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Dating a closeted?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Blue Eyed Panda, Apr 12, 2012.

  1. Blue Eyed Panda

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    This is my first thread and this is something that has been roaming in my mind for quite some time.

    If you had the opportunity to date someone, would the person you're about to date being in the closet (not completely) affect your decision and why?

    If so would you be willing to wait for them?

    I know this is somewhat specific but that's how it is :slight_smile:
     
  2. GoinStag

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    Personally, I would. The reason being that I'm also not really out to anyone who isn't family. I would wait, but I wouldn't wait for somebody who never planned on coming out to anybody ever. If we got to the point that we were living together I'd eventually get tired of being introduced as "the room-mate/friend who sleeps on the couch" to his parents.
     
  3. Gravity

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    I think there are varying levels of "closeted" that present various levels of challenge to being in a relationship. There are levels of closeted that I'm willing to accept in a partner, yes.

    Personally, though, having first come out more than a decade ago (I personally believe coming out is a constant process that just gets easier and more pleasurable the more you do it), I would want coming out to at least be an eventual goal of my bf. Not saying I need a time table, but I'd like to know he aspires to it. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Mogget

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    It really depends on how closeted he is, and how much I have to interact with the people he's closeted to. It also depends on how serious the relationship is. I'm a fairly private person, but I won't be in a secret relationship.
     
  5. I would, but I am mostly closeted right now too.
     
  6. LimePopsicle

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    Yeah, I would.
     
  7. Mad Man L

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    It depends how closeted. If they're ready to start outing themselves to people if necessary, definitely. If they're still questioning, in denial or having difficulty accepting who they are, probably not. Mainly because they're not in the best shape, if you get my drift. They'd have to agree to make steps towards getting out of the closet relatively quickly.

    I'd find it sort-of difficult to carry out a relationship with a closeted person. Mainly because it would be difficult to show affection in my spare time because I'd be constantly thinking whether someone else will see us. For example, I was at the movies with friends yesterday, and I ended up seeing something like 15 people from school. I probably would also wish to be open about the relationship as well.
     
  8. Blue Eyed Panda

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    Thanks for the responses ^^ I agree with people when they say they have to consider how out the person is...

    Would only not being out to their parents affect your decision as well?
     
  9. timo

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    I'm pretty much closeted myself, only out to two friends, so at the moment I would have no problem dating someone who's closeted too... especially if he isn't experienced, just like I am. Especially the experience part bothers me, I'd feel like I would be "behind" if I dated someone with a lot of experience.
     
  10. Yes - if they have a reason for staying closeted, I would respect that. Basically the reason for staying closeted is fear of not being accepted. If he came from a very conservative family, depending on the circumstances, I may even encourage him to stay closeted.
    And, being closeted myself, I could hardly ask for something I can't do myself xD
     
  11. mnguy

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    I sure would. I'm assuming he's a typical average guy who enjoys hanging out with another guy just like people do with friends they're not dating. I'm cool as long as it's not preventing us from going out to eat, to movies, other entertainment and staying at home to chill. We'd get along just fine. Like the scene in A Single Manwhere George and Jim are just relaxing at home while listening to records. No one needs to be out for that scene.
    slates: - A Single Man (2009), directed by Tom...

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2IHteBBDCZw/ThwauaUj2tI/AAAAAAAAAQY/OxETciDWyNE/s1600/a+single+man.jpg
     
  12. justinf

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    Oh you're so right about this! That's exactly my problem right now. I HATE being the inexperienced guy. Ugh.


    Other than that... I'm glad my boyfriend doesn't mind at all that I'm not out nor planning on it :slight_smile:
     
  13. dano22

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    Being somewhat in the closet myself I would be open to the idea but I once dated a guy who was fully in the closet and it ended up he was only interested in sex. I turned down his offer for sex and than he dumped me. He was my first guy i kissed and really liked and it broke my heart. That is why I would be open to the idea but i would be more concerned about his intentions that I would be of a openly gay person. I probably would have more in common with a closeted person right now than a openly gay person but I can see the benefits of dating a openly gay person to help me become more comfortable with my sexuality and being open.
     
  14. ok455

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    I am in the closet to my family, I wouldn't mind dating a closet guy as long he knows what he wants and not confused about his sexuality.
     
  15. Eww

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    Closets make no matter to me. For the one I loved, I'd wait until I was DEAD. Then I'd still keep waiting. But I think closeted people have too much they have to do for themselves, and it sometimes gums up the works to mess with them.
     
  16. BudderMC

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    Largely depends. I think if he sees the value in coming out and just isn't ready for it yet, probably. If he has no intention of ever coming out (barring some very legitimate reasons), probably not.

    That being said, I wouldn't automatically rule someone out for being closeted. But it might be a decent indicator of how long and far the relationship would go.
     
  17. Colton

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    I honestly don't see why it would matter. We have all been in that stage at one time or another. If you really love the person, then it really should not matter.
     
  18. ThatCoopKid

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    It would, and it's why I'm waiting to be in a relationship with another guy. If I can't show that guy that I'm proud of being with him in public and that I don't care what people think, then why would I be with him?
     
  19. dreamcatcher

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    I'm still closeted so yes, I would date someone who is closeted. It would probably make my life easier. But I plan on coming out to my parents in the future once I have my own job, apartment etc. So I would want to be with someone who will eventually want to come out to the people important to them too.
     
  20. Mike92

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    Well, considering that I am in the closet, I would.