Thoughts on being 'out there' and flamboyant?

I'm not out but most people, when they first meet me, assume I'm gay anyway. My jeans are tighter than 80% of the girls I know and even though I hate the word 'flamboyant' I sometimes act that way. And there's probably more I'm not even aware of.

But I don't feel it's compensating for not being out, it's just doing what I want to.

 

Found that I've only met one gay guy, out of about 20, who did 'act straight' everyone else said they 'acted straight' but were flamboyant in some way: the way they walked, carried themselves, limp wrist, slight lisp, etc. Not all in one - but usually at least one of the signature stereotypical images. Basically enough so that a lot of masculine guys can tell 'there might be something going on with him.' Albeit I've met one flamboyant straight guy who bounces around on the radar, so one can never truly tell. Also, I'm bi, masculine, everyone was surprised - but have still to meet other bi guys so I can't really tell if we "blend in more" somehow...

 

inb4 this thread gets offensive to flamboyant gay men

 

there's nothing wrong with being flamboyant, if that's how you are or how you feel like being then great, although I would say it is a very subjective term as everyone has different views of what constitutes flamboyant. I have the opposite stereotype where I'm called "straight acting" which I find offensive as I'm not acting "straight" I'm just being me.

 

I can't come out, my parents would kick me out of the house haha

 

I'm a closet dweller also, although I'm not at all flamboyant really, actually looking at me and talking to me you would have no clue. I do have a pink shirt, although I haven't seen it in a while, but I like to pull the "tough guys wear pink" joke because I don't really care what I wear.

If you have a flamboyant personality, that's fine as long as you're okay with it. Personally I have a small attraction to flamboyant guys. There seems to be the stigma that it's bad to be a guy who is effeminate or flamboyant but that's bull crap really, the general rule I follow is Don't be an :***:hole and then your fine. And you really don't sound like one so the rest shouldn't matter.

 

I think most people don't really mind if you are strange in harmless ways. You provide them with a source of amusement in an otherwise humdrum and dull day-to-day existence, and you bring a little light into their lives. To me, someone who flames to the point of excess can keep me in fits of giggles for the rest of the day, and I've never felt any resentment over it. I think it's nice that some people actually have the nerve to put themselves out there.

 

At this point in my life, I'd rather not be seen as being gay by others unless I specifically tell them. I have become much more accepting of others being "flamboyant" (I hate to even use that term; its so derogatory coming from straights) and when I am comfortable, I won't hide that side of me. For those who are being themselves, that is great! It's so hard to withhold all the time and worry about "does this make me seem gay?" or any of that crap. It feels way better to just be yourself. I think i confuse most people by how I act. They don't usually straight up peg me as gay but I have been labeled "fruity" several times.

There was this one time, a friend of mine said, "I want to play you a song. It always reminds me of you..." At that point I KNEW exactly where this was going. She turned on the song and before it even started I said, "Your So Gay" (Katy Perry, on the off chance you didn't know). She looked back around at me and was like, "HOW did you know?!"

Gee. Just a wild guess. I always thought I carried myself in a way that wasn't feminine. I have never been masculine but I thought I at least was just in between where I was neither. Lesson? You really can't fully hide it. Usually people pick up the fact that you are "different."

And honestly, it is way more FUN to be at least little flamboyant. Guys like that take on a new level of hotness IMO.

 

I'm not 'flamboyant' as such, but I definitely have 'tendencies' of a 'flamboyant' individual (I hate all of the words that I am putting in speech marks!), but as a child I was definitely a lot more 'flamboyant'. I don't think people mean to act a certain way, it's just how they are and I don't think that they should be judged for it.

I think over the years I've somewhat trained myself to act the way I do now (more 'masculine') and I'm now kind of in the middle. It depends what kind of mood I'm in, I'm a little out-there and confident when I'm drunk, but when I'm sober I'm very...average acting.

I don't think it matters how a person acts to be honest!

 

Personally, I am not flamboyant about my sexuality, but I say, "It's not me, but if it's you, and you've got the confidence, go for it and more power to you."

 

Well, most people assume I'm straight too, even though I'm not extremely masculine.

 

There is nothing wrong with being flamboyant. Don't ever let anyone tell you that expressing yourself in a "feminine" way is wrong--it will offend people (who have notions of how men ought to act), but you know what? Fuck them and their gender/sex/sexuality stereotypes. (This, coming from a femme woman who hates it when I am presumed to be straight.)

I really, really hate the fact that feminine men are hated on--by straights and (often masculine) queers alike--because they are feminine. Men who act feminine are seen as "lowering" themselves because femininity is a step down from masculinity. Fem(me) shaming and fem(me)phobia sucks.

 

I have never thought of things in that way but you are so right! Who said men and masculinity are higher or better then women or femininity??! Screw that BS. I thought everybody was supposed to be equal and treated as such.