Does anyone ever feel like they subconsciously do things for other people? As in, part of us doesn't completely—not 100%—do everything for our own self-satisfaction? For example, I finally got a rainbow bracelet a little more than a month ago, but until just last week, I hadn't worn the thing at all. While many of my friends told me that it was because I "was scared," I didn't see the need to wear it because I know I'm gay, and in all honesty, that's all that matters to me. Yet, I inexplicably started wearing it in order to let others know even though I really don't gain anything from wearing it. I guess another pertinent example would be a tumblr. I recently got one (at the constant behest of my friends), but I hardly post or re-post anything because I know that I don't have (or reach) a wide audience. So in reality, my posts—in relation to those who see them—don't exist. This sort of goes hand-in-hand with the performed self and the real self because at what point do we perform for others, and at what point do we do anything for our own gratification? When are these selves obviously distinct entities, and when do they intermesh with one another? When one isn't "performing," is he or she being his or her real self, or does he or she fall into a liminal space at which the self is undefined until it "performs?" Are there times when our goal is actually to be noticed by others; that is, to see, to be seen, and to communicate with others? For instance (I'm so full of examples today!), I really like getting dressed up because I like to look my best, yet I know that when one looks one's best, people tend to pay attention—and it feels good to be the center of attention, even if it is for a few seconds.
Ohhh gettin' a little deep here! Everyone performs all the time, I think. But that doesn't mean we can't be genuine in our performances. Those "others" for whom we perform are corporeal people, and, unless we lie and do it on purpose, our actions are real. Have you ever laughed so embarrassingly that people around looked at you funny? That was real-- not staged, I'm sure. It's nice to feel like you have an audience, but having one or not doesn't make anything less real. Without an audience, you still perform, but it's just a little quieter. The show must go on, like they say
I'm guilty of paying too much attention to "my audience" if you will. By no means am I like, acting or lying about who I am by the stuff I do, I'm just highly aware of who's around me. For example, there's this one attractive guy in my class who stares at me all the time, and we ended up sitting beside each other when we shifted classrooms - I was all too aware that he was looking at me so I made obvious attempts to keep him watching ;]
Well this seems like an interesting idea. In all honesty, I still think the performed self is part of the real self. Unless you absolutely hate something, you're still doing it out of your own free will. It is true that as social creatures, we like to be "recognized" for our efforts and require acceptance, no matter the amount. That desire is part of you and I don't see how it could be faked. How can I explain this better? Think about the "real self" as whole body. In it, we're drawing from several different aspects. One of the main aspects is the extroverted self, the one recieves pleasure from pleasing others and grabbing attention. It's entire basis is based on people. The other main aspect is the introverted self, the one that receives pleasure from personal satisfaction and complete self interest. It's entire basis is just focused on you.* While they're both different aspects, they intermingle a lot more then you'd suspect. When you made that tumblr account or wore that rainbow band, you did so out of your friends suggestion, rather than your own preference. That's part of your extroverted side, which is dominated by your friends and loved ones. When you do your own hobbies and take care of your own needs and thoughts, that's your introverted self taking over. Like you said, you like dressing up, since while you personally like looking nice (introverted) you like people to know you look nice. (extroverted) So while these aspects are completely different, they mesh together quite frequently. Since no matter what we do, whether for others or ourselves, we do it out of our own gratification. In the end, we're all just pretty self bastards.
Well, I think every human being is selfish, though some more than others. You might think that dressing up to look good or wearing that rainbow bracelet you are performing for others, when you are actually feeling a need that you have currently in your head and it does give you satisfaction and gratification. You said that you started to wear that bracelet 'to let others know' that you aren't scared of showing you are gay. That's right there the gratification that wearing the rainbow bracelet gives you. There are no such things as selfless actions. Even for people that go to Africa to help other people recieve gratification for doing so.
