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my first step, i made a purchase

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Deaf Not Blind, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. Deaf Not Blind

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    if i am correct, that i am the opposite gender, i will know better soon. i did it. i searched online for things of high quality to enhance an attribute. i want real, as real feeling or looking just for my own mind not for anyone else. but it is not cheap. i breathed and clicked to check out. it will come in a discrete package, so nobody will know what i am doing. it is an investment, and i will just wear at home. if it looks strange under my clothing, or i feel it is not me, then i will know i am not transgender likely. but if i am correct, i will look in mirror at the minor change, and feel normal. this is a big first step. if i am wrong i lost money, but not make any stupid mistake i can't live with. now i am so anticipating that box! when i wear them will i be ugly or gorgeous? i will post when i know.
     
  2. Mirko

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    It took some courage to do it! Way to go! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Random Dent

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    Good luck! (*hug*)
     
  4. Bree

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    Judging by the Male? gender, I assume you're talking about binders/packers. Good luck! The packer...If I touch myself through my briefs, I feel like it's real. It's not sexually arousing so much as comforting.
     
  5. starfish

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    YAY!! I'm happy for you.
     
  6. Deaf Not Blind

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    thank you, Miroko! It really was a bravery thing. I felt a bit light headed, think i was holding my breath while hovering over the last button.

    ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2012 at 04:27 PM ----------

    :wink: I'm not going to say if you are wrong or right about my birth gender, I want to keep it out of it so I can just be a person and not have any preconceived notion of what I look like. I will just say I am good looking, and hope if I go to the end stage I will end up just as good looking not odd. it is interesting by my not stating my physical gender that whatever birth gender a person was who responds seems to feel i am theirs. thats maybe good!

    anyways, thanks for sharing how when you feel your body the packer makes a real normal feeling for you. that comforting feeling is the key, it confirmed what you likely already knew, you are a guy, and it completes you. that makes me happy. i hope what i am going to put on will feel good, real, natural, not akward, fake, and dorky. i think if at puberty they had a table with such items for free on it, i would have grabbed them up!

    ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2012 at 04:30 PM ----------

    Thanks for your encouraging note and smily hugs! i needed that.

    ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2012 at 04:31 PM ----------

    Thanks for feeling happy for me! :icon_bigg
    you must know how I feel.
     
  7. secretguyX

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    Congrats, good luck with everything! (*hug*)
     
  8. BradThePug

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    Congrats!! Good luck!!
     
  9. Naren

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    Good luck! May good fortune rule over you, peace live in your heart, and may the stars watch over you.
     
  10. Deaf Not Blind

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    Thank you too for hugh smily faces, SecretgirlX! say, are you a superhero? jk! I had to say it, because it is a cool name, should be a movie.

    ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2012 at 07:52 PM ----------

    Thanks for posting! I appreciate so much the support. Ohio has a lot of gay/bisexual/lesbians for such a small place, because so many I know of.

    ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2012 at 07:55 PM ----------

    Sweet sentiment. Thank you so much, I need it. I see you are transgender. Have you done anything so far in your transitioning? It would be hard at age 17. Heck, it was hard for me!
     
  11. secretguyX

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    Yes, actually I am a superhero! :thumbsup: Just kidding! But that would make a great name for a superhero :lol:
     
  12. mischa91

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    Congrats on your purchase. I hope that when it turns up you will let us know how it makes you feel! Good luck.
     
  13. Deaf Not Blind

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    hey, thanks so much! I think I would still be very mixed up if it were not for this site and everyone being so understanding. I promise when what I ordered arrives, and them on right, i will tell you all how i feel.
     
  14. Deaf Not Blind

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    okay, so I got more gender neutral clothes yesterday in store, they hint at the opposite sex, but not overtly. then i just now ordered online underwear. that should be here in a week or so. but i am going to go to college today in my new clothes and see if i get comments or funny looks or if it just blends in ok.
     
  15. phoenix42

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    Hey, just reading through this now and I hope everything worked out or works out, not sure what the status of everything is given that i'm late to the party.

    I believe that kind of thing (using whatever the purchase might be to gauge your comfort or security in the gender you are) if very true. Worked for me I think, though I felt more disappointment that it wasn't real than anything I guess.

    anyway, just wanted to say congrats!
     
  16. Deaf Not Blind

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    Thanks for joining my happiness party!
    the "things" have arrived, yesterday. At 1st, i am thinking ok how stupid was this. :slight_smile:
    for now i live alone, so i put it on, and my clothes over it, which of source barely fit as needs to stretch the material a bit. i looked in the mirror, not really any reaction. huh.
    i know some gays/lesbians buy these sorts of accessories to get turned on, but i didn't feel anything. not uncomfortable or sinful or turned on sexually, just like i did not do anything, like i had washed my hands, nothing unusual. huh.

    but there is something that happened later. while wearing it, although knowing its fakers, i felt well for me its my closest to real i will get....without miracle. i suddenly had a feeling that i am near whole person, maybe i can be happier now. if a little purchase can make me feel more normal not damaged, that is something. one poster who is ftm told me her prosthetic makes her feel secure and good just feeling it is there. today i began to feel like it is like an amputees leg, it is nothing to most people, but it gets me by, and makes me feel contented. i did pay for realistic kind, i knew any cheaper ones would not make my mind accept it. my mind is beginning to slowly think of it as a removable part to my body, which i put on immediately when i come home. i only wish this world would allow me to wear it everywhere! it is not obnoxious, smaller size, but um, you can see something pointing out where is not on my birth gender.

    i hope either before graduation or before i start my university i can get a new haircut that is gender questionable. :slight_smile:i don't like how my hair looks grown out so a new style could help.

    also i have been flitting with someone i know through a friend on fb the past 2 days, and i never would have allowed myself to go so far before, which is uneasy but great! i have never dated, but if this person lived here not san francisco, i would go out with them, heck i told them if they come here where i will. can't believe i would be willing to date and kiss someone now. just because i came out to them and been talking here. amazing.
     
  17. Deaf Not Blind

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    ^ This was when I bought my soft packer and good one cost over $200, and I got men's underwear and I think before I bought men's clothing and saw myself it them.