Simply curiosity. I mean no offence and hope I don't come off as being rude I was just wondering, how do you know that you aren't the gender you're born with? I know I'll probably get a few "how do you know you're a boy" but I mean, I have a penis so I consider myself a boy... Y'know? Anyways, thanks for the few replies I most likely won't get!
um, well, it is hard to explain. but i recall watching a tv show and the star eventually gets 1st gf and 1st kiss. i wondered what it would be like to date and kiss, so i imagined it was me, first my gender, then the other! after a couple years of daydreaming i abandoned my own birth gender in my mind altogether, and just kept thinking of myself as opposite gender! then i started to grow more, puberty hit me like a bad nightmare. i somehow had thought i would become an adult of the opposite sex, don't know why, and to wake up seeing that stuff i nearly died inside. in daytime i tried to hide my changing feature, wearing really tight too small underwear, eventually gave up hope by about age 14? never dated or went to a dance, but still had a need to try to hide some of my qualities and wore some things that hinted to the opposite sex even in my senior photo. as an adult i figured i got to put behind me this childish nonsense, but i had begun maturating and exclusively thought of doing it with my sex, but as me being a really good looking person of opposite sex. i still do that, i can't seem to make myself stop. where as you see your body and its seeable sexual organs as correct and a part of you, like a hand or kneecap, we see our bodies as wrong, alien, distorted, mixed up. not our minds mixed up, our genitals and body gender messed up! i know, absolutely strange, huh? i keep trying to find a better explanation for all i have thought and done, but honestly others seem to have this same phenomenon, they are transgender men and women! cause? not rape, i wasn't. abuse? i was very beaten and had enemies for being weird and different from age 6-11, so maybe. birth design? would love that as i would be more readily able to accept it if i had proof to show others. by the way, ask a transman and betcha they say they have a penis too but it is just missing right now. transwomen have a penis and are disgusted and embarrassed by it, more times than not. and because transgender is not the same as gay, we are really not accepted or understood. i don't want to have a permanent record i am insane by a doctor just to get hormone therapy, so i may have to wait until society gives us a break. did this help?
Interesting I also had a strange desire to become a woman a few times in my life. I don't know why I had this idea.. that I could think my way into becoming female and some how it would work, without all of those expensive hormones and stuff. I also know that I never liked myself much growing up, kids were tormenting me over the size of my head for being too big, and I always had such an oversensitive little heart, easily getting my feelings hurt. I've come to a point where I don't really view myself as exclusively male or female. To reject my feminine side, solely for being "masculine" would just kill my soul. But it seems to come out anyways, from what people tell me.. especially if you listen to me on the phone.. I also never dated, or went to any of those "dances". Those things always seemed so pointless to me, I sure was glad when High School was finally over with... :eusa_doh:
100% understand all you wrote here. I also have prayed God would just let me wake up magically fixed, that is, the opposite sex! i do not want my "mind" fixed to think having sex or kissing the opposite sex in this body's gender is correct. it just is ew! i always thought as a great actor that i am, i have attracted opposite sex, i must pass as "normal." um, i think not. last person literally asked me if i was gay. :/ gay is not trans. i tried to see if i am gay, but my genitals somehow go um no. sounds weird when i read my own post i am like who is writing this messed up s#!t?
likely got to ask a 80 year old happily married straight couple. but read this to get more about how Judy Blume's books confused the crap out of a transman. the adventures of transman tag gender
it is just a term to distinguish a born male-bodied (often straight) man from ftm to mtf bigender, transgender people who may say their gender id is male. ---------- Post added 20th Apr 2012 at 09:57 PM ---------- or female for mtf, who have born male bodies. sorry it got left off post.
As the others said, basically. I don't feel terribly comfortable with the gender presentation and stereotypes I was born with, and I never really have. Transsexual, at this point, I don't think I am [or maybe I am, who knows], but I'm not comfortable being entirely masculine. And sometimes when I sleep, I dream of being in a differently-sexed body - that part started around puberty, though I didn't may much attention to my own thoughts before then anyways. They weren't happy. But I don't dream of being in a differently-sexed body all the time! That would be too convenient.
