Hardest thing about being gay?

I was the same i always felt i wanted children for me it worked out ok,but in a way i could never have dreamt of in my teens ,somtimes life seems to take over and work things out for us.

 

I'm bisexual not gay but I know when I finally come out that I'll lose a lot of people including family as a result. Having children isn't that big a deal to me it would be nice but I wont be too bothered if I don't.

 

Must.. resist.. temptation.. to make.. erection joke.



The hardest thing is other people.
*snigger*

But seriously, it is other people. Even if you've come to terms with your own sexuality, there will always be someone out there that hasn't come to terms with your sexuality. It's a never-ending process that often just makes me want to ostracise myself from society entirely.

 

I think for me the hardest thing was getting over what other people would think. In general, I'm a very private person and tend to bottle things up. Letting someone know of my 'greatest' secret took many years to achieve. Now that I've started coming out to people, it's getting easier and I have more of an "if they don't like that I'm gay, that's their problem" attitude now. I guess the next hardest aspect of being gay now is just finding someone compatible.

 

This. I'm way too conscious of what other people think of me, too. When I first came out as bi, I did so to my girlfriend, and eventually her dad found out. He apparently didn't like the idea, because he still thinks it's binary. He doesn't see why I don't just pick a gender, and stick with it. I got so worried what he was going to do to me. Before he found out, I was pretty free in saying "Sherlock's purple shirt of sex should actually be his jeans.", or something like that, to her at her house. Now I don't say anything like that for fear he'd forbid us seeing each other. He doesn't care that I like guys (thankfully), he just doesn't see how I can be bi.
And I hate being an example for the other bi kid in his house. They know I'm constantly afraid I'll mess up in front of him. I hate to think what I'm sending as a message.

 

Well, one of the more complex issues involved in being gay is figuring out where you stand in a relationship. If you were brought up to understand intimate relationships as purely gender-structured, it can be difficult to grok a same-sex relationship, and this can lead to a lot of domestic conflict.

At an individual level, it's extremely difficult to figure out where that fine line is between "out of the closet" and "inappropriately open." When you are introducing yourself to a new room-mate, for example, it's hard to tell whether it's appropriate to say, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm a gay man and might bring a few boyfriend's over." Really, where do you draw the line? Where should you be open, where should you be subtle, and where should you be altogether discreet? And there is always the fear that, if you go too far in being discreet, you could end up far back in the closet again.

So those are the two main things, one at the interpersonal level and one at the individual level.

 

This, definitely. I was pretty okay with myself (relatively speaking), but having come out of high school without any really close friends and making quite a few here at university (basically doing a 180, socially), the last thing I wanted to do was lose any of them.

 

It was becoming distant from my family and some friends. Friends i have had since i started school now act like they never knew my, i guess i don't want friends who are gonna act like this but feeling unaccepted is he hardest thing. My family being so disappointed and preferring my straight brother to me, was also really hard.

 

Basically what i wanted to say....

 

I also have to agree with this. I was fine from the moment I realized I was bi-curious, but after keeping it hidden for almost two years I'm starting to drive myself insane. Thoughts keep coming up in my head wondering if I'm not really bi.. I just want to be. Or maybe I'm just crazy. This isn't real. I don't think this would be as much a problem in an accepting society/world. Maybe it would be.. but people would accept it.

 

i remember feeling a lot of guilt and stress about producing grandchildren for my parents (my mother would have been so sad if she went through life without being a grandmother), but two months ago my younger sister had a baby so i no longer feel that guilt. another thing that i had a hard time with was what others would think of me for never having a heterosexual relationship, but i no longer worry about that at all. now the hardest thing for me is the seemingly simple act of finding a romantic partner.

 

For me, a major paradigm shift took place between the inside the closet and outside the closet phases. When I was entirely closeted, my biggest fear (by far) was other peoples' judgment and gossip upon finding out. Like JRNagoya, I'm a fairly private person who doesn't spill my guts to everybody, so telling my close friends this deepest of secrets was a huge, huge step. Now that the initial coming out is over (my fears were overblown...my friends have been great about the news), my concerns have shifted and become more about dating and someday finding a 'soulmate'. I have minimal experience dating (and none whatsoever with guys), so I'm afraid of being awkward when I step into the dating pool. The tough reality is that probably 5-7% of the population is gay (meaning only 3-4% of guys), so finding someone who is compatible might not be the easiest thing. But having said that, tens of thousands of gay and lesbian people have found that special somebody, so there's no way I'm giving up before I've even started!

One final concern that's a little unique is being an only child. I'm not out to my parents yet, but I'm sure the grandchildren issue will come up. Being the only kid in your family makes that problem even more sensitive.

 

Dating -_-

I get approached/hit on by guys 50x more than chicks.

Girls, why you no hit on me?! Lol

 

This.

 

I didn't want to accept it, I actually convinced myself that I was bisexual for a while because I didn't want to accept the truth.
And at first I was nervous as hell to tell anyone, I thought that even my friends would look down on me. So I didn't for a year and a half (as bisexual) and two years (as gay). Even when I came out to the few people I'm out too, I couldn't of even started saying it if the first friend who found out had guessed that I liked a girl, after guessing every other possible reason I wouldn't tell her. Now coming out isn't too much of a big deal to me.

 

same problem. i wonder if it has anything to do the typical situation of males hitting on females, which causes many females to feel unprepared to hit on other females, which leads to no one hitting on anyone. lol i hope that makes sense to someone else besides me.

 

This, hit the nail on the head.

 

Not being able to express my true feelings openly and love whoever I want. To be ashamed when walking hand-in-hand with my boyfriend in public, worried about what other people might think. But that was before; now I don't care about being with him in public. I'm not doing anything wrong.

 

I think for the most part is living in this small/ghetto town and looking for a gay relationship. I had fuck buddies in the past but its getting old i am in my mid 20s and haven't had one relationship yet. Everyone here is straight or deeply in the closet. I Know when i graduate College i will have to move to a bigger city to have a gay life and everyone gay is in Philly i don't want a long distance relationship.