Questioning who I am now

Well, one way of knowing for sure is to look at gay porn, and see if that does anything to you. Also have you noticed some guys that you think, wow he's kinda sexy?

usually there is some indication.

But I don't know. i think you were too nervous and might not even be gay or even bi

 

sounds like you just have performance anxiety and that the girl you was with just wasn't straight to begin with so no she did not "turn gay". she's either bi or just gay. i think this site would be better for her more so than for you.

as far as being gay, you're not that. your attraction is mainly towards girls. you pretty much answered all your questions regarding yourself. i don't know about the whole sexual orientation changing through time thing but i have heard that for guys, your sexuality really is set for the most part unless you're bisexual.

you should talk look into info about how to relax yourself in the bedroom though.

 

Some times it does how ever. That depends on circumstances, like family, church or even the society where you live. Some people are married have kids, but later on find out that they are gay. So it usually depends from person to person!

 

The generally accepted idea (here at least) is that you don't "become gay", you simply realize it. Something (whatever it may be) triggers in your life to make these thoughts surface.

Honestly, I'd blame your past experience on nerves, especially if you're as nervous as you think you are. But what I want to suggest is that I doubt you'd go through the mental anguish of debating whether or not you're straight if there wasn't a good reason to do so. Now, what is that reason?

You said you've tried to "get off" to guys but it isn't working. Again, that could easily be due to nerves. So think of things from a broader scope:

- Have you watched gay porn? Did you enjoy it?
- Even in straight porn, are you watching the guy as well as the girl?
- Walking down the street, do you ever catch yourself looking at guys you see?

Keep in mind that sexuality isn't binary, trinary, or restricted at all to a number of "categories"; it's very fluid. You can have days where you look only at girls (being completely "straight") and other days where you might look at mostly guys (more "gay"). Most people just pick a label because they've decided their preferences don't change that much and it makes things easier for them. But it is very much a spectrum of preferences... you could be any range of bisexual as well.

Otherwise, I'd say just think about who you're really looking at the next little while. There's no rush to have this all figured out, or to start telling people... you said you'd embrace it if you were gay, so just let it sort itself out. No worries, right?

And welcome to EC!

 

well, he didn't mention anything about having any attraction to guys so that in itself answers his question. i think he was worried that he might be gay because of his problems in the bedroom when sexual orientation goes beyond having sex. i think he needs to deal with that issue first because that has nothing to do with who he's attracted to really. that's just a different problem altogether.

 

First off, welcome to EC! Hope you find it helpful here.

As for your situation. It sounds to me more like there was some problem with your second relationship you described. Maybe not with her, or with you, but some kind of issue that wasn't really dealt with? Being nervous - or even just having emotional or relationship baggage that you're not dealing with - can absolutely affect your sex life all on its/their own.

That said, if you're finding yourself questioning your orientation, there may be something to look at here. Don't worry too much about porn - I know lots of gay people that like to watch hetero porn, and even some hetero people that like to watch gay porn. It can affect you in all kinds of different ways, and it's not a substitute for a sex life (well, not an equivalent one anyway :lol.

To answer your original question, then, I don't personally believe that orientations "change," but rather that we learn more about them as time goes on. It could be the case that you're interested in men and women. It could be that you've been pretending - even to yourself - to be interested in women all along because you thought you were supposed to be (very common, as in your first girlfriend's case). It could be that you just don't have as big of a sex drive as your last girlfriend.

Aside from porn, then, do you have any other indications that you might be gay or otherwise interested in men?

Good luck - come back to post as often as you like!

 

I'm just gonna redirect you a little bit on your thinking. You've mentioned quite a few examples about your girlfriends and attractive girls and how you react... which is good. But what you need to remember is that whether or not you like girls doesn't determine whether or not you like guys.

Additionally, there is sooooo much more to sex ("straight" or "gay" sex) than just vaginal for "straight" sex, just anal for "gay" sex, etc. They aren't mutually paired up. It's quite possible you just don't like what you're trying.

So take a step back, and take a look at the guys in your life. Do you find yourself attracted to them?

 

Well then do as I and BudderMC suggested, get some gay porn, the web is full of it and see if it does anything to you. Look at straight porn, see if you look at the girl and it does something to you, look at the guy as well and see what happens.

But I think this isn't your problem. I think you might have erectile dysfunction. It's common amongst men, whether you're gay, straight bi, pan what ever. The easiest way to fix this is to speak to your doctor and see what he thinks.

 

well thats shocking

 

One caution I have about gay porn is there is a lot of it I just don't like. There is a lot of it where it is about one guy dominating the other guy. I don't like that. When I was was coming to term with it this caused me a lot of problems.

I found that I really liked looking at guys in their underwear. So I had downloaded a lot of pictures. That is what tipped me off.

A couple of thought. Is there a guy that you can picture who you would describe as hot. Also ED can happen when you are young. I had a bout of ED last year. Mine was stress related. I was under a lot of stress at work and I couldn't get an erection to save my life.