I've been wondering this for a while... In high school I came out, and it was pretty much known to everyone. However, I then entered college and was pushed completely back into the closet. With the culmination of being at a Catholic University, living with a roommate, and just the fact that I was in a completely new environment, the idea of trying to live openly was kind of cancelled out. I soon came out to my roommate on national coming out day and try to continue to live openly, however it got me thinking. Are we ever able to truly "live openly"? I mean, I am for sure going to be in this situation again when I move into a new town, new school, or get a new job. Every time we enter a new environment or meet a new person, I would assume, that we think about coming out, correct? Or will I be so natural about it as the years come along that I just won't think about it anymore? Does the coming out process ever stop? Just some questions to think about.
I came out at college (uni), and to me it seems like there will always be more people to come out to as you meet new people and friends. It's the same thing as with any minority group - people will always assume you're part of the majority until you tell them. I don't give a second thought to coming out now. I don't get emotional or nervous saying it anymore. It's kind of just the same as saying "yeah, I *go to this uni / am this age / this notionality / etc*". It's just 1 more little thing about yourself. I've found it's not a huge deal if you just say it casually now. Just be prepared to say "yeah, I'm gay" if anyone asks you. If they don't, don't bother bringing it up. =) I don't think "coming out" will ever stop, but it won't be as difficult or uncomfortable as it was the first time. Just live openly, and most people will put 2 and 2 together without you needing to say anything. If new people you haven't told see you staring at a hot guy as they stare at a hot girl, don't hide it and they'll work it out themselves. =P
I think it partially depends on your personality. If you're really flamboyant, or just have that stereotypical gay look (sorry metro guys), people will just assume you're gay. Otherwise, I don't think it will ever end. For every new person you meet, that's another person you will potentially have to come out to. A bit depressing in a way (i'm currently none to fond of coming out), but whatever. That's life.
Well all throu-out your life you will being meeting new people so coming now never per-say truely stops but I look at it as being okay about people knowing and telling them as being out even if you haven't gotten to it yet.
I think it does. The tough part was telling the people I'd known for several years (or all my life). It was like going back and filling in a (what I thought was) important bit of information that got left out. Once all my friends and (immediate) family knew, the process was complete. As I meet new people, if my sexuality comes up, I'm prepared to tell them. I don't introduce myself as "Hi, I'm Lex, and I'm gay," mind you. It's usually in context of my relationship. "What did I do this weekend? My partner and I went to a concert..." Lex
It's possible, I guess, as Lex said, but it's really a case of how comfortable you are with people knowing. I remember once saying to somebody how I consider the term 'coming out of the closet' to be misleading. It suggests that the process is instantaneous. However, it's not a case of deciding to come out, and suddenly you're in this happy pink fluffy open gay world. All it is is that one more person knows. You've got to lather, rinse, and repeat for every person you meet. It perpetuates a false hope; that once you're out, life is better. It might be better. It might be worse. But hell, it's not necessarily even different. Mine isn't, really. I guess the only changes since I've came out have come from me. They're not radical, but I'm a bit better about myself. However, I thought when I came out, I'd find loads of gay friends, go out to all the nights out, have loads of fun and loads of good sex, and live out my youth as a happy and confident guy. It was an image in my head that never materialised. I've not got gay friends. I'm not going out to gay nights with any regularity. I'm not really finding life much fun at the moment, I've never had sex that I actually enjoyed, and I'm anything but confident. So yeah, I don't like the term 'coming out'. It over-simplifies everything. Makes it sound like life is a series of simple boolean decisions.
Correct. Though as you go along it gets easier and more natural to slip it into conversation without really saying. In a new job for example, sooner or later (probably sooner) someone will ask if you're married, and I will reply something like, "No but I live with my partner, his name is........". If you handle it like it isn't a big deal, most likely the people you drop the obvious hints to will too. When I started a new job a couple of jobs back, it was at a place with about 100 employees. Rather than having to go through this 100 time, I found out who the main gossip was (I asked HR, who already knew I was gay from stuff on my Resume), then made a point of chatting to her by the coffee machine. It didn't take long for the word to get around. It does become easier and more natural as you go along, but it never really ends.
