgrim is hot: as if gay couples sit down and decide that!

    @colorful: the hair thing is such a pet peeve of mine! men can range from bald to motley crue and not be questioned, but women who cut off their hair have problems. just because i have short hair doesn't necessarily mean i'm trying to be a man. it means that i got tired of having long hair.
     
  10. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're statement makes perfect sense. I also don't get the "Who is the boy/girl" thing.

    I like to answer with, "Well, if you both kick the crap out of you that means we're both the boy!"
     
  11. Christiaan

    Christiaan Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2012
    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    1
    The gender concept is easier on most people's minds because it's a simple concept that is relatively compatible with (antiquated, outmoded, outdated) social norms. It's true that we ought to be learning by now new ways of thinking about things, but impatience is not going to hasten the inevitable.

    Also, remember that some gay people actually like to think of themselves as "fem" and "butch." It's not something everybody does, but some people actually prefer it that way. That includes me, and this is entirely because 1) my boyfriend is bisexual, and 2) I'm borderline transsexual (to the point that I was at one point determined to transition until I was talked out of it). Being "the female" in the relationship satisfies certain needs that I would otherwise have to go to greater extremes to fulfill.

    Also, some people have some confusion about so-called "bottoms" in intimate relationships. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have a "submissive" personality. In fact, I think the idea that the "feminine" stance in a relationship is one of "submission" is a misogynistic assumption in itself. It's more than anything else a desire to open yourself to someone else, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and carnally. The "male" role is to not only TAKE what is offered but to make it more important than life itself to protect it and keep it as pure as you can. If you really understand it, you realize that ideas like "domination" and "submission" are really a terribly dysfunctional expression of these kinds of feelings.

    Also, I realize that men and women in straight relationships, if their relationships are healthy and balanced, generally have some of both kinds of feelings about each other on both sides in lesser and greater degrees, and I realize that the "roles" can be absolutely reversed. In my experience, no relationship is really clear-cut in this respect, and no relationship is quite exactly like the other.

    Anyway, I think that some people get way too hypersensitive over this sort of thing. The only thing that I think we ought to be serious about is our devotion and loyalty to each other, and I think everything else is superfluous.
     
    #11 Christiaan, Mar 24, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2012